Friend isn't paying for my birthday "meal"?

[beebbeep]

It was my friends birthday in November and I gave a special present that I knew she would appreciate.
She came over to mine and I paid for a takeaway for us (about £28)
Boxing Day is my birthday and the plan was to come to my house again but this time it was her treat for my birthday.
She rang last night and we were chatting then she mentions
"I can't afford to pay for your half of the takeaway only mine" "I ordered you a special present but it hasn't arrived yet"
So no doubt that won't arrive.
She has been splashing the cash lately so I know she's fine for money and tbh it's no skin off my nose il pay for myself but it just felt a bit cheeky.
Aibu ?

Your gift was the meal , she has ordered a gift which you will receive when it arrives . YABU

Your only gift to her was paying for her half the takeaway?
She is getting you a physical gift, may be it’s of the same value of her meal that night?
It’s about the giving not the getting! Oh well, don’t read too much into it.

Cancel your birthday. Seems like you should anyway with the new CV rules. Birthdays aren’t a competition but your friend hasn’t prioritised you. So cancel or postpone to when restrictions are lower. That will be the litmus test - a whole pay day later, what will her excuse be??

Your gift was the meal , she has ordered a gift which you will receive when it arrives .

Was it just the meal? I thought because her friend has ordered the OP a birthday present (which hasn't arrived yet but Post Office has delays), the OP did the same for her. So a meal + the present or was it just the meal? Anyway, the friend has ordered the gift. If the gift doesn't arrive (because the friend is a CF and hasn't ordered it) then don't celebrate birthdays with her anymore. That's it, simple.

Blimey blue thistles, I can only assume that you are suffering from a bad case of aerophlagy. You are so angry.
No point in arguing with you, but I wish you a very happy Christmas xxx

I think, if it were me, and a friend said this, I'd respond (a tad passive-aggressively), "Oh don't worry, my treat. You bring wine."

Are you suggesting the OP pay for both of them for her own birthday? And, no doubt the CF would find a reason not to bring the wine.

OP, I would tell her that you will wait to celebrate when your present arrives/just after her payday. And then forget about it. Don't pay for any more rounds, on her next birthday don't buy anything. If she asks about the lack of present just say you thought you weren't doing presents anymore as she hasn't given you one for x number of years.

@Helpneededbyanoutsider

Your only gift to her was paying for her half the takeaway? She is getting you a physical gift, may be it’s of the same value of her meal that night? It’s about the giving not the getting! Oh well, don’t read too much into it.

OP gave the CF a special present.

@SallyB392

Blimey blue thistles, I can only assume that you are suffering from a bad case of aerophlagy. You are so angry. No point in arguing with you, but I wish you a very happy Christmas xxx

Just understand the feeble excuses rolled out by users.. you used the most often wheeled out one.

I’d be hurt if my friend said this to me and I would maybe bear that in mind for future birthdays.
Myself and a friend have birthdays over the Christmas period so we celebrate together in the summer, so we both feel special celebrating our birthdays, not surrounded by Christmas. Not for everyone but we love it so maybe an idea you could consider; that way she’d have more money available if this is what’s important to you 🤷‍♀️

I was also of the view that you shouldn't expect her to buy a takeaway because you bought it on hers. I don't like this idea of having to give out of obligation and I think you should just give what you want to give otherwise there is a good chance you will feel short changed.

However if you agreed due to covid that you would get a takeaway for your birthdays then she is wrong to have not out aside the money for yours. How about you say "okay how about we do my birthday takeaway after pay day when you'll have more cash?"

"... and my gift should have arrived by then"

I don’t think she’s a good friend. I had a friend myself before that never tried to choose a present (always looked like she regifted some unwanted things, as sometimes they were not looking brand new) and never offered to pay when we met for a coffee (I always paid), even when I lost my job and she was bragging about her new job in dentistry! She still didn’t offer to pay, rather asked who’s paying today? As always because of my nature I said I can pay (I genuinely don’t remember her offering to pay even once).But that was our last meeting, after which I decided she is pretty crappy friend. I found different reason why I didn’t want to be friends anymore, the real reason was that she was just so selfish, and if she didn’t see it herself, I would not be the one to point it out.
Though I would share my friendship experience here. Sometimes I guess we are better off without crappy friends. Good luck with your friend though.

YABU! You shouldn't give to receive!

OP didn't give to receive. The group of friends agreed to treat one another on their birthdays. OP paid when it was her turn, and now her friend is refusing to hold up her end of the bargain. There's nothing wrong with expecting a friend to do as she said she would. Given her pattern of behaviour, it seems likely that she could afford to treat OP, but she chooses not to make any sacrifice.

Honestly, OP, when/if the gift fails to arrive, I'd suggest stopping gift exchanges altogether. It's no fun being the one who is always giving and never receiving. You can still be friends without gifts and paying for one another's takeaway, but I'd stop letting her take advantage.

I wouldn't even suggest stopping gift exchanges, I'd just not buy for her again if your special gift doesn't turn up

Tell her you understand about things not turning up and being hard up over Christmas so suggest you postpone instead fo going ahead on boxing day. If she pushes for the actual day just say you'd prefer to wait - straight after Christmas is a bit much anyway. Then badger her every week about the "special present" as though you're really excited to see what she's bought you. After Christmas, as soon as she starts posting about new purchases message her "Oh great, your finances are straightened out! When shall we arrange that birthday takeaway for, Saturday?"

Once she's either found a way to get out of it (it's turned up but it's broken and they don't take returns/they say I received it but I didn't/woe is me/they must have oversold and now say they are out/etc.) or, if she has any shame, bothered to buy you a present and get it to you, drop her.

What she's doing isn't "cheeky", she's deliberately reneging on her word so she can have more stuff at your expense.

Some people are like this and find satisfaction is saving themselves money and utilising others money. It is the way they are. You can accept it, tell her you are unhappy (but don't expect significant change) or decide to move on from the friendship.

If it were not skin off my nose’ and my friend couldn’t afford a takeaway or a gift, I’d pay for her takeaway too. This ‘I gave you so you owe me’ attitude stinks. You are not real friends. I love my close friends and we help each out in any way we can, financial or otherwise.

Well now you know what to do when its her birthday. If shes a taker, stop giving. Let her present be lost in post and make sure you only pay for half the bills in future

I was in an abusive relationship when I was much younger and he was always like this. I took him out for his birthday but when it came to my birthday, he expected me to pay for the meal... Total user. She isn’t a real friend at all, I also doubt the present will ever arrive.

YABU! You shouldn't give to receive!

You shouldnt take all the time without giving back either.

Unless this is all out of context and she's usually a lovely thoughtful friend, step back a bit, be grateful she can't come anyway now with the changed rules and she won't give you the gift of Covid.

I couldn't get upset over £14

Why bother with such a friend anyway? Rather spend all the takeaway money on myself and buy something nice!

She sounds like the typical “taker”, takes everything offered (whether they need it or not) and never gives anything back. And no, you don’t give to receive but there’s a difference in giving and being taken the mick out of. If I were you, I would cancel.