Working part-time to be with the kids, versus full time and having a career

[DressesWithPockets]

My youngest child starts school next year. Since having kids I've worked part-time and while I enjoy my job my career has very much taken a back seat. Now I'm wondering whether to go back to full-time to help re-establish my career. I'm early 40s now so it feels a bit now-or-never.

I'm curious to hear from those who have experience of the primary school and teenage years as to what you feel the relevant benefits and disadvantages are of working part-time and full-time with kids.

On the one hand, I want to be around for my kids. On the other, I don't want to look back in 10 years time and wish I'd done more career-wise.

NB My husband intends to work flexibly once the little one is at school so that he can do the drop offs and pick ups two days a week.

I feel very fortunate. I work from home full time, and with some flexibility. I've done this since my younger son was 1/2 way through Primary and my older son was nearing the end of Secondary.

It means I have been able to go to school events, and am present in the late afternoon/evening (even though I'm sitting in my office in the garden).

I (obviously) have no commute. I have used childcare as well (in the Primary years and during school holidays), but over all it works out very well.

I am a single parent.

I worked FT until ds was 9 (other than about a year working 4 days a week when he was very small). I've worked part-time ever since.

I think the good thing about home-working is that it's easier to squeeze more hours into a school day. For example, I paid for breakfast club and ds started there at 8, I walked him there and started work around 8.15. I then worked until 3pm when I collected him. If you can do something like that it works really well. It's less easy when you have to factor in a long commute though.

I agree that kids need you more as they get older, not less.

I agree that kids need you more as they get older, not less.

This is exactly what I'm beginning to realise.

My dcs are teens now and I was part time.

If I had to do it again, I would chose to full work full time. No hesitation.
Several reasons for that

• Part time p, you are assumed to be as available for the dcs as if you were a SAHM. That’s true for school, DH and the rest of the world. It is also assumed that your needs (eg for a fulfilling hobby or training or whatever) will always come second because you have so much on your hands for yourself already....

• Some how loss pf ‘power’ n the relationship. This certainly should NOT be like this. But the reality is that, subconsciously, both me and him sort of assumed he had the last word in many things. And esp finances.

• loss of financial independence. See above. This has some effect on relationhsip Ime.

• you end up living more for others than for yourself. What happens when the people who ‘depended’ on you leave?

• Lack of a sense of fulfilment. It’s pretty hard if not impossible to start all over again at 50+yo

• pension. (We didn’t plan for that so now I basically have no private pension at all. Cue for feelings of financial insecurity in old age)

Now if I’m honest there are some pros. Basically you are there for your dcs whenever they need you. It could be struggles at school, anxiety, being ill whatever. I’ve had quite a bit of that and being able to support them when they needed it was great.
It doesn’t balance with the Cons, at least not for me.

Following with interest as I'm a sahm to 3 boys..good to read other's views as it's an issue I'll be facing soon too x

My eldest is in year 6 and I work part-time until 3 each day so can do all the school pick ups, but I do sometimes finish a bit of work off in the evenings at home.

Once they get to high school there’s no after school childcare and I wouldn’t want mine home alone until I got back from work if I could avoid it. I think they need a lot more emotional support at that age.

I don’t think it has to be either or, but I do think you can probably only go so far without working full time in most careers I.e if you want to be a senior manager that would probably be ok, but director level you’d probably struggle.

I agree that kids need you more as they get older, not less

Hmm... I’m not sure that has been my experience.
My dcs needed me a lot in primary. Multiple after school activities. The b’day parties. Support with school (one of mine really struggled for various reasons) etc...
As they became teenagers and were in secondary, they needed me much less. Even less so from GCSE years onwards.

TonMoulin thanks, this is a brilliant breakdown of the pros and cons. The money/power thing is interesting. At the moment my husband earns more than me but we each retain equal amounts of personal spending money and he NEVER makes me feel bad about the fact I bring in less. (Which is partly I have to admit due to bad decision making on my part.) That said, we've only been in this situation for a few years, and I can see how things might change another 5, 10 years down the line...

if you want to be a senior manager that would probably be ok, but director level you’d probably struggle.

How do men manage to hold on those jobs then??

I don't know! I have worked 2 days, 3 days, 4 days and full-time. For me 3 was the worst for some reason, you're not quite committed to either.

