To tell you about my very successful friend

[2020ns]

I have a lovely friend I met at school who’s the definition of high flyer. She got a degree from Oxbridge then went straight to work in finance in London, where she met her lovely husband who’s in the same line of work. If I had to guess (going by the house they’ve recently bought) I’d say they’re probably on about £500k between them.

They had a beautiful wedding in Italy and went on to have two kids (twin boys). Her boss paid her full salary for a whole year so she could stay home with the kids. She’s now gone back to work and they have a nanny to look after the boys, who will be educated privately when the time comes.

They both live down south in a house that they bought for around £2.5m (despite being only late 30s!!) and go on lots of stunning and very expensive holidays to places like the Maldives and skiing, pre-Covid of course.

As for me, I got a degree from a very average uni and now work in an admin role I don’t enjoy. I got the very basic maternity package from my company (as you’d expect in a role like mine) and will be putting DS into nursery full time soon to go back to work, again Covid allowing. Me and DH earn a decent amount between us (£60k per annum) and we live in a small three bed semi. Our DC will be going to the decidedly average local state school when the time comes.

I sometimes look at my friend and wish I had the personality, confidence and intellect to achieve everything she has.

I’m not sure what the point of this post is really - I’m just in awe at how well she and her hubby have done in life!

@Mummyozzi I’ve never heard something so ridiculous in all my life! 😂😂😂😂

Did you honestly just post maybe her husband is getting hand jobs in the public toilets on his way home. Are you for real!!!

Why can’t she just be happy and enjoying a good period of time in her life?

Although by your logic I suppose maybe her husband is a serial killer murdering children on the weekends! That would definitely mean she doesn’t have everything she as good as @2020ns thinks!

Well I suddenly feel very unaccomplished I'm my life haha.

Comparison is the thief of joy

It feels good to be happy for your friend.

Christmasisallaroundus 🙄🙄🙄 I was speaking in hyperbole terms and it was not literal. My point is that there are any number of possible things that could be happening in their life or their marriage that op isn't aware. People are complex and often don't know what is beneath the surface of their own marriage, so how can their friends ? That was my point that happiness is circumstantial.

It baffles me that we all want to live in this cupcake universe and tell fairytales to one another and we are grown women....

We must not admit to feelings of envy with our friends, not even on mumsnet when we are all anonymous.

We mustn't tell op that her friends life probably isn't that perfect even though we are speaking about an anonymous person 🙄

We must just tell ourselves and each other instagram memes like 'don't compare yourself to others' and repeat cheesy sayings.

If you can't be real on an anonymous forum then where can you. I would have thought it was quite healthy to acknowledge/vent your envy and move on.

Finally, I think naive ideas about marriage and people and this kindergarten idea that we all live happily ever after without issues/secrets/infidelity is just as unrealistic as thinking heaps of wealthy men cheat !

@Mummyozzi my point is that you are one of many posters who has insisted the op friend can’t just be a happily married well off woman. There has to be something wrong that’s hidden.

I have my troubles. I have several v close family members and friends who have been lucky enough thus far to avoid any major troubles. They are genuinely happy wealthy and married with lovely DC. Maybe down the line something bad will happen maybe it won’t but I don’t have to ‘console’ myself that maybe they’re secretly unhappy to make myself feel better about my own less than ideal circumstances. I find doing that pretty pathetic and bitter. Also find it sad if you genuinely don’t believe people can be happy! And that it’s a fairytale if someone says they are. Poor you.

Christmasisallaroundus I don't think happy marriages and people are a fairytale. I think that the average couple will live to 90 in a happy, faithful marriage without bumps in the road is as likely as believing they won't.

Yes, you can be happy for your friends.

However for some of us mere mortals, it is perhaps challenging to think our friends are perfectly happy & faring so much better than us.

I don't see how a reality check hurts the op or her friend - knowing we all have our ups and downs.

It's not bitter, it's just being a normal
person with normal emotions -
good and bad.

Bitter would be making snappy comments to the friend.

Op isnt wishing i'll know her friend she's just having an honest moment of wondering why life sometimes seems a little unfair.

