Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with friend wearing fur?

110 replies

AnnaDarcey · 19/12/2020 16:29

Hiya,

I reckon most people will say I am being the a hole in this situation. A quick bit about me - I really care about animal welfare. However, I am not at all preachy and never bring it up.

I recognise everyone will make their own decisions regarding the morality of eating meat etc. I cook with meat at least twice a week at my church’s soup kitchen. It doesn’t bother me and I don’t think there is anything innately wrong with eating meat. I do eat meat if I dispatch it myself on a shoot or if I catch it fishing. I just abhor the unnecessary cruelty of factory farming

The other day my best friend since we were in primary school together sent a text asking my opinion about a jacket made out of rabbit fur. Seeing as I have pet rabbits and the coat was from China where there were the most horrific conditions take place, with the animals skinned alive for their fur and then left to die I asked her to reconsider if it was worth it. She said okay.

About an hour ago she sent me a picture of herself wearing the coat, sticking her tongue out with the caption “Wearing your furry friends”. Already upset from an argument with my mother and upset she randomly sent me that photo I called her a sicko and blocked her. It has just occurred to me I have never argued with her and never blocked anyone before.

I am now really upset my best friend did that and a little shocked about how she could possibly be so immoral for the sake of fashion and by trying to upset me to the point I am questioning our entire friendship. I have already been kind of shocked by her morality as she has never bothered adhering to the Covid restrictions she goes to parties; hosts get togethers at her house etc. which annoyed me but I kept my mouth shut. I now think maybe it’s not possible to reconcile our differing moralities. Or am I overthinking it all and AIBTA here?

Just looking for outside thoughts.

Thank you :)

OP posts:
RogersVideo · 19/12/2020 17:53

Having watched videos about the animal cruelty in China YANBU. China is a special sort of animal hell. And then to rub it in your face, wtf. Maybe she was hoping you'd make some sort of quip back, the whole thing wouldn't feel serious, and she could walk away not feeling bad about her purchase.

Kanaloa · 19/12/2020 18:08

I think you’re entitled to your views but she’s also entitled to hers. I am vegetarian, but I accept that other people - like you - enjoy hunting and fishing, although I personally don’t agree with it.

I think the caption is less acceptable, since it seems like she did that to upset/annoy you.

MrsDonnelly · 19/12/2020 18:25

She sounds an arse

dannydyerismydad · 19/12/2020 18:28

I inherited a small fur cape which was originally purchased on Carnaby Street in the 60s, but rarely wear it.

I would never purchase new fur though. Particularly not from China. Nor would I mock someone for their views.

M4J4 · 19/12/2020 18:28

@Gardeniaofdelights

Gardeniaofdelights

I think YABU for being hypocritical about meat / fur, but not nearly so bad as your friend, who has been a dick. She didn’t need to rub your face in the decision, especially given your pets

How is OP a hypocrite? Your type never explain.

Thisusernameistakenagain · 19/12/2020 18:37

Yabu fo claiming to care about animal welfare while indirectly contributing to it.
Yanbu to have this stance on fur,and your 'friend' is an immature puerile idiot.

Pancakeorcrepe · 19/12/2020 19:11

Your so called friend sounds absolutely horrible. I would be very upset too and would have blocked her. It’s very mean spirited of her to mock your beliefs. Animal welfare for me is a core belief so anyone mocking me for that, I could not be friends with. She is also stupid and evil to buy such a coat from China.

BeanieB2020 · 19/12/2020 19:19

Was it a real fur coat or was the whole thing a (badly carried out) joke?

I don't think I'd block my best friend and end a friendship over this without having a conversation with them about what the intention really was.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 19/12/2020 19:19

I have no problem with fur as long as the animals have been raised and killed humanely. But your friend sounds incredibly thoughtless and rude.

Butchyrestingface · 19/12/2020 19:22

About an hour ago she sent me a picture of herself wearing the coat, sticking her tongue out with the caption “Wearing your furry friends”.

Well, that was nasty.

However, more generally, it sounds like she has much concern for human beings during a global pandemic so can hardly be surprising she is no friend of the bunnies.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 19/12/2020 19:32

What she did was dickish. She did overstep and owes you apology.

