Working part-time to be with the kids, versus full time and having a career

DressesWithPockets · 2020-12-17T15:25:17+00:00

My youngest child starts school next year. Since having kids I've worked part-time and while I enjoy my job my career has very much taken a back seat. Now I'm wondering whether to go back to full-time to help re-establish my career. I'm early 40s now so it feels a bit now-or-never. I'm curious to hear from those who have experience of the primary school and teenage years as to what you feel the relevant benefits and disadvantages are of working part-time and full-time with kids. On the one hand, I want to be around for my kids. On the other, I don't want to look back in 10 years time and wish I'd done more career-wise. NB My husband intends to work flexibly once the little one is at school so that he can do the drop offs and pick ups two days a week.

alwayslearning789 · 17/12/2020 15:30

I'm on the other side of this and I am early 40's too and therefore facing the same career timeline issues.

The kids will grow up and lead their own lives.

You'll still be there where they left you.

Go back to work so that when they spread their wings you will be able to too:)

Curiosity101 · 17/12/2020 15:32

I've not quite got that far as DS is only 15months old. However I returned to work full time after maternity leave and plan to stay full time. The way me and DH will handle it is with wrap around care. DS is with a childminder full time at the moment who will do drop off and pick ups for us once he's school aged. We both work 8.30-4.30 and when we weren't WFH would get home around 5.15pm. it does mean that we'll miss 1 1/4 hours of family time every evening during the week, but it felt like the right decision for us at the moment to allow us both to keep working on our careers.

I guess time will tell as to whether we stick with that. We're also both hoping to drop to 4 days a week at some point so we can be home for DS and additional 2 days per week. That'll not be for a few years yet though so DS will definitely have started school by that point.

alwayslearning789 · 17/12/2020 15:35

I see you work Part-Time already and so topping up Pension contributions is a major benefit.

Looking at if from a balanced point of view, childcare is a major con, so make sure that the provision you find meets your expectations and standards.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 17/12/2020 15:37

I have DS in Year 3. I'm part time 28 hours. DS goes to breakfast club in the morning and I finish at 2.30 so I'm there for all pick ups.

I'm happy with this for now, I feel like it's a good balance. I do want to go full time when he's at secondary school.

Original poster

DressesWithPockets · 17/12/2020 15:37

@alwayslearning789

I'm on the other side of this and I am early 40's too and therefore facing the same career timeline issues.

The kids will grow up and lead their own lives.

You'll still be there where they left you.

Go back to work so that when they spread their wings you will be able to too:)

Thanks. This is a really good way of putting it.

What do you mean by childcare is a major con though?

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Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 17/12/2020 15:37

I am going the opposite way! DS started reception in September and I have found it so much harder to juggle than when he was at nursery. Nursery was so simple, one place open 8-6 51 weeks a year. No homework and all meals provided so I only had to provide a slice of toast and a piece of fruit before bed. Now we have reading, maths worksheets and phonics to do every afternoon. And I have to cook a full meal every day.

Childcare would need to be a miss mash of breakfast club, after school club and holiday clubs.

So I intend to hand in my notice at work shortly, I will look for very part time jobs but will be happy being a SAHP for a while. Have found the transition much harder than I imagined and don't feel I am really providing sufficient support to DS' education right now.

Jellycatspyjamas · 17/12/2020 15:38

The only thing with working full time is I find the kids need more of me now they’re at school, in different ways. I work part time and have really been swithering about going full time. The things that put me off are being available if one of the kids are sick, then always being at breakfast club/after care, being able to go to things like school shows it open days, and having time for them during the holidays. I find it much harder to juggle everything in school than I did when my youngest was in nursery.

