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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mum died

117 replies

TheoriginalLEM · 18/12/2020 00:37

She was in a nursing home

Ivr seen her once in the past two months due to bastard COVID

It wasnt expected but it was iyswim

I cant believe shes gone

OP posts:
aprilanne · 18/12/2020 01:09

OP I am sorry for your loss it's never easy to lose someone but just now it just seems 10 times harder I know .my dad died in august he text me a shopping list I got shopping went to his flat as I had done everyday through covid and he had just collapsed of a heart attack I nearly did as well from the shock .but his funeral was small but done very nice .please lean on friends family church wherever at the sad time to get you through

DramaAlpaca · 18/12/2020 01:10

I'm so sorry. You've posted about the situation before, I remember it was very difficult for you. It will still hurt, she was your mum in spite of everything. My condolences on your loss Flowers Also a big virtual if that's OK. I think you need one.

Vanlady · 18/12/2020 01:13

Sorry for your loss x

Topseyt · 18/12/2020 01:22

I am so very sorry. That must be very difficult for you.

I think I remember you posting about her from time to time and know things were not easy. Covid has been a bigger though and made tough situations much worse.

Be kind to yourself and look after yourself too.

ladybird69 · 18/12/2020 01:25

Same with my mum. She moved into a nursing home the week before covid. Shame as she was going to join in with all the activities and make the most of it. Basically they were all put into solitary confinement to stop the virus from spreading and her health deteriorated rapidly and she died in October. She wasn’t very well but there was no reason to think that she was going to die anytime soon. It’s going to stay with me forever. 2020 I hate you.

Crafting1Queen · 18/12/2020 01:26

Oh Op, I only saw that update, after I posted the immortal words "lovely". I am so, sorry. If it's any consolation, and in time, may bring a wry smile to your face if you ever think about the comment - My Dad, who died several years ago, was also an absolute Demon, a very difficult man, who was also tortured (& us by extension) by poor mental health etc. I had to end up going fully NC with him, which was the hardest decision of my life to take & stick to, but was there with him at the end too, so my consolation in all of that, was same as you, he did not die alone, and under the circumstances of the illness that caused his sudden death, and all the tortures he had suffered as a result of MH issues, it was peaceful and calm and pain free passing. (Though he did get the last laugh though - cos he was able to speak to me and say he was so pleased I was there, and in fact was worried for me sitting up with him all through the night in the hospital, so they still manage to be buggers right to the end too!).

Natsel84 · 18/12/2020 01:28

Im so sorry op. My dad died in October of covid... he caught it in hospital. Last time I saw him was weeks before he died. Nothing anyone can say will take your pain away but just know your not alone.

veeeeh · 18/12/2020 01:33

Was in the exact same situation as you at this time of year also. My deepest sympathy, it is awful. I don't know the back story, but it doesn't matter, it is real, and it is raw..

Didkdt · 18/12/2020 01:34

I’m so sorry Sad Flowers
COVID is a bastard for everyone but it’s particularly cruel to those living in care homes

LunaNorth · 18/12/2020 01:45

I’m sorry, LEM.

My mum died in July, under similar circumstances. She was an interesting one, too.

Be very kind to yourself in the coming months. Losing your mum hits you on a primal level, I think.

Flowers for you.

SunnyChange · 18/12/2020 01:48

I'm sorry to hear that @TheoriginalLEM

It's important to remember the good stuff, the laughter and your favourite memories to keep close.

You will never get over it, nobody ever tells you that. It will always feel a little surreal but it will get easier to carry on and accept it.

Take time for yourself and surround yourself with loved ones when needed Flowers

Inkpaperstars · 18/12/2020 01:50

I am so sorry Lem Flowers

Diva66 · 18/12/2020 01:57

So sorry for your loss, expected or not it hurts. Flowers

Dancingtomusic · 18/12/2020 01:57

Lem so sorry to hear your mum has passed away Flowers. (hug.)
I hope you are ok.

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 18/12/2020 02:02

I am so sorry Lem. I too remember some of your previous posts, and how hard it has been for you. You always did the best for her, sometimes at great mental expense to yourself.

Sending FlowersWineCake and a big unmumsnetty hug. Take care of yourself.

Charley1984 · 18/12/2020 02:13

I’m so sorry for your loss Flowers

Freyaismyname · 18/12/2020 02:37

Thanks sorry for your loss op

SimplySusanna · 18/12/2020 02:44

I will feel like that for a while op, the disbelief. When my dad died I couldn't quite get my head around it...even in the hospital after he'd died, I kept expecting him to sit up in front of us and it had all been a mistake.

I'm so sorry...take care and be kind to yourself Flowers

partofyoupoursoutofme · 18/12/2020 02:47

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

caringcarer · 18/12/2020 02:52

Loosing your Mum is one of the hardest things you can live through. It feels like your heart is breaking. It must be harder for you because you could not see your Mum. Do you have any siblings who will share your loss? It would be good to comfort each other. I am do sorry you have this huge loss just before Xmas but really there is no good time to lose your Mum. I hope your family are supporting you. I hope you cope through her funeral. Take care and don't be afraid to cry as nf ask your family to comfort you.

Peridot1 · 18/12/2020 03:14

I am sorry LEM. I have read some of your previous posts about your mum and I know she was difficult.

You will feel so many emotions. Sadness, guilt, relief, anger, guilt about the relief. It’s all normal. And it will hurt. No matter how difficult she was she was your mum. Flowers

Lougle · 18/12/2020 03:28

Oh @TheoriginalLEM I'm so sorry. It's ok to feel conflicting emotions, you know. They'll yo-yo back and forth for a while. You tried so hard with your Mum and it was so difficult. It's exhausted you and you're going to feel sad and hurt and relieved and crushed.

Your Mum needed so much care and attention. You did her proud. You got her the care she needed against all the barriers she put up. Be kind to yourself FlowersBrew

MinnieJackson · 18/12/2020 03:42

I'm so so sorry Flowers

Dontjudgeme101 · 18/12/2020 03:42

So sorry for your loss. x

Brot64 · 18/12/2020 03:44

So sorry for your loss.