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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with friend wearing fur?

110 replies

AnnaDarcey · 19/12/2020 16:29

Hiya,

I reckon most people will say I am being the a hole in this situation. A quick bit about me - I really care about animal welfare. However, I am not at all preachy and never bring it up.

I recognise everyone will make their own decisions regarding the morality of eating meat etc. I cook with meat at least twice a week at my church’s soup kitchen. It doesn’t bother me and I don’t think there is anything innately wrong with eating meat. I do eat meat if I dispatch it myself on a shoot or if I catch it fishing. I just abhor the unnecessary cruelty of factory farming

The other day my best friend since we were in primary school together sent a text asking my opinion about a jacket made out of rabbit fur. Seeing as I have pet rabbits and the coat was from China where there were the most horrific conditions take place, with the animals skinned alive for their fur and then left to die I asked her to reconsider if it was worth it. She said okay.

About an hour ago she sent me a picture of herself wearing the coat, sticking her tongue out with the caption “Wearing your furry friends”. Already upset from an argument with my mother and upset she randomly sent me that photo I called her a sicko and blocked her. It has just occurred to me I have never argued with her and never blocked anyone before.

I am now really upset my best friend did that and a little shocked about how she could possibly be so immoral for the sake of fashion and by trying to upset me to the point I am questioning our entire friendship. I have already been kind of shocked by her morality as she has never bothered adhering to the Covid restrictions she goes to parties; hosts get togethers at her house etc. which annoyed me but I kept my mouth shut. I now think maybe it’s not possible to reconcile our differing moralities. Or am I overthinking it all and AIBTA here?

Just looking for outside thoughts.

Thank you :)

OP posts:
IamMaz · 20/12/2020 08:43

I think it depends on how much you value her friendship.
If you feel sacrificing that for her wearing rabbit fur, so be it.
Only you know the answer...

Pinkfreesias · 20/12/2020 08:54

I think it's wrong to wear fur, and your friend's joke was tasteless. But I also think it's wrong to shoot birds or other animals for sport or pleasure. You're being slightly hypocritical, OP.

PheasantPlucker1 · 20/12/2020 09:04

Ignoring the fur/ meat angle, your friend was being an absolute goady fucker.

She knew you wouldnt agree, so why ask in the first place then send a pic? I think blocking her was the right call.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/12/2020 09:10

The level of uneducation about why some animals are shot for preservation and that not all fur comes from Peta video like places is amazing.
I do agree on ridiculousness of "dispatch".

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 20/12/2020 09:16

It's up to people to decide their own values. However her behaviour was extremely inconsiderate. Is she socially awkward or being deliberately antagonistic? The later is enough to cut her off imho. She is not a friend.

Lilacpheonix · 20/12/2020 09:21

Your "friend" is a nasty piece of work. You did the right thing by blocking her.

HikeForward · 20/12/2020 09:43

I think you over-reacted massively. Very rude to call her a ‘sicko’ just because she was wearing a fur coat. Would you call a non-vegetarian a ‘sicko’ if they posted a photo of a meat dish?

People make their own choices. She probably wanted your opinion on the look of the coat not a lecture about the fur trade!

Beautiful3 · 20/12/2020 09:46

The way she did it was horrible. I think you did the right thing.

Babyyodasmacarons · 20/12/2020 09:56

Cruelty aside there is no need for fur in this country it never get cold enough!

CorianderQueen · 20/12/2020 10:09

Honestly if you eat meat you don't really have a leg to stand on.

Myself, as a vegetarian, I'd have said 'wow, so you're declaring you're a horrible person?'

HeronLanyon · 20/12/2020 10:47

As a life long vegetarian I appreciate meat eaters caring about how the animals they kill and eat or wear are permitted to live and are killed.
For me it’s all grim and unacceptable but I accept a difference between the way animals are treated such that a meat eater could object to the fur trade.

crazyrabbit · 20/12/2020 18:47

@HikeForward

I think you over-reacted massively. Very rude to call her a ‘sicko’ just because she was wearing a fur coat. Would you call a non-vegetarian a ‘sicko’ if they posted a photo of a meat dish?

People make their own choices. She probably wanted your opinion on the look of the coat not a lecture about the fur trade!

Why would you ask someone their opinion on your rabbit fur coat when you know they have pet rabbits? That’s so incredibly insensitive.

To answer your question, I am a vegan and if someone sent me a picture of their meat meal with the caption ‘eating your animal friends’ then I would be cancelling that friendship immediately. If they want to eat meat or wear fur then that’s their choice to make, but they is no need to be an absolute dick and rub it on my face like that. That’s not what friends do.

