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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a little relieved by the new restrictions around xmas?

253 replies

Ohdoleavemealone · 19/12/2020 16:33

I hate having plans lingering in the air. Hate the uncertainty of can I see my family or can't I.

DS came home from school yesterday having to isolate until xmas eve so yet again we were on the fence of whether or not we could visit family boxing day. We cancelled my parents but they kept saying "lets see". Now Boris has said only mix on xmas day I can accept it and move on.

Am I the only one thinking it would have been kinder in some ways to say this from the start?

OP posts:
GrandTheftWalrus · 19/12/2020 18:50

Lots of people are just going to break the rules. And I don't blame them

Eckhart · 19/12/2020 18:52

@M4J4

Some people are miserable so nobody else is allowed to say they like their life. Right?

No, it’s more like don’t post threads saying ‘I’m so relieved there are tough rules so my parents can quit bugging me’ when actually you’re bloody happy that you’re having Christmas with your own ‘little family’.

It’s a smack in the face for those who have already spent money for a 3 HH Xmas.

That's exactly the attitude I'm talking about though. OP is happy for her own reasons, says so, and is seen as 'smacking others in the face'.

In fact, she has smacked nobody in the face. She is happy, others aren't. Your 'smacked in the face' attitude could equally be seen as distasteful. But you think you're allowed yours, when OP should shut up.

It's just bitterness.

windturbines · 19/12/2020 18:52

I'm in NI so our rules are different, and were released a few days ago, but I do feel for everyone in England. It's ridiculously short notice (and I thought NI was bad!) and it's unfair for people to try to scramble together a Christmas in, realistically, 3 to 4 days. It really sucks.

Original poster
Ohdoleavemealone · 19/12/2020 18:54

@Moonandstars25 It hasn't worked out for me. I prefer that I don't have to worry for the next 6 days whether or not we will make it to see family on boxing day. This is better for my immediate mental health.

Longterm, I am devestated not to see family and to be missing out on xmas. Yes I have my husband and kids but I have spent 9 months locked up with them, I don't need any more time with them!

I just feel it would have been better to never have put it out there that people could mix for 5 days, rather than take it away.

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 19/12/2020 18:55

I can’t imagine there will be much to buy in the supermarkets come tomorrow morning

Look, calm down. It's 6 days to Christmas. The supermarkets are fully stocked.

Scautish · 19/12/2020 18:57

@GrandTheftWalrus

Lots of people are just going to break the rules. And I don't blame them
Well I will as they will be responsible for the avoidable increase in transmission. They will be responsible for the further lockdowns and the increased economic hardships as well as meaning that many will not spend another Christmas ever with their families.

So so desperately selfish.

Angel2702 · 19/12/2020 18:59

No only if the disabled child is under five. Both of ours are over 5 so we aren’t eligible for any extra support from family.

Moonandstars25 · 19/12/2020 19:03

@Ohdoleavemealone your initial post states that you can accept that Boris said you can only mix on Xmas day. Well some of us don’t even get that. We cannot even meet more than one on one outside while others are still allowed to hug and spend a day with each other inside, can see each other in groups outside. And as I said the hospital where I am will be no better off as it serves areas which are still allowed their Christmas Day. Your short term mental health may be better right now but both my short term and long term mental health is fucked by this as it has for the whole of lockdown.

Original poster
Ohdoleavemealone · 19/12/2020 19:06

@Moonandstars25 Yes, I can accept thems the rules and those rules mean I get to see no one. We usually see inlaws on xmas day but they are too vulnerable.
I see my family boxing day and Boris has just said I can't. So actually, I am no better off than anyone else who cannot see family.

OP posts:
LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 19/12/2020 19:07

It's a bit shit. We are Tier 4 but had no plans to se le anyone, l mean, COVID isn't going to have a rest after Christmas. But to be telling people last minute.com they now can't go away/have family around etc is really, really rubbish. They should not have given people this hope in the first place.

cricketballs3 · 19/12/2020 19:07

"Part of me is wondering how the hell we aren't rioting on the streets over this fuck up of a government.

If we'd hired them in our business we'd be suing for malpractice. But they can just balls things up for everyone and no one seems to even notice"

I am definitely not a fan of the government infact with a lot of their policies/decisions I hate them with a passion but in this instance he was in a no win situation and open to so much criticism no matter what was decided.

This virus is changing on an hourly basis to the extent that no matter how many plans you have in place a new course of action is required

SchrodingersImmigrant · 19/12/2020 19:08

Honestly, people...

