Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend isn't paying for my birthday "meal"?

127 replies

beebbeep · 19/12/2020 08:30

It was my friends birthday in November and I gave a special present that I knew she would appreciate.
She came over to mine and I paid for a takeaway for us (about £28)
Boxing Day is my birthday and the plan was to come to my house again but this time it was her treat for my birthday.
She rang last night and we were chatting then she mentions
"I can't afford to pay for your half of the takeaway only mine" "I ordered you a special present but it hasn't arrived yet"
So no doubt that won't arrive.
She has been splashing the cash lately so I know she's fine for money and tbh it's no skin off my nose il pay for myself but it just felt a bit cheeky.
Aibu ?

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 19/12/2020 11:48

She certainly seems like one of lifes takers doesnt she?! I would decide whether you want to continue this friendship or not, as it does seem rather one sided! If you have bought her a nice gift and paid for her take away meal ,then she would be expected to reciprocate ,but you cant make her! Maybe accept it ,but just tell her in future just pay your own ways and maybe just buy some chocs or smellies for one another .

Newnamefor2021 · 19/12/2020 11:50

If tell her not to bother. Sounds like she is quite selfish.

Newnamefor2021 · 19/12/2020 11:50

I'd

MAK93 · 19/12/2020 11:52

Stop bitching about your ‘friend’ on MN & speak to her.

People will always exaggerate circumstances like this so you don't look unreasonable.

perditaplum · 19/12/2020 11:55

@Eng123

If you are actually friends then it wouldn't even occur to either of you to care about the meal, you would just be concerned for the others position.
this. YABU.
JingleFails · 19/12/2020 12:03

People will always exaggerate circumstances like this so you don't look unreasonable

You the friend?

Read what the OP wrote.
Friend has form for this and OP has had enough.
Friendship goes both ways, the friend just takes.

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 19/12/2020 12:06

Suggest moving your birthday meal to January. Gives time for the gift to arrive and she can pay for the dinner!

pessimistiquerealistique · 19/12/2020 12:34

I would never expect my guests to pay for their takeaways on my birthday unless they would firmly insist on it.
Also, as in your case, the fact that she can't pay for it, just spoils your birthday. Don't do it next time.

Ylvamoon · 19/12/2020 12:38

A gift is something you want to give freely.

goopsoup · 19/12/2020 12:43

OP, you need to STOP treating her. She's a CF user, use her back.

MummytoCSJH · 19/12/2020 12:46

'Ah that's such a shame, we'll have to cancel then as I can't afford mine either! I haven't put any money aside as I thought we'd agreed it was what we were doing for each other this year instead of giving gifts :( see you next year!' Then never see her again.
I don't agree you wouldn't care about the cost of the meal just because she is your friend - if I'd budgeted based on the agreement that I'd got hers for her birthday and she would be getting mine for my birthday, I probably wouldn't then be able to afford to then get mine. I had a friend like yours when I was younger with the same birthday as me, and a few times I really went out of my way to get thoughtful gifts for her - she either didn't get me anything without mentioning we weren't doing gifts (we were 'best friends' so not me misunderstanding our closeness or anything) but happily took mine or told me it was 'ordered and on its way' never to be heard of again. Sack it off, it's draining.

akittencalledjesus · 19/12/2020 12:51

Absolutely tell her you can't afford to host her as you've already paid out on a take away for her birthday this year and you'd budgeted according to your mutual agreement.

Fuck it, you agreed it for this year, call her out on it.

InTheDrunkTank · 19/12/2020 13:49

@MAK93

Stop bitching about your ‘friend’ on MN & speak to her.

People will always exaggerate circumstances like this so you don't look unreasonable.

Errr let's just shut down AIBU then!
Feedingthebirds1 · 19/12/2020 15:34

Phone her. tell her you've been thinking about it and this year's been difficult for everyone. So she's right, it would be better from now on if you each paid for yourselves when you do anything, so that you know what you can afford. Wait for the reaction.

There's a 0.01% chance she'll breathe a sigh of relief and agree with you. There's a 99.99% chance that she'll come back at you with that's no fun, it would be miserable, it's not what friends do. Stick to your guns. And when she says she'll come round and pay for her share of the takeaway, make sure you see the colour of her money before you order.

You'll see her true colours, and whether she does actually think of you as a friend, or if you're a cashpoint.

DrManhattan · 19/12/2020 16:17

Just cancel, say you will book something in the new year (and then don't)

BlueThistles · 19/12/2020 16:50

She's a selfish conceited bitch.. and you know she is... she takes takes takes and gives fuck all.. that's why she's not struggling for money OP..

You are a generous kind person and she's taking the piss right out you and others by the sounds of it...

I'd also cancel... Enjoy your Christmas Birthday OP Xmas Smile Glitterball

WhereamI88 · 19/12/2020 18:28

Looks like Boris fixed this for you since you can't meet up on Boxing Day anymore...I'd suggest you cool the friendship in the new year, she's no friend

Noranorav · 19/12/2020 18:41

She sounds a bit of a user - if no money of course understandably, but in her shoes she could still offer to bring a birthday meal with her for easily the same price as her half of takeaway. It seems she has form for taking...

Yespresh · 20/12/2020 17:54

I’m afraid she is not your friend. Sorry

Misty78 · 20/12/2020 18:01

If she does it all the time why do you treat her?, I'd do the same back and tell her you'd ordered something that didn't turn up etc

SeasonFinale · 20/12/2020 18:13

Well as no mixing is allowed on Boxing Day its a moot point

Ddot · 20/12/2020 18:18

I paid for my friends meal on my birthday (50th) because she was skint. Then found out she had been on a night out two days before. I felt rather hurt and thats putting it mildly

MadameBoulaye · 20/12/2020 18:42

I think it shows a lack of respect. She’s not being honest. I’ve known “friends” like this and I’ve gradually let them slip. Fine if you know and they explain genuine hardship but not when they’re just happy to take - no principles and that doesn’t sit well with me. A year ago a “friend” owed me money for her child attending an event and an hour before, she texted to say child was sick. I went along with my child, tried to get a refund but couldn’t, tried to sell the ticket to other parents as it was a sell-out event but no one bought, and sent her 2 reminders for payment and each time she replied “I’ll pay you later today” but never did. Rude and disrespectful and I don’t see her nowadays.

SallyB392 · 20/12/2020 19:31

It's possible that she does have money problems but has managed to access a catalogue account or similar and is splurging.

But, more importantly, when you give a gift to someone it should be without strings attached.

BlueThistles · 20/12/2020 20:00

@SallyB392

It's possible that she does have money problems but has managed to access a catalogue account or similar and is splurging.

But, more importantly, when you give a gift to someone it should be without strings attached.

More importantly people who take gifts and have a track record or not giving gifts have a brass neck and should not be included in the gifting season.. because they have fuck all good will to anyone but themselves.. and rolling out the old.. when you give a gift to someone it should be without strings attached. is an age old bollocks reason to excuse appalling bad manners... So not OP YANBU.. about this Tight arse TAKER... hiding behind the.. it's the giving that matters ... BULLSHIT
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.