My neighbours never stop shagging

[fuckingfuckyfuck]

Dear God, it's me, Fuckingfuckyfuck. Please bless the patrons upstairs with some new bed hinges and the occasional erectile dysfunction because this has been a horrendous wake up call.

Seriously though, for the past several weeks there have been multiple times a day where my entire flat bounces with the bed upstairs rattling and shaking. Lasts about 3 minutes every time and always managed to catch me when I'm a) falling asleep, b) waking up or c) working.
AIBU to post some pictures of genital warts through the letterbox in hopes of scaring them off??

(I'm kidding but really this has brought a new meaning to Christmas being the time of "giving" )

Could it be a shagging business upstairs?

Oh god OP this has made me chuckle!! When I lived in a flat I had similar neighbours (and sadly they weren’t that fast either) - and the problem was they also quite liked using the adjoining wall

Mid sex cereal - brilliant! I have been with a guy once, who I must be honest, I would rather have finished early for coco pops than carried on.....

Ok so here’s what I did - depending on how brave you are:

Adjoining wall? Started banging it back - to a rhythm sometimes, sometimes with them - they got the message and moved 😂😂

TV went up absolute full blast - thankfully the neighbours on the other side were my friends so new exactly the situation when there was suddenly a noise blast. Also music full blast in their direction. Something really off putting heheee

I never had the nerve to do this but once my friend was round when they went at it - she put my laptop up against the wall with my Bluetooth speaker up full whack with a porn site on She had more guts than me - it worked (we actually heard laughter) it was pretty funny

To be fair it’s been a while - 3 minutes would do I need wine

So there will be bang bang bang followed by a few moments silence. Then another bang bang bang.

He doesn't want to come sooner so stops and then goes again.

Are they lions?

Maybe the 3 mins is just the finale and the whole performance lasts for hours?

In the UK we lived in an old cottage that had open fireplaces in the rooms. It was a semi and the chimney was shared with the neighbors and we could hear everything. She also was a screamer. They were a twice nightly couple most nights. We downloaded the Cliff Richard song “Congratulations” and played it at full volume by the chimney when they finished. They started being much quieter after that.

3 minutes....? Come on, could be a lot worse for you (and a lot better for her....)

I used to have upstairs neighbours like that so I feel your pain.

But they were better than the ones who spent half the night yelling at each other because one of them had been caught cheating. I kept wondering was it getting to the point I was going to have to call the police because it escalated to actual violence.

Unsurprisingly they moved out soon after, presumably to separate destinations.

A chap I used to work with moved into a new flat, with a lesbian couple next door. One day, sounding a bit bemused, he said to me that they went on for hours, and there was also a lot of giggling.........I think he was either jealous, or worried he wasn't doing it right with his other half.

(Of course I also said hours was normal for lesbians.........)

My previous neighbours used to sound like they had a daily seal clubbing party... 🙈

When my cousin got married I shared a hotel room with my Nan. The room next door had a couple in who had several rounds of noisy, headboard banging, screaming sex. I was mortified, my Nan just chuckled and said “gosh they’re busy!” I think I banged on the wall in the end!

We downloaded the Cliff Richard song “Congratulations” and played it at full volume by the chimney when they finished. They started being much quieter after that. 🤣🤣🤣👍

@BritWifeinUSA that’s brilliant I so wish I had thought of that

@SimonJT

Three minutes? What a hero.

We had this issue in the summer, our neighbout had their windows open so we could hear “ oh Steve, oh Steve, oh Steve” as could other people who had windows facing the courtyard open. I play rugby with Steve, I waited until an opportune and fairly public moment at training to loudly moan “oh Steeeeeve”.

I really need to know what happened next

Record them then post a flyer advertising "the lock down soundscape" - an interactive art instalation. Include a clip of said niegbours!

I like the recording of the noise idea. Play it back so they have the noise in stereo as it were.

We have the opposite problem - ours is only once a week or so, but when they get going it's a good 45 minutes and she is, by the sounds of it, a fully trained opera singer...!

@VettiyaIruken

3 minutes? Send the poor woman a condolence card.

scared my toddler laughing at this!

Oh the times when me and DH could have a noisy shag.

To be fair, my neighbours fight and argue at least 4 times daily. Their child some times cries for them and pleads for them to stop to which I have to call the police.

I'd rather hear them shagging!!

@VettiyaIruken He received a whole team celebration

This thread made me laugh out loud! Thank you.
I might be tempted to put a note through the door expressing concern that their heating system seems to need bleeding as it bangs loudly several times a day (and you are surprised they hadn't noticed).

My previous neighbours used to have disgustingly loud sex between 2am - 5 am regularly. It would wake us up and be gross to listen to. I started playing BLINK182 Want to F* a Dog really loudly whenever they did it. Or Taylor Swift Trouble - the goat version. Various other mood killing songs are available.

I think we’ve all been overheard or caught having sex at some point? But doing it deliberately, and knowing others are hearing it, that’s really not being a good neighour

Invest in a good wooden broom.
Then repeatedly bang the ceiling with it
Frequently shout shut the fuck up

Ahhh, another night of upstairs' squeaky beds. I'm expecting a round of applause though, tonight it's been going on for at least 5 minutes a pop! . Mazel tov.