My oldest is at university and youngest in final year of primary so you'd think I'd have worked it out by now. I do miss a proper career and feel I've sidelined myself even though each decision felt right at the time.

What might work if you're organised, have the energy and support, and can be done in your field is starting really early so hours 7-3 or similar. You'll still be there at pickup, can do play dates, drive to activities etc. But it will be really full on because you'll be doing all the running for a few years.

How many hours do you work now?

I am a single mum so no choice but to work FT. Seductive though it sounds I would be careful of working PT: it’s very limiting and will make it much harder to progress as and when you do want to step things up. And really important not to give up financial autonomy.

@TonMoulin. Yep, you certainly need to remind your OH occasionally just how much you DO bring to the household. My current salary is less than DH’s but it’s not insignificant...I reminded him last week just how many bills it pays! You definitely need to hold your own in this situation and have a plan going forward.

I’m lucky in that I still work in the same profession so moving back to full-time won’t be a huge leap, IYSWIM. I’m up-to-date with the latest practices, regulations, software, etc. Definitely something to consider when you look at p-t options.

@TonMoulin

if you want to be a senior manager that would probably be ok, but director level you’d probably struggle.

How do men manage to hold on those jobs then??

They tend to work full time!

@DressesWithPockets, what working part time removes is the ability to say ‘fuck you. I don’t need you to stand up on my own two feet an i can leave tomorrow if I want to’

Now I’m not saying that anyone should say that. But there is that underlying knowledge that when things get tough, the situation is different for someone who can just leave vs someone who knows they will struggle financially.
I can’t say I’ve ever felt that when things were going well. It’s when things are getting harder, for one reason or the other, that you can feel the imbalance. It’s certain within that is stopping many women to tell their DH to get stuffed (just read posts on relationship)

I worked part time until youngest was in reception and then went full time. DH has always WFH. I always feel guilty that nothing is ever quite enough. DH will hang out a wash when making a lunch for instance, but a large part of our weekend is always spent catching up with cleaning and so on. In an ideal world, I’d have one day off a week to do the chores. The time when they are young us precious and can’t ever be replaced.

Ton Moulin what working part time removes is the ability to say ‘fuck you. I don’t need you to stand up on my own two feet an i can leave tomorrow if I want to’

very good point. Interestingly my husband is also currently part-time so neither of us can leave!

@Avocadotoastie

How many hours do you work now?

2.5 days. I'll definitely be looking to up my hours once the little one starts school, just not sure by how many. If I was willing to do full-time there would be so many more options.

I'm mid 40s and out the other end both my kids are now adults. I have also raised them as a single parent so have had endless childcare career juggling .I found a niche early on am good at what I do ,worked smart,and really hard at work and always left in time.
I lived really close to work so no commute, used childminder when young and then a lovely woman in my home when the kids needed someone in the house but not so much minding.
I have generally worked 3/4 time to 4/5 you can do as much in 4 days and that gives you a breather on the 5th day.
My kids have always known me work and are fine with it, I would say proud . You can have a career and kids it really is possible.

I’ve worked part time since the kids were babies working full time during their teens to improve my career prospects. Ft was grim whilst they were teens and needed emotional support/an opportunity to offload. Now gone back to part time and they are at uni and it’s a good balance to allow me to pursue hobbies on my days off.

I'm v lucky and have a 'big job' but I negotiated short days so I can do school pickup. In the post covid wfh world I think many more places would consider something like this. Mine was certainly advertised full time. Also I used a recruitment agency so they're great for negotiating.

In the post covid wfh world I think many more places would consider something like this. Mine was certainly advertised full time.

I hope so. I'm hoping I can apply for f/t roles and they would be willing to consider 4 days...

I'm really finding school days works as the only allowance needed is no late meetings. It's an easy pattern for everyone else to remember and the kids don't even notice I have a job!

Many would consider 30 hours or more to be full time. 4 full days or 5 shorter days is a good balance.

2.5 days is very part time. There's a big difference between 0.5 and 0.7-0.9 in terms of what you're weighing up as pros and cons, and whether aiming to be 1.0 is even necessary to advance a career.

Avocadotoastie - thanks. I think I'd ideally like 0.7 or 0.8, with hubby doing 0.8 or 0.9 (which is his plan).