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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be a little relieved by the new restrictions around xmas?

253 replies

Ohdoleavemealone · 19/12/2020 16:33

I hate having plans lingering in the air. Hate the uncertainty of can I see my family or can't I.

DS came home from school yesterday having to isolate until xmas eve so yet again we were on the fence of whether or not we could visit family boxing day. We cancelled my parents but they kept saying "lets see". Now Boris has said only mix on xmas day I can accept it and move on.

Am I the only one thinking it would have been kinder in some ways to say this from the start?

OP posts:
LisaLee333 · 19/12/2020 18:02

@Schoolchoicesucks

This is an odd thread. I appreciate that for the OP it makes things easier as it removes the uncertainty.

However surely the OP can see that for millions of others, this is upsetting news. Yes it may well be necessary and many of us will come to recognise that, but most of us will need a little time to acknowledge our feelings of disappointment.

It is odd to just think of yourself and how the news impacts you in a positive way and post an OP about that within minutes of the announcement. A little reflection and empathy for others would go a long way.

72% of posters agreeing with the OP suggests she is not alone in being relieved and thinking it's a good idea to have very strict rules.

And some people will be glad they don't have to travel 100s of miles and spend Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day, and Boxing Day (travelling to, and staying with people they don't even like.) For many it will be a HUGE relief to stay home, with their partner and kids, and have NO-ONE coming round/visiting! AND a relief for THEM to not have to go anywhere.

I think more people will be relieved by it than not TBH.

But I do feel a bit sorry for people who had made a 4-5 day plan, and were wanting to see people they haven't seen for half the year, and I also feel sorry for people who are alone, and were planning on visiting a family member, and staying there a few days. And I think it's pretty awful for them to promise people this '5 days grace' and then take it away just four days before.

Would have been better to have put these strict rules in place a month ago.

All this complaining about not being able to see family 100s (or 1000s) of miles away, certainly makes you wonder if it is a good idea to move 100s/1000s of miles away from close family - especially parents. I bet some of the people shouting the loudest about all this, happily elected to move 100s and 100s of miles away from the place they grew up, and thought they were better than everyone else who stayed. It's biting them on the arse now though. Glad I am within 15 miles of everyone I love and care about (and all in the same tier - tier 2.)

And please spare me the 'oh I'm all right Jack, I live near my family!' comments. I am not apologising for living near my family, and living in the town I grew up in. When people make a choice to move 100s and 100s of miles away, that means they're not closeby when something serious happens (like a pandemic or a lockdown!)

A neighbour of mine has a sister who moved to Portugal, and married a Portuguese man, and in March they split up. She has her job there, a property with a high mortgage, and in negative equity, and is stuck there, with no family, and only one friend. Their mother died in March and she was unable to travel back for the funeral. Over Christmas she is 100% alone.

As I say, it seems OK moving away (from family and friends and everything you know,) but it can backfire spectacularly!

And 'neh neh neh' to London! Grin

1forAll74 · 19/12/2020 18:02

It will all be just up to date news about the virus spread at the moment, so people should expect anything to happen, good or bad, at any time. You can't really plan your life around viruses, they are a force of nastiness, and not to be ignored.

Aprilx · 19/12/2020 18:02

*not

LisaLee333 · 19/12/2020 18:03

@Eckhart

The only people who will find this thread horrible/insensitive are those who are bitter enough to be upset by others' happiness when they are not happy themselves. All situations will suit some and not others. Many feel the same as OP, as evidenced by the thread. Everybody is allowed to say haw they feel.

OP, YANBU. I'm attending a close relative's funeral over Christmas, so I think all those who aren't grieving are lucky. I hope everyone finds a way to have a nice Christmas.

I can't see why people will 'go without food', that seemed a bit of a dramatic response. There's lots of help available from lots of sources.

Good points. I do largely agree. ^
cricketballs3 · 19/12/2020 18:05

"I have to admit though - and I know I sound like a bitch but don't care - I am quite amused by how incensed LONDON is at being put into tier 3, and then 4, so they can't do anything or go anywhere, and all non-essential shops are closed, and all the bars etc. I am amused, because they didn't give a SHIT when it happened up north and in the east midlands."

My DH and I have had this same conversation all week - no sympathy/empathy when those of us who were placed in tier 3 straight away, but it felt like it was the end of the world when London was placed in it this week as that's all you heard on the news "oh poor us"

SweetPetrichor · 19/12/2020 18:07

I agree. I think Christmas should be ‘cancelled’. People can have Christmas at home. It’s just another day. What about all the other religious holidays that were ‘cancelled’...they survived. It’s crap to miss family. As with many people, I’ve not seen my family since this all started, but I’d rather wait rather than take risks, no matter how small. Anyone flaunting the rules is a self centred individual only thinking about number one.

RunningFromInsanity · 19/12/2020 18:07

I agree. I’m actually pleased the decision has been taken out of my hands.
We always planned to be careful leading up to Xmas and the mixing of households but I was still worried just in case.

Ohdoleavemealone · 19/12/2020 18:07

People seem to think I am HAPPY that this is the case. I really am not. But the constant tooing and frowing is, imo, worse than the certainty of not being able to go.

Saying I can "accept it" is not the same as saying I am happy about it. I cried to my mum yesterday when told DS had to isolate as I was so upset that xmas was to be cancelled. I miss my parents so much and I know my mum misses us.
It sucks that is like this at all, but it is like this so I am releived (but not happy) that we have a concrete decision to move forward with. Everyone that is devestated at their plans could have had to cancel them anyway if anyone got symptoms as we did yesterday for imposed isolation so I am not sure why it is so bad for me to discuss this. Not like I am saying I am fucking delighted and screw the rest of you!

