Working part-time to be with the kids, versus full time and having a career

[DressesWithPockets]

My youngest child starts school next year. Since having kids I've worked part-time and while I enjoy my job my career has very much taken a back seat. Now I'm wondering whether to go back to full-time to help re-establish my career. I'm early 40s now so it feels a bit now-or-never.

I'm curious to hear from those who have experience of the primary school and teenage years as to what you feel the relevant benefits and disadvantages are of working part-time and full-time with kids.

On the one hand, I want to be around for my kids. On the other, I don't want to look back in 10 years time and wish I'd done more career-wise.

NB My husband intends to work flexibly once the little one is at school so that he can do the drop offs and pick ups two days a week.

I feel it’s more important to be around when the children are teenage. It’s easier to outsource the childcare / cooking of fishfingers/ bathtime / simple homework to someone else when they’re little than dealing with starting periods / navigating tiktok etc.

I work 3 days a week, sometimes 4. My kids are older primary aged and I could now see myself doing 4 days but not 5 as I would struggle with home stuff if I didn't have one day off. DH does most of our school runs as he is P/T self employed. If I do the school run, I do it mainly for myself given that DH is around. My kids often moan that they don't go to after school club!

A sadly cynical point of view but having gone back to work full time when mine was 6months old and worked into a management role then when my ex turned into an arsehole I didn’t have to think about whether I could afford to kick him out or live on my own and support myself. When he decided not to pay child support it was pretty crappy of him, but it didn’t leave me unable to pay the bills.
I’d never advise anyone to be financially dependent as it removes so many choices from you. Time and again you hear of husbands cheating or being abusive and the question isn’t ‘how fast can I leave’. It’s ‘how can I leave’.
The longer you are out of work or are on a half time basis the harder it is to forge a successful career of your own.

My youngest isn’t at school yet but I have two in school. I work part time and like the balance.

My careeer has peaked/plateaued. But I am nhs clinical. There isn’t anywhere else for me to go in terms of pay rises unless I have a radical career change. Working more hours in a physical role will just wear my body out and prob see me retiring earlier. So for me it doesn’t really make a lot of sense to go full time. There is also the tax to think about. Full time means paying full whack tax on the extra days so it is less of a financial incentive.

Yes there is less pension but I plan to put additional pension is as I can afford to do that’s less of an issue for me.

I feel I need some days off to be there for the school run, the extracurricular activities and homework that comes with primary school life. The days I am working are very long for myself and the kids. It’s banging on the door at breakfast clubs and last out at after school club and a rubbish quick tea. Wouldn’t want them to do that 5 days a week.

As someone who grew up with with 2 full time working parents and my husband had his mum at home we met in the middle and I work part time term time. I hated growing up by myself, my parents worked all they could to make our life better but I hardly ever saw them, and I'm talking about as an 9 year old upwards. My husbands mum stayed at home when he was growing up but he never say his dad as he worked so much more to cover for her not earning. By me working part time term time, I'm there when the kids are not in school but by bring some money in it doesn't all fall to my husband so he doesn't have to work overtime/weekends to pay the bills. Once my youngest is in High school I can start to increase my hours back up. I'm mid 40's now so may not get much higher on the career ladder but I'm happy to be balanced in the middle between career and family

I worked PT until both kids were at primary, then went FT - my pension was a major consideration, as was wanting to change career and do well at it. I have a family friendly employer and it's only really the summer holidays that are difficult/expensive for childcare.

Just a point on the importance of financial independence.

It’s not just about if your relationship breaks down, I am now the sole earner after my DH because too ill to work. We would have really struggled on a part time wage.

Worst case scenario but shit happens

I've always worked full time (5 days, 45 hours plus commute time) since both DC were 3 month old.

I dont feel I have a career, whatever that means, because its not exactly a professional field, but I have a fairly well paid job, allowing me to save up for school and pensions.

I agree with PPs who say DC need you more emotionally as they are older, whereas when younger their needs are 100% physical and could be met by any caregiver. Not necessarily in terms of hours at home, but it's far easier to be around more so you are accessible for a tween or teen for those few moments.

I cant really go part time with my current job and I'm thinking of a career change or switching to a more technical role, also FT but without management responsibilities (less stress but also less money which I'm unsure about since my industry is very 'young' and insecure) I'm also early 40s and thinking I need to take it down a notch if I were to work for another 20 years.

But im early 40s and no clue about throwing away years I've built up. What do all the PT mums do that allows that flexibility and pays decently? I'm really curious.

Also I dont want to put the sole breadwinner stress on DH. I cant imagine if it were reversed and DH announced to me hes going PT.

I agree that financial independence is really, really important. Life doesnt always go the way we plan.

Could you/your partner permanently work some days from home with the flexibility to pick up from school, as opposed to taking a lunch hour?

Please think about your future and your financial independence.

I spent many years with my XDH where he was a high earner and bordering on financially abusive, I couldnt work due to DS'S needs and his unwillingness to be flexible. Then he left and left me in the shit, so I have had to pull myself up again to a position where I am okay financially and not awake at night worrying how I would pay the mortgage.

If I did it all over I would fight harder for my own independence, rather than having it forced upon me like this. Its worked out okay but it could have been so different.

Grew up with a mum very full on FT role and a generally absent father. I hated it and as the oldest lots of the care of younger siblings fell to me.
Was always trying to talk to my mum about school and friendship issues while she was cooking, as a teenager (PP is right). She'd rush in and be cooking in her coat and shoes after work.
I've got just one DD and don't plan on having any more. Have worked full time since she was born (now mid primary) and I'm going to go down to 3 days as I'd like more balance.
I hate being exhausted from the week then trying to clean/cool/catch up the rest of the time and inevitably not give her the time she needs to talk or just to spend time together. It's like I'm always having to juggle my needs, the needs of the whole family, and her needs. Hoping that days off during the week mean that I can get cleaning/admin and some me time done in the week so weekends are just family time.