HikeForward · 20/12/2020 19:38

Why would you ask someone their opinion on your rabbit fur coat when you know they have pet rabbits? That’s so incredibly insensitive

Did the friend even know/remember OP had pet rabbits?

I have pet rabbits and wouldn’t be bothered by a friend wearing a rabbit fur coat or hat. Or choosing a rabbit dish in a pub.

What others do is up to them.

crazyrabbit · 20/12/2020 22:04

@HikeForward

Why would you ask someone their opinion on your rabbit fur coat when you know they have pet rabbits? That’s so incredibly insensitive

Did the friend even know/remember OP had pet rabbits?

I have pet rabbits and wouldn’t be bothered by a friend wearing a rabbit fur coat or hat. Or choosing a rabbit dish in a pub.

What others do is up to them.

She sent the OP a photo with a message saying wearing your fury friends so I think she knew.

Yes it is her choice but she should know that lots of people have an ethical aversion to it. I respect someone’s right to wear fur, but do not ask me what I think of your jacket because I will tell you I think it’s disgusting.

The picture with the caption is just crossing the line of no return for me. It was just plain nasty.

HikeForward · 21/12/2020 08:29

The picture with the caption is just crossing the line of no return for me. It was just plain nasty

I agree the caption and photo was rude but to end a 20-year friendship over it? And call her a sicko for wearing the coat?

Suspect when the friend originally asked OP’s opinion on the coat she either hadn’t noticed it was part rabbit fur or had forgotten OP has pet rabbits.

A lot of ‘fake’ fur from China is actually real fur just advertised as faux to appeal to a wider market. She probably wanted OP’s opinion on the coat not a lecture on the fur trade.

I don’t wear fur but have no issue wearing leather shoes or buying leather handbags! And if someone else bought fur I’d leave them to it.

I also know many vegetarians who wear leather, so it gets confusing why people take such offence at fur!

Veterinari · 21/12/2020 08:31

@RogersVideo

Having watched videos about the animal cruelty in China YANBU. China is a special sort of animal hell. And then to rub it in your face, wtf. Maybe she was hoping you'd make some sort of quip back, the whole thing wouldn't feel serious, and she could walk away not feeling bad about her purchase.
Nothing like a bit of racial stereotyping Hmm
Onedayatatime43 · 21/12/2020 08:49

For those getting upset about OP’s use of the word ‘dispatch’, you may not like it but it is a very commonly used term by folks who keep their own livestock or catch game for food.

Onedayatatime43 · 21/12/2020 08:52

(Included in many dictionary definitions meaning “to kill”)

SchrodingersImmigrant · 21/12/2020 09:03

I also know many vegetarians who wear leather, so it gets confusing why people take such offence at fur!

Because people generally tent to do more "awww so cute" over pretty fluffy things. That's how many differentiate between value of the animal🤷🏻 The Awww factor. Which is frankly bit stupid and makes people quote superficial.

1WildPartridgeInAPearTree · 21/12/2020 09:15

You and your have different views on fur - which is fine. (I am with you on the matter)

What is not ok is her taunting of you. Her message seems intent on hurting you. She is not a friend.

goldielockdown2 · 21/12/2020 09:25

I'm vegan and I'd just take the photo as intended, she was being funny. The world is full of meat eaters, fur produce etc I'd be permanently offended if it bothered me personally.

WiddlinDiddlin · 21/12/2020 11:24

Goady fucker, not a friend.

I have no issue with fur produced as a by product of the meat industry, so the white furs from meat farmed rabbits, produced in the UK, or (better!) the wild type furs from shot rabbits... fine with me.

Chinese produced fur, no way, not ever, nope.

Taking the piss out of you like that - that isn't a friend. She is a twat.

ThatIsNotMyUsername · 21/12/2020 11:29

Hate fur - never liked it even as a child. Friend was being a dick though... i would have told her that, not gone nuclear.

LaurieFairyCake · 21/12/2020 11:37

That's awful Sad

There's literally a list of 'badness' (in my opinion only)

  1. Fake fur that's not plastic
  2. Fake fur that's plastic
  3. Vintage fur (preferably really old)
  4. 'Ethical' fur - either a by product like leather or animals you've killed really fucking quickly yourself
  5. Fur where animals are killed centrally quickly
  6. EVIL fur where animals are skinned alive

She's literally done the worst thing possible

myusernamewastakenbyme · 21/12/2020 11:41

I'd be really pissed off with her...i hate fur and im not sure i could forgiver her.