Friend isn't paying for my birthday "meal"?

[beebbeep]

It was my friends birthday in November and I gave a special present that I knew she would appreciate.
She came over to mine and I paid for a takeaway for us (about £28)
Boxing Day is my birthday and the plan was to come to my house again but this time it was her treat for my birthday.
She rang last night and we were chatting then she mentions
"I can't afford to pay for your half of the takeaway only mine" "I ordered you a special present but it hasn't arrived yet"
So no doubt that won't arrive.
She has been splashing the cash lately so I know she's fine for money and tbh it's no skin off my nose il pay for myself but it just felt a bit cheeky.
Aibu ?

I always work off the assumption that if it's at yours, you host. That aside I see your point. I agree with other posters. Don't get take away. Personally I'd make something but if you don't want to cook on your birthday then get a frozen pizza or something cheap and ask her to bring wine and pud. Then gush about how much you're looking forward to your surprise present

People act like that because others continue to tolerate it. If she has some good qualities, maybe the friendship is worth keeping.

If all she does is sponge off you, well then it isn't, in my opinion.

She's a cheeky bitch.

Just say to her look why don’t we not do gifts anymore? Let’s just go out for a meal or take away and each pay our own share, it’s much more important to spend time together bla bla bla.

Move it to Jan when you’re surprise present should have arrived!

@BloggersBlog

I never understand the mentality of people like you OP. She is so obviously using you, she isnt hiding it, you have many examples from what you say of her doing it.

Yet you persist in calling her your friend and will no doubt come up with countless examples too of her kindness/always there/whatever to back up why you accept it and your feeble standards of friendship.

Why moan about her now? You have accepted what she is like, yet dont like it when it is turned back on you

Get a backbone and tell her, or stop whining

Blunt but true. If you want this to change, you have to stop enabling her.

Why are you friends? I don't stay friends with people just because I've known them for years. It's how we treat each other generally that makes a relationship.

I would cancel, she needs to know. 'Oh OK let's not bother with my birthday then. See you in the new year'. Celebrate with someone else.

You should say to her that you arent bothered about the takeaway, if shes skint then you understand, she can make you both a nice home cooked meal to take over. As the being treated is what matters isnt it cf...???

Then se what she says.

I had a 'friend" like this. I stopped putting my hand in my pocket, now we dont talk.

If you are not bothered about being on your own Boxing Day then I'd suggest delaying the takeaway until present arrives and doing both together at end January . Put ball back into her court.

I too wouldn't bother and would have replied cancelling. Surely it takes the shine off the whole thing knowing she's happy to take but doesn't really want to give.

Given how long its gone on for I'd just be approaching it directly. Ask her what she's got you and exactly when does it come just keep asking questions until she regrets lying.

Rein in the treats, stop buying gifts. When she mentions it suggest that you thought that this has stopped between you as she never gets you gifts or reciprocates. Then change the subject

Stop spending money on her. You’re being used.

Has she been ‘splashing the cash’ because it’s Xmas and she needs to buy presents for family?

I wouldn’t want to go to someone’s house for a takeaway on Boxing Day (birthday or not).
Can you suggest postponing it?

Presumably you offered to pay for the takeaway last time, she didn’t ask you to pay her share? Did she ask for a special present?

It’s sad you feel she’s not making an effort for your birthday or matching you in terms of spending. One of the problems of a birthday on the 26th I guess?

Next year I’d just not get her a ‘special present’ or takeaway. Not all friends bother with things like this or want to!

I don’t know... I have friends who are very generous but I wish they listened when I say I don’t want any gifts or special celebrations. Unfortunately they don’t listen and in return for all their generosity I feel crap at not spending as much on their birthdays/Christmas even when the little I spent might be putting me and DS out of pocket until the end of the month.

I would also be resentful if they saw my previous expenses as “splurging the money” unless you are suggesting she needs to sacrifice parts of her plans to reciprocate the value of the gift that you chose for her?

I would take the lead from her, go halves with the take away or cancel altogether, next year mirror her efforts.

£28 for a takeaway for two? Blimey, we're normally paying about £16!

If there was one of those M&S / Waitrose etc meal deals which often include wine they are about £12-15 and that's her paying for everything at the price of half a takeaway. Trouble is they won't be available Boxing Day but you could re-arrange. Or she could cook for you.

Thing is, she is a cheapskate who doesn't see the need to reciprocate so probably won't want to do those things. Tell her how it is??

just sack her off and do something else on your birthday with people who care about you? or on your own?

A gift and paying for the takeaway wouldn't necessarily be cheap. Perhaps she is someone who secretly dislikes the whole gift giving thing but can't articulate it. I'm a bit like this. I just can't be bothered with it all.

I would be inclined to give Boxing Day a miss. Going forward, just drop the presents and treating her. It's not reciprocated and probably not appreciated.

I had a friend when I was younger who was always last to buy a round of drinks/offer to drive. Eventually, I just used to tell her when it was her turn. Another friend did the same. It was a running joke between us.

I would cancel the take away. Say, " just come over for a few drinks, because I can't afford it either." Stop buying her gifts and take aways.

Gifts shouldn't be given with any obligation or expectations attached. She doesn't have to treat you just because you treated her.

Don't do conditional gift giving and you won't have this problem.

Hope you haven't brought her a Christmas present?!

Have you not posted about her several times before?
It sounds very familiar.

I'll say the same as I said on the other threads (and if it's not you who was posting about this friend the advice applies anyway) STOP buying her stuff.
And cancel the Boxing Day thing. Say you haven't got any money to be buying a takeaway.

I'd cancel. These types of people cause more anguish than they're worth. Why have this pettiness hang over your birthday?

She's a user and I can't stand people like that. I'd tell her you'll meet up after Christmas when you've both got a bit more money.