Not taking on the mental load at Christmas - can I hold out?

[SlayDuggee]

Like many women I do most/all of the prep, shopping, hosting, mental load for Christmas. DH is also tight and will easily let me pay for everything without thinking to reimburse me. This year I’ve taken a 15k pay cut so I can’t afford to! I take minimal holiday at Christmas as DH seems to think that him being on holiday means that he doesn’t need lift a finger as he is on holiday forgetting that other people are also on holiday (like me) and would actually like to sit down or have some leisure time as well.

This is meant to be lighthearted. I’m fed up of DHs general laziness and just expecting me to run around non-stop and make things happen.

This year I have -

• done an online Tesco to be delivered on Tuesday but invariably some things will be forgotten/missing so DH will need to go to the supermarket

Not bought lots of Christmas cards - DH normally panics Christmas morning and uses all of mine for his family. He has forgotten he won’t be seeing them so would need to post them as well. Not bought any presents for his side of the family. Normally, I end I buy all the presents for my side of the family and at least 50% for his as I pick up things as I go along. DH has never bought a single present for anyone in my family. DH normally panic buys his presents on Xmas eve for everyone. Bought some presents for DD and DS. DH hasn’t bought anything yet. Previous years he’s said DC don’t need presents at Christmas as they are only young (yet he expect presents in his 40’s) Not spent all weekend getting the house spotlessly clean - considering I do 95% of the childcare and housework I simply don’t have time.

AIBU to inwardly chuckle to myself that I’m going to trot off to work from Monday to Wednesday leaving our two children with DH and his done zero Christmas prep himself. I may also take a leaf out of DHs book and loudly comment on how tired/exhausted I am whilst asking what’s for dinner and demanding to know why the house is a tip as he has been at home all day.

Looking forward to the update

Yes i am talking to you.
Whats 'lol' about living with a man that would rather play with a machine than respecting you and taking care of your basic needs?
Seriously. Its not acceptable.
And it's not funny.
Its fucking sad.

Sorry everyone it’s been manic and I’m hoping DH has been taught a lesson.

On Christmas Eve I drive off to pick up DDs birthday presents only to get a panicked text 10 mins later as he needs to go Christmas shopping! I think WTF you’ve had the past 5 days off work and calmly text him back that I will be an hour.

Unfortunately, I got roped along with DH so got to witness him running round the shops with a panicked expression that why don’t they have X, Y and Z.

The penny also drops with his DH that his parents are coming and the house is a shit tip (mostly because I’m the past 5 days he has done fuck all)

After the kids are in bed we wrap presents and tidy the house.

I get up at 7am (the kids are fortunately very sleepy) and start cooking Christmas Dinner. Before anyone jumps on me I love cooking Christmas dinner and I don’t really want DH helping me. I’m one of those cooks that likes being in the kitchen alone and I don’t want DH picking things up and moving things.

DH wakes up at 8:30 with the kids and we do presents.

DH then panics as he hasn’t done X, Y, Z. As far as I can tell X, Y, Z involves standing round flapping going ive got so much to do! DH did clean, tidy and set the table whilst I cooked.

I would say Christmas Eve was mostly successful. Everyone enjoyed themselves and PILs enjoyed being hosted for the first time. I’m pretty sure DH go a shock into how much work is involved.

I’m off to the Next sale now.

Glad it went ok...also glad that he had a panicked ecpression....the twat.

I think his parents were very glad not to host for the first time ever (although I normally cook). Hopefully, he appreciates all the Christmas’s that his parents have hosted.

I did get a present. A lovely coat from a brand I like and some boots.

Impressive OP. Now keep going!

I made a Christmas spreadsheet in September and shared it (Google docs) with DH; I did remind him it existed in late November and he did ask me a few times if the DCs' presents were enough (I did stockings and my family, he has none sadly).
But he's good at house/tidying/keeping things in stock.
Need to work on his meal planning but he's getting BBC Easy Cook magazine shortly

On Christmas Eve I drive off to pick up DDs birthday presents only to get a panicked text 10 mins later as he needs to go Christmas shopping! I think WTF you’ve had the past 5 days off work and calmly text him back that I will be an hour

LOL - I always refer to 4 o'clock on Christmas Eve as 'men's shopping hour'.

Top work, OP.

@Fedup21

He always hoovers for me

For you?!

Does he do the washing up for you as well?

You took the words right out of my mouth!

Keep going OP.

His life needs to be a lot less comfortable.

Maķe 2021 the year he feels the cool air of someone not having his comfort as a priority.

If you do it right, it can really sting .

Being taken for granted is never a good look even though it happens in most houses at some time or orther.

A readjustment of expectations is required.
Sometimes brutally.😁

@SlayDuggee loving this! Good on you. I never understand why women cave and then run around doing everything. They are only making a rod for their own back