My mum died

[TheoriginalLEM]

She was in a nursing home

Ivr seen her once in the past two months due to bastard COVID

It wasnt expected but it was iyswim

I cant believe shes gone

When I read this Lem it made me gasp and I shed a tear.. Never before has a death of a 'stranger' from the internet made me so sad.. You were so kind to me in a PP and I had followed your heartbreaking agonies about your mum.. I am so, so sorry LEM and I am sending heartfelt hugs to you. and flowers, wine, chocolates..

I am so sorry for your loss - however expected, it is still an enormous shock. And however complicated, she is still your mother. Such a difficult time of year too.

So sorry for your loss OP. Sending love

Oh I am sorry to hear that LEM. Be kind to yourself. My mil died a few weeks ago in a home (my own mum died v young) and we are doing ok but it is very sad. Sending you a bear hug.

Oh LEM, I am so very sorry. I've followed your struggles with your mum, the lack of help from services, all the difficulties. It must be such a mixed bag of feelings. Look after yourself.

Very sorry to read this .

Like lots of people on here, I remember hearing about your mum. You won't see this right now but you were a very good daughter to her, you tried to keep her safe and protected when she was very good at being unsafe and had been ill (life-threateningly so) on other occasions due to her lack of self-care. It's a testament to you she got to 85!

I wish I had been more patient with my relative that died, but it is what it is. We are not saintly and neither are they. My relative was also 'difficult' and it does drive you to the brink yourself, but neither you or I stopped caring and stopped seeking care for them and we have to acknowledge that whilst we didn't care perfectly, we did care for them.

I'm so sorry. I've read many of your threads about her.
I also had a complex relationship with my difficult mother and the grieving journey was much harder and more complex than when I lost my kind, loving father.
Thinking of you x

@TheoriginalLEM

Hugs

Whether or not your rational brain knows it was time, that she had no quality of life, your heart will still grieve, it's horribly sad when you loose a parent, even an elderly ill one. Give yourself plenty of space to reflect, to process and don't get hard on yourself. Thinking of you

Sorry for your loss

I am so sorry to hear about the sad passing of your mum

I’m so sorry for your loss

I'm really sorry to hear that OP.

This year has been particularly difficult for people with elderly parents when they've not been able to spend their final months with people they love most .

I'm so sorry

So sorry LEM
Sounds like she is as peace now and at some point you will be thankful for that, until then it’s only time passing that helps knit you back together so you can carry on.

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is a big deal no matter how old and ill they were.

So sorry. Poor you.

So sorry for your loss. Mine died too in similar circumstances back in April and she too was very difficult and very loved and I miss her. I hope they are up in heaven being difficult together.

I'm very sorry for your loss op. It's so hard losing a parent in ordinary times, but it must be even harder during a pandemic.

I’m so sorry.

I don’t think you should have any regrets about not being more patient with her. A feisty woman would have had no problems putting you in your place if she’d felt she needed to

I remember all your threads about her very well, LEM, and I'm sure you know you couldn't possibly have done more for her

I'm very sorry for your loss, but she's at peace now and as this awful time passes hopefully the better times will start to erase the more painful memories

Wishing you peace and much happier days ahead

So sorry LEM 💐

All of your kind words mean so much. Especially those of you who remember my rants, which at their time kept me sane (well, just about).

They want to do a post mortem and im not happy about it. I can object but the coroner made it clear it was most likely to go ahead and its scheduled for monday so i don't wish to delay it. She was an 85 year old woman with multiple, complex and potentially life limiting illnesses. Leave her alone ffs.

I have to agree that mum's quality of life was gone and the prospect of her being away from us at Christmas was distressing for us.

I am staggered by how this has hit me, i thought id just feel relief but i feel robbed. I had this image of going to the carehome and sitting in the garden drinking tea with mum and her maybe pulling some weeds up and me telling her to be careful. We would take her to the garden centre and be careful not to express a liking for anything too expensive as she'd insist on buying it for us. She would give you her last penny and money was her way of expressing her love. She didn't have much but she gave freely.

She was an absolute demon and some of her antics are legendary within a pretty feisty family. The last few years have been hell for her and me, but i have goid memories too. My naughty mum 💔

I'm so sorry