We aren’t doing Christmas Presents this year...

[DBML]

We always do Christmas presents...though personally I couldn’t care less whether we did them or not, but historically we always have.

Today, I get a group text message that MIL is not doing presents and then BIL adds that he isn’t either.

Now, it’s not a huge deal and I understand...but am I being unreasonable thinking that they could have mentioned this a little earlier?

I completed my shopping weeks ago...bought all their gifts and the children’s gifts, which granted could probably mostly go back, but they are all here, wrapped and ready to be delivered in gift bags, with selection boxes and bottles of wine as the normal extras.

AIBU for being ever so slightly pissed off?

I will be letting it go, I’m certainly not going to complain, but felt like I needed a little vent.

They aren't doing gifts this year, you can still do gifts.

Is there a reason? Last minute financial problem or something?
If that was the case, I wouldn't be too annoyed and would still give them their gifts.
If they just cannot be bothered I wouldn't be happy in the slightest and would let them know I had already got theirs and don't appreciate the last minute notice. But then I would probably still give them to them as I wouldn't be arsed storing it for a year.

I'd be annoyed enough to specifically mention that I'd be returning the adult gifts.

I am shamelessly place marking for the fall out of when they realise you're not giving them any presents either.

@Kokosrieksts

I’d still give the presents to kids, but would make a point not giving to the adults given how late they’ve announced it.

But it wouldn't be making a point, it would be doing exactly as they've asked. The only point would be that you've gone against their wishes for the children, I'm not sure that would give the OP the high ground

I’d respond with a breezy “I sorted you all weeks ago”.

If they’re in financial difficulties/something else is going on then you’ve done a kind thing.

If they are CFers then it’s the ultimate passive aggressive fuck you.

We had this from DH's uncle. They had recently adopted two children so I made a point of looking for some nice gifts for them on their first Christmas with the wider family, and their new cousins who were a similar age

Christmas day 'oh we aren't doing presents this year'.

Fiiiiine, I get it, it becomes never ending, but a heads up would be nice.

I get vinyldetective's reasoning, but I think you should let them know you have the presents and are saving them for birthdays. And be happy (in public) that you will no longer have to be scouring the calendar at the beginning of each month into trying to account for their birthdays. This makes 2021 budgeting much simpler!
People who are serious about having 'no present' years start preparing the ground in September and make the announcement by November. They know full well you have the presents and are pulling a fast one on you.

I'd reply. no problem, I'll keep the bits I have bought for birthdays instead.

I don’t think I’d be able to resist sending a pic of you pouring the Chateauneuf Du Pape into your casserole with the caption “happily regifting your present to myself BIL”

When our family decided to stop doing presents, I started the ball rolling in September - 1 week before Christmas for a family that usually does presents is ridiculous

I'd save the presents OP and definitely put the wine in the casserole! (We use gifted red wine in our spag bol - even the expensive stuff because we don't drink red wine)

It’s really mean not doing kids presents.

I thought christmas was about giving not receiving. Maybe their having money problems given the situation we are all currently in and felt embrassed to tell you.I would give them unless you can return because money is an issue for you.

It is a bit late for them to come to that decision! I suspect that they were poor at budgeting, and have only now discovered that they need to save, and can't afford loads of presents. Fair enough, especially in a 'lean year' like 2020, but unless something really unexpected has happened, like a domestic disaster or a sudden job loss, they should have worked it out earlier. I would store the presents away for birthdays and other gifts, as pp have suggested.

Do you have children OP? Just wondering in case your kids see their cousins getting gifts from you then wonder why their uncle hasn’t bothered getting a gift for them.

@DBML

I think in all seriousness that I’m going to:

Give the kids their physical gifts.
Return the adults physical gifts, for money or vouchers.
Keep the alcohol or regift it to others.
Donate the chocolates and selection boxes.

I probably will text that ‘as I have already bought the children’s gifts, I’d like them to still have them, but thank you for letting me know for next year.’

Does that all sound fair?

Yes, although you are a better person than me.

But, I would do that, give the children theirs, and I would let the adults know I returned their gifts.
In due course, when it's too late for them to object!

I think it depends if you have kids that now suddenly won't be getting presents from granny and aunt/uncle. If so, I'd not be giving their kids presents either - not for 'revenge' but because it would be quite obviously unfair and potentially upsetting for your kids, depending on how young they are. I would however have the kids presents in the car just in case, because people this disorganised are quite capable of springing 'oh, we didn't mean no kid's gifts' on you with no notice at all.
I'd just leave it as the thumbs up, give the presents for birthdays, food bank the food and feel smug about having a whole year's worth of birthday gifts bought already!

I’d say, “Not a problem. I’ll donate the ones I bought you to the hospital as they are doing a collection to make sure everyone in hospital on Christmas Day gets a present xxx”

(

That way you’ve made the point that you’ve already shopped, but if they complain about not getting them, they look like the arses.

I was about to ask the same as MintCassis. It would be hugely unfair to your own DC (if you have them) to give their cousins gifts whilst they go without.

If not, tbh I'd still return the DC's gifts regardless but then I don't think that cheeky fuckery should be rewarded. Yes the DCs haven't been CFs but I doubt they'd notice amongst all their other gifts anyway (and if they did, their parents simply need to explain they said they weren't exchanging gifts with Auntie this year.)

I’d keep the gifts for birthdays, alcohol keeps for ages and chocolates usually have a good date on them so would keep as family treats and save buying things on the weekly shop. If short dated, I’d drop some off with the neighbours and spread a little festive cheer.

I’d just give them anyway since you’ve got them. The point of presents being in the giving etc. If you’re going to donate chocolates you might as well give them to family, it seems a bit mean-spirited not to.

I couldn’t be arsed faffing around with returns and vouchers. Its more trouble than its worth.

Hi Mintcassis, yes I have one son, but he’s 15, so he won’t mind.

In response to some of the posts, BIL or MIL have not been made redundant and nor have their partners. BIL has four children and just had a loft conversion completed, so may still be feeling the pinch...and I totally understand. I don’t mind not doing gifts, certainly for the adults, I don’t take offence at this at all...I am just a bit put out by the timing of telling us.

DH wanted to say something, but I’ve told him not to. I just don’t think it’s worth going down that road.

I probably won’t continue with gifts for the children after this year, as already there is a bit of unfairness with the gift giving. Years ago, when all the children were small (and there weren’t so many) it was suggested to me that we do £25-£30 each on the kids. I tend to go along with whatever, so that’s what we did. I stuck at one children, BIL went on to have four, so Christmas is already very expensive for me by comparison and if they aren’t bothering anymore, then I don’t think I’ll continue either.

I don’t think it’s worth falling out over, so I’ll have to just accept the lateness of their revelation, but thank you all for allowing me to vent here instead!

I am sure OP you will check with them very early next year and propose no presents.

MIL could be a cabinet minister in this government given her lack of forward planning.

Oh my nosswith! 😂 That is so true!