We aren’t doing Christmas Presents this year...

[DBML]

We always do Christmas presents...though personally I couldn’t care less whether we did them or not, but historically we always have.

Today, I get a group text message that MIL is not doing presents and then BIL adds that he isn’t either.

Now, it’s not a huge deal and I understand...but am I being unreasonable thinking that they could have mentioned this a little earlier?

I completed my shopping weeks ago...bought all their gifts and the children’s gifts, which granted could probably mostly go back, but they are all here, wrapped and ready to be delivered in gift bags, with selection boxes and bottles of wine as the normal extras.

AIBU for being ever so slightly pissed off?

I will be letting it go, I’m certainly not going to complain, but felt like I needed a little vent.

Very rude this close to christmas!

If you’re only giving presents in the first place as a ritual of reciprocal obligation then knock the whole thing on the head for good. Just message back saying you’ve already bought for this year so will give your gifts (because anything else is being incredibly petty) but you’re glad they sent this message because you’ve wanted to stop doing adult presents due to the expense and stress and are glad that everyone has agreed you won’t be exchanging presents from next year onwards.

They're probably hoping you'll just give them the presents anyway!

I think I might pour half of BIL’s Chateauneuf du Pape into tonight’s sausage casserole...

Your dh needs to tell them they are selfish for saying this so late.

I would have said "oh I've sorted all yours already?!" and just put the problem back on them

Do they normally leave Christmas Shopping so late? I would like you ,not make a big deal out of it TBH. You will still have your own family to gift to.Maybe put chocolates in food bank if you can .I dont think they will accept Alcohol ,so what a shame have to drink it all yourselves !

Comtesse, I appreciate that that would be taking the high road and definitely the thing I should do.
I’m just struggling with the high road right this minute. Give me an hour though and you’re probably right.

I'd be mighty annoyed by the late announcement but would just put all the gifts you have bought away for birthdays or next Christmas. Anything that won't keep can be donated to a food bank, charity or care home?

I think in all seriousness that I’m going to:

Give the kids their physical gifts.
Return the adults physical gifts, for money or vouchers.
Keep the alcohol or regift it to others.
Donate the chocolates and selection boxes.

I probably will text that ‘as I have already bought the children’s gifts, I’d like them to still have them, but thank you for letting me know for next year.’

Does that all sound fair?

I hate when people leave plans that affect others till the last second then everyone else has to change plans they made weeks or months ago. It's just selfish and inconsiderate.

I was going to suggest the food bank for perishables too.

I would be annoyed at the late notice and would have said something. I would get ahead for next year and suggest a secret Santa instead of present buying.

I would also save presents for birthdays or next year if you can.

CNdP is too good for sausage casserole. 🍷

@DBML

I think in all seriousness that I’m going to:

Give the kids their physical gifts.
Return the adults physical gifts, for money or vouchers.
Keep the alcohol or regift it to others.
Donate the chocolates and selection boxes.

I probably will text that ‘as I have already bought the children’s gifts, I’d like them to still have them, but thank you for letting me know for next year.’

Does that all sound fair?

Sounds perfect.

I'd say "well I've already bought everything since Chrismtas is next week. I'll give the kids theirs and return the adults when I get time. Will make a note for next year though."

Why shouldn't they know they've fucked you about?

That sounds perfect OP!

Thumbs up is perfect.

Fuck em.

I'd announce the week before MIL's birthday that you've decided not to do birthdays either this year.

I'd say "thanks for the great notice, [fuckers], I'll take the ones I've bought back for a refund"

And then move on with your life

It's actually quite smart. Like this they can say they told you, but by doing it late they also ensured they get presents! Impressive in some way. 😁

Yanbu. Return what you can, drink what you can and remember for next year.

I'd tell them it's a bit late notice to let you know as you've already spent time on getting theirs. However you are now happily making the decision to donate it all to a charity (preferably one that isn't close to their hearts!) sorry but i wouldn't give them a thing

I dont think your message is good, the comment about next year makes you look like the difficult one while relieving them of the pressure

God, I wouldn't take the high road I'm afraid. I'd return what I could and use the rest for future presents (and personally enjoy any edibles).

My SIL often does this, usually because she hasn’t been shopping and can’t be bothered, usually a week before Christmas she will send me a message telling me not to buy her dc presents because they are not bothering this year. I always finish my shopping by the end of November so I find it a bit annoying.

The CFkers will know that you've already bought them gifts.
May be a tad unreasonable and petty but I'd not be gifting their offspring the gifts either.
I'd hand them out in the street first.
So rude. Shows how much they appreciate the thought that goes into your gift giving each year too. Could be seen as they don't want your tat thanks- not worth them reciprocating.

I think that’s a good plan. I’m glad the kids will gets their presents, it’s not their fault the adults in their lives have done this. Who announces this so close to Xmas? I’d just buy the kids next year.

@DBML

I think in all seriousness that I’m going to:

Give the kids their physical gifts.
Return the adults physical gifts, for money or vouchers.
Keep the alcohol or regift it to others.
Donate the chocolates and selection boxes.

I probably will text that ‘as I have already bought the children’s gifts, I’d like them to still have them, but thank you for letting me know for next year.’

Does that all sound fair?

A good response.