That said. I have no issue with fur (and leather) if it's all produced as part of producing food (or vice versa). Better than the artificial ones.

Wife2b · 19/12/2020 19:36

She sounds like a completely selfish person tbh. As long as she’s ok, that’s all that matters. YANBU to never speak to her again, I have no time for people like that.

cariadlet · 19/12/2020 19:37

I'm another vegan who finds your ethical position consistent. I don't think there's any need to kill animals for food, but quickly killing a wild animal or an animal that's been allowed to live freely is far less cruel than going to a supermarket and buying cheap factory farmed meat.

Fur is abhorrent, buying Chinese fur is particularly inexcusable. Your friend is an obnoxious twat.

2021optimist · 19/12/2020 21:30

If she's previously been a good friend, surely it's worth talking to her about it. It sounds a rather tasteless joke but not that she wanted to offend. Or is this a last straw?

Ohtherewearethen · 19/12/2020 21:42

Why have you written this for a Reddit sub? Have you just copied and pasted it from there?

Imissmoominmama · 19/12/2020 21:47

What’s a Reddit sub?

user1471565182 · 19/12/2020 21:47

probably isnt rabbit

inquietant · 19/12/2020 21:51

I wouldn't find it easy to be friends with someone who ridiculed my beliefs.

I also find fur disgusting, I wouldn't feel comfortable sitting with someone wearing it.

AliceMcK · 19/12/2020 21:55

Ynbu i agree killing an animal for fashion is very outdated and totally wrong. These days there are lots of cruelty free an faux products that can be bought.

Twiddlet · 19/12/2020 22:22

I think she’s an absolute twat for sending you that. What a nasty message to send. She wanted a reaction from you and now she’s achieved it. YANBU.

20mum · 19/12/2020 22:23

@AliceMcK

Ynbu i agree killing an animal for fashion is very outdated and totally wrong. These days there are lots of cruelty free an faux products that can be bought.
You have heard of climate emergency. Can you understand that fake fur is a contaminating planet killer? Anyone would surely agree with you and not want to kill any living creature avoidably, but some animals die or are culled for good reason. Using the pelt after it is dead is not harming the creature. You are right that doing things for 'fashion' is outdated and totally wrong.

Outdated and wrong includes buying any 'cheap' 'throwaway' or any avoidable newly made clothing, in a world containing ten years' worth of clothing supply for the entire population. It includes not manufacturing fake fabrics, which cost the planet an unaffordable price, and being wary of producing new cotton, which although a natural fabric, is produced at a high price to the climate.

What goes on in China is beyond us, but so it should be, because of the mileage involved in transporting food or clothes so far, let alone from a country whose standards are not familiar to us. If our own country has, for instance, a supply of rabbit meat because a farmer has been over-run with wild rabbits destroying his crops, it makes no sense to refuse to eat the meat. It equally makes no sense to refuse to use the fur. There is a need to keep the balance of bio-diversity, not letting any population explode at the expense of others.

That is entirely different from factory farming of any kind. If someone collected the discarded rabbit skins from the butcher, to make garments, they will not harm the planet, and not harm an animal. The people who bought the meat and the people who buy the garments will also be eco-friendly and non cruel .

MervGriffinShow · 19/12/2020 22:24

You can have your opinion, and she can have a different one. As long as you're both respectful towards one another it needn't be an issue (unless either of you decides it makes you fundamentally incompatible as friends).

I find it odd to be against the use of animal skin as a fashion item whilst being willing to needlessly kill animals for food.

Still1nLove · 19/12/2020 22:26

I would be upset at her

Downunderduchess · 19/12/2020 22:32

Fur is murder, so I support you on that. However, calling hunting/killing an animal “dispatching” is downplaying the fact that you shot (presumably) and killed an animal yourself.

Skysblue · 19/12/2020 23:06

She’s not your friend. She deliberately tried to upset you. And yes, your ethical views are irreconcilable with hers. You sound like an intelligent ethical person and she sounds like a stupid prat who thonks only of herself. Glad you’ve ditched her.