OP

Glad you are happy.

No, happy couples are not a rarity. Mumsnet tells you it is but it really isn't.

42% of UK marriages end in divorce which means almost half of marriages aren't happy and won't last.

Of the marriages that do last how many stay together for kids or money or because it's too hard to leave ?

The statistics for men who chest is 20% and women who cheat is 16%. Those are just the ones that got caught 🤷‍♀️

I'm not a cynic I'm a realist.

Who is paying all of these high class escorts
and an entire sex industry of women in the UK. Just all the single men keeping that going ?

@Mummyozzi by your logic it’s op friends husband keeping it going as there’s no way she is really happy! It has to all be a clever ruse by her friend to make op feel bad about herself

it's not, I know someone who worked as an escort and in strip clubs and she said most of them were married men with kids and families on their phone screen saver. A lot of them were high flying executives that were happily married. She said it made her cynical about marriage and men.

I wouldn't say I'm that cynical and I still believe there are nice men and marriages. However I do think there are a lot of women that don't want to lift the rug on life. They want to be kept in this fantasy world where everything is happy and nice. I think that's fine but I'm not going to sit around and pretend like it's fact when it's not.

Well it's all relative isn't it, we're on £50k combined and live in a flat, I'd love a £60k and a 3 bed semi.
Although, I do get what you mean. It's hard not to feel jealous and compare yourself to others. Not sure I'd want a nanny though, and also don't know why nurseries are seen as the "lesser" option. Kids get to be with others their own age and play, what's bad about that?

christmasisallaroundus please keep this as your username after Christmas as it would be perfect for you !

I do think anonymous friend could be in a happy marriage. As explained several times, I also think that it might not be as happy as it seems or that they have their problems like most people. Also that people go through peaks and troughs in life.

If your anonymous friend is on Mumsnet she will recognise herself very easily and so will any of her other friends. I would be horrified if I read a post referring to me and my life on here!

Don't be bitter and resentful because she has what you perceive to be a perfect life. Be a glass half-full person and be thankful you have your child, your house, your husband, your job.

You seem to be equating self-value with the value of the things you own. They're not the same. You are inherently valuable OP. So are people with much less than you. Having more doesn't make you more worthy as an individual. Your friend is privileged in a material way. Good for her, but it's not the be all and end all.

Your household income is a lot more than mine OP.

Try being grateful for what you have, instead of being materialistic. Plus - I don’t give a shiny one about how marvellously rich your friend is.

Good for her!
I’d hate working in finance, living “down south” (assuming you mean the stockbroker belt) and I’d hate having a nanny.

I’d lobe more money but I’d rather have my job than most of those that pay very highly.

Studies have shown that once you earn over 40k or so, any increase in earnings doesn't massively increase your level of happiness. 🤷

Let me summarise how all these threads go:
No one is happy, everyone on a planet is just pretending and if someone smiles at you, it's because they are hiding some horrible secret.
We are all just miserable bastards living with miserable bastards and pretending on SM that that's not the case. So no need for envy because no one is happy. There.

@Biffbaff. Good post!

I don’t understand some of these replies. Life is never smooth all the way - it may seem that way for some - can we not say that without the implication that somehow we are knocking other women? And the comment about missing children being sexist????!!!!!

No @SchrodingersImmigrant

It is much more nuanced than that

Not many people are as successful as that, so good for her!

But if you are comparing - then you are comparing against something that most people don’t even consider achievable.
And if it makes you feel better, there must be millions of people that would envy you.
You have got a degree, a job, a husband, a house, children.
Sit back at think to yourself ‘I have it all’.
If you really want to make a change, think about getting a new job/career that you’re happy with. That looks like it would the icing on the cake.

Wow MN really hates successful people. The friend could not be successful and happy, could she? Because successful people must have traded their soul already, if they even had one to begin with.

Studies have shown that once you earn over 40k or so, any increase in earnings doesn't massively increase your level of happiness.

I thought it was 70k. I'd be very happy with that if it wasn't for stupid house prices & the fact I was still at uni in the 00s.