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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mum died

117 replies

TheoriginalLEM · 18/12/2020 00:37

She was in a nursing home

Ivr seen her once in the past two months due to bastard COVID

It wasnt expected but it was iyswim

I cant believe shes gone

OP posts:
Tinkerbell456 · 18/12/2020 03:54

Truly sorry original. This must be so hard with COVID as well as so near to Christmas. Not that it would ever be easy.

Bookworming · 18/12/2020 03:55

I'm sorry OP, she's at peace. My sister died and she had many demons. I liked this verse for her funeral.

May your spirit soar in freedom
From the fears that gripped so tight.
May you find the peace you searched for
As you wandered, lost, in the night.

May your tortured mind be clear and calm
And your tender heart be warm.
May you have no need for strength now.
May there ne'er be another storm.

May the music of the angels
Be the sweet sounds that you hear.
As you're rocked in Heaven's cradle
May you ne'er shed another tear.

I'll wear your memory proudly,
My only sister ...my true friend.
May my love for you reach Heaven above
Until we meet again.

Bookworming · 18/12/2020 03:56

Sorry for your loss Thanks

Eliards2012 · 18/12/2020 04:00

I’m so sorry ... be kind to yourself xx

Original poster
TheoriginalLEM · 18/12/2020 04:10

Thankyou for your kind words, it feels so unreal.

Yes my mum was an absolute demon but i say that with some affection. Me and DD1 call her 'nana' after Catherine Tate. She was a force to be reckoned with at 4 foot nothing and probably about six stone. When she was at home her carers would have kittens because we always left her back door ajar to let the cat in. What if someone breaks in? Then i wish them luck id say Grin she kept a hammer under her bed and wouldn't hesitate to batter someone with it!!

Despite how vitriolic she could be, her carers loved her and the folk st the carehome loved her too, they said despite her feistiness she always had a cheeky grin.

I have many many fond memories that transcend the difficulties of the past few years.

Her life had become torment and i am relieved she is no longer being tortured.

I am sorry for those who have also suffered loses this year, 2020 has been cruel. Covid robbed me of the chance to be there for my mum when she needed me the most but i will always regret not having more patience with her. I loved her so very much

OP posts:
Original poster
TheoriginalLEM · 18/12/2020 04:12

That verse is perfect , thankyou Flowers

OP posts:
readingismycardio · 18/12/2020 04:31

I am so sorry for your loss. Please be kind and have patience with yourself. Sending love and good thoughts your wayThanks

MrDarcyismines · 18/12/2020 04:34

Big hugs. Flowers

UnionistMum · 18/12/2020 04:38

My condolences.
I’ve just had a call from my mum who needed a favour. Definitely feel like a need to appreciate her more after reading this. She is appreciated and loved and an amazing grandmother to my toddler who loves her but I feel like I need to dedicate a bit more time to her. I know that when/ if that day comes I will be heartbroken.
Flowers

Londonnight · 18/12/2020 04:44

I am so sorry about the loss of your mum. This must be so hard. It is all going to be very raw at the moment. Be kind to yourself and lean on others to get you through this xx

TanteRose · 18/12/2020 04:45

So sorry to hear this, many condolences @TheoriginalLEM Flowers

Rangoon · 18/12/2020 05:25

So sorry. i lost my mum around Xmas time 3 years ago and typing that I can't believe it is that long ago. She used to prune my roses and I kind of let them grow unchecked when she became too frail to do it. This year my oldest son stepped up to do the pruning. i like to think she would have been proud of him as they were very close.

veeeeh · 18/12/2020 05:36

I am in tears here, sorry OP but some posts resonate and my deepest.sympathy to you.. There. Is light. And it will come eventually.

PurpleFlower1983 · 18/12/2020 05:41

Sorry for your loss Flowers

Sweetener12 · 18/12/2020 05:43

I'm so sorry, OP. Hugs.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/12/2020 06:07

Don’t beat yourself up for not having more patience, LEM. Whenever I have read your posts, you come across as a compassionate and understanding person. I did a quick search as I have missed your threads on your mum’s deteriorating condition and surgery. Your mum was on the planet for a long time. I’m sure she knew how much you loved her. You didn’t walk away, you sat patiently with her all the way through. Flowers

Minimamame · 18/12/2020 06:10

I’m so sorry for your loss. My mam died in March (fucking cancer). I still can’t believe she’s gone. Thinking of you. X

MarthasGinYard · 18/12/2020 06:10

LEM

I'm so sorry Thanks

TidyDancer · 18/12/2020 06:15

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thanks

SomeoneInTheLaaaaaounge · 18/12/2020 07:13

Sorry OP. She is free now.

MoonlightMedicine · 18/12/2020 07:21

I'm so sorry LEM. I went through this with my mum in 2019 (minus the covid restrictions of course) abs then my dad died suddenly in March this year. I know how you're feeling. Just allow yourself to process it all, it will feel unreal for a good while. Thanks

JillofTrades · 18/12/2020 07:26

Hi op. I have read many threads about the struggles you had with her. Sorry for your loss. Flowers

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 18/12/2020 07:30

Sorry for your loss Flowers

Give your self time to process what has happened. Even an anticipated death is a shock when it actually happens.

Skipsurvey · 18/12/2020 07:37

she is in a better place now @TheoriginalLEM Thanks

frumpety · 18/12/2020 07:41

I remember some of your previous post's about your 'interesting' Mum. I am so glad you managed to get her somewhere safe, regardless of her demon ways , you have always tried your very best and obviously loved the mad bones of her Flowers