OP isn't happy they can't be with family and whoever. It's very clear she is just relieved to know what's actually happening. Finally. No one likes uncertainty, so feeling like "ok, it sucks, but at least we know and can plan accordingly" is nothing horrible.

Ffsnosexallowed · 19/12/2020 19:09

I'm relieved for the sake of the nhs.

Napqueen1234 · 19/12/2020 19:10

I know it’s really hard and it’s Christmas which exacerbates it. But for London and the SE this has only been since what, October? Before that you could have people into your homes, then garden and still meet for dinner etc. Think of Leicester, the NE, the NW who haven’t had those opportunities for months and months. We have one day, Christmas Day and have been emotionally blackmailed to the extent that most of us have curtailed or cancelled our plans anyway (we certainly have). It’s awful it’s tiring and it’s hard to carry on. It feels hugely unfair as the rules are different for you and others. It’s hard to see relatives and friends and been strangers doing things you are not allowed to do. I know we have been in that position for months. It will either get better or come summer something will give we we can’t continue like this. My mental health is in fragments. My relationship is hanging by a thread. My career is a child’s isolation or two from ending. Our aspirations and children’s futures are shattered. It’s hard to find the light in the dark.

ohwhatamiserableyear · 19/12/2020 19:15

@GrandTheftWalrus

Lots of people are just going to break the rules. And I don't blame them
I do. It's why we are where are right now.
AllDoneIn · 19/12/2020 19:16

YANBU OP. They should have been honest about this early on. It's the right decision but it should have been made weeks ago. We are spending Christmas on our own as a household. Most people I know are.

Weepingwillows12 · 19/12/2020 19:16

I had plans to see family on boxing day which are cancelled now due to the tier 4 news. I have said the whole time that things could change and it might not happen but have stupidly let myself get so excited for the prospect of a normal day given how close we were. We had all been self isolating for a week to manage the risk. I dont blame Boris, the situation has changed with the new virus and it's probably the right thing to do but I am so sad about this. Going to have a little cry and a big wine tonight then get on with planning family zoom activities instead....again.

Moonandstars25 · 19/12/2020 19:16

@Ohdoleavemealone but that is your choice. Sensible not to see your in laws if they are vulnerable but if you really wanted you could see your family on Xmas day instead of Boxing Day. If you are not happy with the risk then perfectly valid but at least you are allowed to make that risk assessment. Like I said my mental health is really suffering and has been for a long time so I find post like yours difficult. You have every right to post it of course but I’m telling you why I feel no relief, only despair at the moment .

GrandTheftWalrus · 19/12/2020 19:22

@ohwhatamiserableyear if someone breaking the rules by going to see a family member who is suicidal then no, I don't blame them.

Whatafustercluck · 19/12/2020 19:27

Jolly good. Tier 4 here, kids home for two weeks and they can't go anywhere, do anything (except walk, if it's not pissing it down) or see anyone, not even their auntie and cousin on Christmas Day. Merry fucking Christmas.

Gemma888 · 19/12/2020 19:30

I’m gutted we can’t go ahead with our plans BUT, the last few days, it’s become increasingly apparent it was no longer a good idea, so I’m relieved I don’t have to be the bad guy for suggesting we cancel.

For the majority of us this stinks, but it is temporary, and that is what I keep reminding myself.

Tiquismiquis · 19/12/2020 19:32

In some ways I’m relieved the decision has been taken out of my hands. My parents have been anxious about Christmas and we’re on the fence about cancelling. We were stretching the 3 household thing a bit with both sides and now we don’t have to worry. I’m gutted though. It has been such a long time and I know both sets of grandparents will be sad not to see the children. My 1 year old has changed so much since March and they have really missed out on seeing her.

Idontbelieveit12 · 19/12/2020 19:34

All those people that are gutted, I’m confused. Just because Boris had said it was allowed to mix households from 23-27, it doesn’t mean it was morally right..... what if your kids passed something on to their grandparents? We are tier 3 and have planned to have Christmas alone despite being allowed to mix.

AngeloMysterioso · 19/12/2020 19:47

On the plus side, at least those moany northerners can’t complain about being thrown under the bus anymore.... Grin*

*obviously joking

Moonandstars25 · 19/12/2020 19:48

@Idontbelieveit12 My mother is in her 50s and works as a nurse. She is at much greater risk from work than my son. We knew the risks and were happy to take them. We would still be happy to take them but can’t now. Not all grandparents are old and vulnerable you know.