OP posts:
GlummyMcGlummerson · 19/12/2020 18:09

No I'm devastated for all the people who now will be alone on Christmas Day. My kids are with exH and I'm supposed to be going to my aunty and uncle's but my colleague will now be all alone and I'm thinking of actually cancelling aunty and uncle's and having her at mine. She was so looking forward to seeing her son who was coming up from London. Her DD is abroad and her mum is in a care home. Her son was isolating for 2 weeks so it would be safe. Awful

RunningFromInsanity · 19/12/2020 18:09

Over Christmas she is 100% alone
Better than 100% dead. And I saw this as someone who will be 100% alone too.

LizB62A · 19/12/2020 18:09

I agree too
I was going to see my Dad on Christmas Day but felt a bit uneasy about it - logically how could it be safe that day but not tomorrow ?!

I'm happier now they've made the decision and frankly I'm amazed that anyone thought that there was no chance that things would change - it's a global pandemic !!

TicTacTwo · 19/12/2020 18:09

Yanbu OP.
I have loads of sympathy for non-essential retail, personal care and other sectors affected by this sudden change ThanksThanks

GlummyMcGlummerson · 19/12/2020 18:10

Seems like another ‘I’m alright Jack’ thread

Yep.

It seems the only people cheerleading for tighter restrictions are people who only want to see their mum anyway and already can as she's in their bubble.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 19/12/2020 18:10

Or people who have a rich and full nuclear family whose lives are mostly unchanged

LisaLee333 · 19/12/2020 18:10

@RunningFromInsanity

Over Christmas she is 100% alone Better than 100% dead. And I saw this as someone who will be 100% alone too.
Well exactly!
GlummyMcGlummerson · 19/12/2020 18:11

@RunningFromInsanity

Over Christmas she is 100% alone Better than 100% dead. And I saw this as someone who will be 100% alone too.
Why is it one or the other? Seeing people does not guarantee death and people have to stop quantifying it like it does
GlummyMcGlummerson · 19/12/2020 18:12

Also, this thread reeks of privilege - some people are so isolated and alone they WOULD rather be 100% dead than 100% alone.

But hey as long as you hubby and the kids are altogether then all is right with the world

LisaLee333 · 19/12/2020 18:12

@cricketballs3

"I have to admit though - and I know I sound like a bitch but don't care - I am quite amused by how incensed LONDON is at being put into tier 3, and then 4, so they can't do anything or go anywhere, and all non-essential shops are closed, and all the bars etc. I am amused, because they didn't give a SHIT when it happened up north and in the east midlands."

My DH and I have had this same conversation all week - no sympathy/empathy when those of us who were placed in tier 3 straight away, but it felt like it was the end of the world when London was placed in it this week as that's all you heard on the news "oh poor us"

Yeah exactly. LONDON didn't give a shit when OTHER areas went into tier 3 and stayed there.

So sod 'em. Five minutes into a strict tier, and they're like wah wah wah.

Suck it upbuttercups!

Ohdoleavemealone · 19/12/2020 18:13

@GlummyMcGlummerson

Seems like another ‘I’m alright Jack’ thread

Yep.

It seems the only people cheerleading for tighter restrictions are people who only want to see their mum anyway and already can as she's in their bubble.

I didn't want tighter restrictions. I wanted the whole thing to go ahead. I wanted to see my mum.

But it wasn't certain was it? Even if Boris hadn't restricted the holidays, anyone could have been told to isolate and have their plans ruined right up until the day!
So bollocks to your "I'm all right jack" comments. People are capable of a range of emotions. Sorry I didn't write down my every thought and feeling in my OP.

OP posts:
GlummyMcGlummerson · 19/12/2020 18:13

And for so many Christmas is not just another day. It's the only time they may see their parents/children/loved in the year due to work/distance. It's a significant time and if you're used to a full and busy house then of course being entirely alone will be tough. Have some fucking empathy

LH1987 · 19/12/2020 18:14

Wow, some people cannot read a 5 line OP can they. I can totally see why it is less stressful to have certainty over ambiguity and as such agree.

I haven’t seen my parents since March and they haven’t seen my DD (7months). It is difficult but will hopefully be fixed by the vaccine at some point next year,

Some people are so horrible on Mumsnet, misinterpreting the OP and then swearing at her and being horrid. Does that really make you feel better?!

GlummyMcGlummerson · 19/12/2020 18:15

London should have been tier 3 from the start. It's never good to ponder what could have been but it was an abominable decision to put it into tier 2 and I do think the rest of the country has suffered as a result

OverTheRainbow88 · 19/12/2020 18:17

It makes me feel marginally safer going back into teaching beginning of Jan knowing there’s been 10 days between one day of socialising and school

Moomin12345 · 19/12/2020 18:18

Oh dear. Everyone on here is being so dramatic. I'd have more empathy if I this was mode of a surprise. You get the kind of deluded government you've voted for. Christmas chilling with family was never a good idea, but some still believe that we can have our cake and eat it too with zero consequences.

Eckhart · 19/12/2020 18:19

@GlummyMcGlummerson

Also, this thread reeks of privilege - some people are so isolated and alone they WOULD rather be 100% dead than 100% alone.

But hey as long as you hubby and the kids are altogether then all is right with the world

Holey moley.

Some people are miserable so nobody else is allowed to say they like their life. Right?

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