Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with friend wearing fur?

110 replies

AnnaDarcey · 19/12/2020 16:29

Hiya,

I reckon most people will say I am being the a hole in this situation. A quick bit about me - I really care about animal welfare. However, I am not at all preachy and never bring it up.

I recognise everyone will make their own decisions regarding the morality of eating meat etc. I cook with meat at least twice a week at my church’s soup kitchen. It doesn’t bother me and I don’t think there is anything innately wrong with eating meat. I do eat meat if I dispatch it myself on a shoot or if I catch it fishing. I just abhor the unnecessary cruelty of factory farming

The other day my best friend since we were in primary school together sent a text asking my opinion about a jacket made out of rabbit fur. Seeing as I have pet rabbits and the coat was from China where there were the most horrific conditions take place, with the animals skinned alive for their fur and then left to die I asked her to reconsider if it was worth it. She said okay.

About an hour ago she sent me a picture of herself wearing the coat, sticking her tongue out with the caption “Wearing your furry friends”. Already upset from an argument with my mother and upset she randomly sent me that photo I called her a sicko and blocked her. It has just occurred to me I have never argued with her and never blocked anyone before.

I am now really upset my best friend did that and a little shocked about how she could possibly be so immoral for the sake of fashion and by trying to upset me to the point I am questioning our entire friendship. I have already been kind of shocked by her morality as she has never bothered adhering to the Covid restrictions she goes to parties; hosts get togethers at her house etc. which annoyed me but I kept my mouth shut. I now think maybe it’s not possible to reconcile our differing moralities. Or am I overthinking it all and AIBTA here?

Just looking for outside thoughts.

Thank you :)

OP posts:
SatishTheCat · 19/12/2020 23:19

She sounds horrible, I totally get why you reacted in the way you did

lottiegarbanzo · 19/12/2020 23:24

I don't think this is really about whether fur is ok or not. It's about your friend deliberately goading and upsetting you. That's not a friend!

rollinggreenhills · 19/12/2020 23:40

What a vile character she is.

Leannethom85 · 19/12/2020 23:51

You want revenge and get even? Do u kno someone with a large dog or even a cat...
My mother years ago had a rabbit skinned coat, she got chased by a dog when she was wearing it.. Teach her a lesson ask her to wear coat and walk her by large dog see what happens! Revenge is sweet

ChestnutStuffing · 19/12/2020 23:53

I'm not crazy about the Chinese fur industry, but I think there is some room to disagree on that. I don't expect people to tell me to reconsider my manmade fibre winter coat even though it is made using processes that destroy animal habitats and are directly bad for animal life.

My point being, are you really sure the industries you support are a lot better?

However, her response was pretty dickish - she could have just kept quiet about it. I wonder if maybe she felt your comment was actually kind of inappropriate? Or is she usually nasty?

My response would depend on the answer to those questions.

Ingot · 19/12/2020 23:53

I saw a young girl in croydon wearing a fur coat the other day. Looked real. Is it becoming fashionable or something?

M4J4 · 20/12/2020 00:33

Fake fur has been in fashion for the past 10 years at least (only know as that’s when I bought one).

People were urged to buy fake for a long time.

squeekums · 20/12/2020 04:36

See I wonder when you say you don't preach
The only time I'd respond like she did is when I'm over the preaching
So do you preach more than you think, given it's important to you, what you call a general comment or chat is another's preaching if it's a constant thing

HeronLanyon · 20/12/2020 04:40

As this is a core value for you then YANBU.
It is a core value for me and I would reassess my friendship in these circs - as much for her childish flaunting and ridiculing of your core value - no question but that friendship would move to acquaintance pretty quickly.

Ohtherewearethen · 20/12/2020 04:41

@Imissmoominmama - Reddit is a website with a sub-reddit called 'Am I The Arsehole'? which is what the OP has written. She's either copied and pasted it onto both websites without bothering to edit it or she's just nicked it from Reddit. Either way I think it's all bullshit.

Palatka · 20/12/2020 05:37

If you are killing animals quickly and humanely to eat then I (personally) don't have an issue. Anything involving China and animals I DO have an issue with so I support your views and think your friend is an unethical twat.