In saying that, my career is very well established so I don’t feel that pressure, I might be more inclined to full time work if that wasn’t the case.

alwayslearning789 · 17/12/2020 15:39

Major con.. I meant Pro's versus Con's

It is a major consideration is what I meant to say

Dozer · 17/12/2020 15:40

I stayed PT for most of the primary years, working every day, 30 hours or so. FT now. It worked well homewise and v badly workwise! Was given crap projects etc for years. Also not good pension wise.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 17/12/2020 15:40

To me in depends alot on specifics. There's no way I'd work in my previous demanding career with kids as I'd rarely seem them during the week and at the weekend I'd be exhausted. I'm lucky in that I have the option for a meaningful part time career. I'm not progressing as fast as I would full time but I'm in an interesting area and using my skills so it's the best compromise. Once the kids are in school I'd hate to not work at all or work in a menial job unrelated to my interests so I'd probably go full time if that was the only option and it wasn't too intense time wise.

Original poster

DressesWithPockets · 17/12/2020 15:42

@Waxonwaxoff0

I have DS in Year 3. I'm part time 28 hours. DS goes to breakfast club in the morning and I finish at 2.30 so I'm there for all pick ups.

I'm happy with this for now, I feel like it's a good balance. I do want to go full time when he's at secondary school.

Thanks. Yes, being there for the pick-ups feels important at this stage, and probably till the little one is in year 4 or so. But after that I'm not sure to what degree (or in what ways) it's still important to be around after school for your kids.

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AmICrazyorWhat2 · 17/12/2020 15:43

I’m self-employed and only have one main client atm so I’m part-time.

The main downside from a family perspective is they always expect you to pick up the slack regardless of what you’re doing. So, you could be in the midst of a major project, but because you’re the “part-timer”, you’re the one doing school runs, sports drop-offs, etc. I’ve found my DH has to be asked to help out.😂

Obviously that’s only one perspective, there’s many benefits too in terms of flexibility, but be warned! I’m hoping to expand my business or go back full-time with another organization next year...things will change around here.🤣

Original poster

DressesWithPockets · 17/12/2020 15:46

@Jellycatspyjamas

The only thing with working full time is I find the kids need more of me now they’re at school, in different ways. I work part time and have really been swithering about going full time. The things that put me off are being available if one of the kids are sick, then always being at breakfast club/after care, being able to go to things like school shows it open days, and having time for them during the holidays. I find it much harder to juggle everything in school than I did when my youngest was in nursery.

In saying that, my career is very well established so I don’t feel that pressure, I might be more inclined to full time work if that wasn’t the case.

Thanks, these are all good points. I'm finding it harder to juggle everything now the oldest one is in school, definitely.

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AmICrazyorWhat2 · 17/12/2020 15:49

Re. Needing to be around for the children as they get older. I’ve had some of the most enlightening conversations with my two (15 & 12) in the car on the way to or from school and activities. They don’t feel put on the spot and sometimes something will have worried them that day and they’re glad to tell you once they’re in the car. It also happens when I walk the dog with one of them.

So whatever you decide, I’d recommend factoring in some “alone time” like that when as they get older.

Original poster

DressesWithPockets · 17/12/2020 15:51

@AmICrazyorWhat2

Re. Needing to be around for the children as they get older. I’ve had some of the most enlightening conversations with my two (15 & 12) in the car on the way to or from school and activities. They don’t feel put on the spot and sometimes something will have worried them that day and they’re glad to tell you once they’re in the car. It also happens when I walk the dog with one of them.

So whatever you decide, I’d recommend factoring in some “alone time” like that when as they get older.

Thanks. This is the kind of thing I'm thinking of really. I love my chats with my older one on the way to school - he tells me loads that he might not mention if I said 'So what did you do at school today' at the dinner table, for example. And I can imagine this sort of thing only getting more important as they get older.

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Jellycatspyjamas · 17/12/2020 15:51

But after that I'm not sure to what degree (or in what ways) it's still important to be around after school for your kids.