NoDontDoIt · 20/12/2020 05:58

Fur is renewable and biodegradable. Fake fur is reliant on fossil fuels and at the very best all that can be hoped for is a bit of recycling Confused

inquietant · 20/12/2020 06:07

@NoDontDoIt

Fur is renewable and biodegradable. Fake fur is reliant on fossil fuels and at the very best all that can be hoped for is a bit of recycling Confused
Not sure about your definition of 'renewable' here, and fur is definitely not sustainable or ethical.

All carcasses rot, yes, so it is biodegradable.

NoDontDoIt · 20/12/2020 06:10

Renewable because it is not a finite resource. Rabbits renew and eat renewables.

Nothing is more sustainable than the cycles that have perpetuated themselves since before humans cropped up, nothing less so than petrochemical derived human activity.

inquietant · 20/12/2020 06:13

@NoDontDoIt

Renewable because it is not a finite resource. Rabbits renew and eat renewables.

Nothing is more sustainable than the cycles that have perpetuated themselves since before humans cropped up, nothing less so than petrochemical derived human activity.

But animal farming of the type providing fur to the fashion industry is also heavily reliant on petrochemicals. Its not some traditional hunter.
NoDontDoIt · 20/12/2020 06:15

Indeed, but i think the key is returning to sustainable processing and better welfare rather than digging in harder on fucking the planet up.

footprintsintheslow · 20/12/2020 06:18

Unless she had some incredibly wonderful redeeming features in other areas she's no loss to your life.

If anything these lockdowns have taught me,it's pick your friends wisely as we are allowed to see such few people in such limited circumstances I don't want to waste time on people I don't like or don't have common morality with.

footprintsintheslow · 20/12/2020 06:20

@Downunderduchess

Fur is murder, so I support you on that. However, calling hunting/killing an animal “dispatching” is downplaying the fact that you shot (presumably) and killed an animal yourself.
Op said for conservation reasons. Which maybe they could tell us more about?
inquietant · 20/12/2020 06:21

@NoDontDoIt

Indeed, but i think the key is returning to sustainable processing and better welfare rather than digging in harder on fucking the planet up.
I don't wear fur, or fake fur. Better to do without either if you care about the planet I think!
barcodescanner · 20/12/2020 06:29

@Santaisironingwrappingpaper

Yabu to not to have told her to fuck off and blocked her.
This ^

She would no longer be my friend after making that comment.

ShinyGreenElephant · 20/12/2020 07:30

Totally agree with your logic and how @crazyrabbit explained it - I feel the same though not fully vegan. My grandad has chickens and ducks on his land and we eat their eggs.

Fur is disgusting and I dont think I would speak to her again after she deliberately wound me up about it. When I was teaching y6, a child in my class came in late wearing a montcler coat (which have dog fur hoods). She thought it would be funny to come up behind me and rub it on my face while I was doing the register. I got such a shock and was about 8 weeks pregnant at the time with my younger daughter so had to run to the toilets to be sick, the rest of the class erupted in anger and another girl spat on her coat and tried to throw it out the window. When I came back, white and shaking like a leaf, my TA was desperately trying to regain order while an actual fight rolled round the coat hooks. The kids mum tried to get me sacked over that and the rest of the class plus half of y5 called the girl who did it cruella de ville for the rest of term until she told her mum she no longer wanted her £300+ coat. (To be clear I absolutely didn't condone any bullying and did deal with the comments, made it clear that I didn't agree with fur but she had the right to wear it to school, just not to rub it on my face knowing it would upset me. She was a very unkind child so I think they all jumped on the opportunity to 'get their own back' which I did try my best to stop). Was an absolute nightmare all round and I would not appreciate that kind of thing coming from a friend

TidyDancer · 20/12/2020 07:56

Your 'friend' is a bully and that's what would end the friendship for me. I can reconcile being friends with someone who has a very different moral stance to me, but not those who would bully me.

Snog · 20/12/2020 08:00

Your friend has been really disrespectful to you and has taken pleasure in upsetting you. I'd want a very sincere apology if the friendship is to survive.

user1471565182 · 20/12/2020 08:34

They have dog fur hoods? what the actual fuck? and who buys a montcler coat for a child? (looking at them now they're up to £1,500)

user1471565182 · 20/12/2020 08:35

They use coyote the fucking savages.

Swipe left for the next trending thread