My kids are in aftercare 3 days a week, I do pick ups the other two days. It gives me time to spend with them without needing to get through homework, making dinner etc and can relax with them a bit. It also gives space for after school activities, play dates, and tutoring. Knowing how busy the other three evenings are, I’m glad I have two more relaxed days with them each week.

It also means I have two days when I can do things like hair cuts, opticians and dentist appointments and health appointments without worrying about needing time off work or trying to fit it all in at the weekend (and some of the appointments can’t happen at the weekend of course).

alwayslearning789 · 17/12/2020 15:55

"But after that I'm not sure to what degree (or in what ways) it's still important to be around after school for your kids."

Really good point and important for you to be considering at this stage.

I was a single working parent in a career type job so didn't have a choice with regards to Full/Part time work but I got round this by making sure there was a Very Good Childminder in place for the pickups...so it was almost like 'home from home' for the child. I would then pick-up after work and do the Homework, Dinner thing as per usual. I was lucky to finish work at 5ish.

I still did the school drop off in the morning, so that was helpful in terms of 'keeping close' to the child's Primary School world and also the Secondary Teen angst years.

I still miss the early morning school run!

trilbydoll · 17/12/2020 15:56

I'd stay part time for the first year or so, on my full days we pick dc up from after school club at 5.30ish and dd2 (Y1) is so exhausted she needs tea and bed straight away, punctuated with a few tantrums. I'm not bothered about that because I do 2 shorter days and pick them up from school but if every weekday was like that it would get a bit depressing! Y3 dd1 on the other hand is fine, she's just got that bit more stamina.

museumum · 17/12/2020 15:57

I have a career but I only work about 30 hours a week. I pick up from school on Thursdays and Fridays and use afterschool club the other three days. DC loves afterschool club.

I would be happy to work full time but not over 40hrs/week and also I wouldn't want to commute on top of that.

I don't think it's the big Either/Or that you make out, there is a balance point in the middle.

Moo678 · 17/12/2020 15:58

Is it really either or? I have 3 kids 11, 9 and 2. Up until the 2 yr old was born I worked full time. Now I work 4 days a week, husband does 3 and we do two days a week in after school club/nursery. We are lucky that nursery run the after school club and school bus goes at 8 so we don’t need morning child care.

The two days when we are both at work are really hard. I dread them as we’re all so tired and hungry by the time we get home. I couldn’t imagine working like that 5 days a week.

My career is going very well on 4 days a week. It’s tough juggling things but I manage. There’s no way I will go back to full time when kids leave home - I’ll enjoy the day off doing my hobbies or catching up on ten years of missed sleep. I guess it depends on your field (I’m a doctor) but I know plenty of woman and the odd man who manage to have successful careers with part time hours.

Moo678 · 17/12/2020 15:59

@museumum cross post - totally agree and wanted to add my kids love nursery / after school too.

Original poster

DressesWithPockets · 17/12/2020 16:04

Museumum and Moo678 - thanks. I know it's not really either/or, I just wrote it like that to keep my question simple. My ideal (I think) would be to work four days, and I hope that in the right kind of organisation I could find a decent 'career' job which would keep me interested and motivated on 4 days a week.

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Chimeraforce · 17/12/2020 16:05

If you have a career you love, don't leave for P. T elsewhere. If you can go P. T in your current career then try that.
I never had a career, just a series of dull jobs. I was a sahm for 5 years and have worked P. T ever since. My child was fine in primary, but physical problems requiring her surgery and now emotional problems mean I'm unlikely to ever get onto any full-time role.
I've saved in childcare and didn't have a career to save anyway.
Your husband sounds supportive which is great, good luck x x x

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 17/12/2020 16:08

@Moo678’s set up sounds great! I know my DH would love to work three days a week, but it’s not an option ( right now at least) in his field.

If we worked three and four days, my one stipulation would be that my day off wasn’t one of his...I’d enjoy the peace.🤣

Comfortzone · 17/12/2020 16:13

Same situation and also wondering what to do No advice I'm afraid