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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that family have cancelled Christmas plans

92 replies

RobynNora · 16/12/2020 22:06

I can’t work out if I’m being irrationally upset that my family have cancelled our Christmas plans in Cardiff because it’s ‘too risky’. My mother thinks I’m ‘being hormonal’ and need to ‘get a grip’ because I’m overreacting. But my partner thinks this is typical behaviour from my parents and isn’t surprised. I don’t usually feel as upset as this.

Usually I wouldn’t be too bothered about Christmas but I have an 8-week old baby who they haven’t met yet. We had planned to see them in Wales to introduce them to their first grandchild on Christmas Day while the rules permit. They probably won’t get to meet him for ages now due to post Christmas lockdown. I’m not actually that bothered about the day itself but just feel incredibly sad for my family and especially the baby that his grandparents won’t move mountains to see him like my friends’ parents.

We’ve been self isolating for Christmas to be safe, but I think in many ways we are much more cautious than them anyway. My dad is 66 and my mum has asthma. I do understand their anxiety but feel cross that my dad has gone to work while mum has done some Christmas shopping at the shops (rather than online). So I feel really hurt they don’t want to see us. Maybe I’m being unreasonable?

OP posts:
pepsicolagirl · 16/12/2020 22:09

In fairness your baby is oblivious and your family are demonstrating a LOT of common sense here.

triceratops12 · 16/12/2020 22:11

I'd be upset as well OP. Just try and enjoy the day as a family unit

CherryPavlova · 16/12/2020 22:11

I don’t blame your parents. It’s sad but the baby won’t know and they’ll be time when levels aren’t so high.

HopeAndDriftWood · 16/12/2020 22:12

I’m with pepsi. I am really sorry, but your baby won’t remember, and your parents and your baby are higher risk - and things are bad. The ambulances queuing to get into hospitals in Wales today seems to have hit a lot of people hard. They’re being very sensible... but I’m sorry that you’re disappointed, and that your baby won’t get to meet their grandparents yet Flowers

Ameliablue · 16/12/2020 22:13

Could they not want to risk bringing illness into a house with a new baby.

jerometheturnipking · 16/12/2020 22:15

Your parents are being sensible, though you’re not unreasonable to be upset about the change of plan given how the year has been.

Your baby will be oblivious, and you can’t really hold going to work and the shops against your parents.

Imissmoominmama · 16/12/2020 22:16

They could be trying to protect your baby. You said yourself that your dad is still working.

AIMD · 16/12/2020 22:16

I understand why you feel upset but if they see the baby or not is unlikely to have a big impact on the baby.

Sounds like you are disappointed and were looking forward to introducing your new baby, which is totally understandable.

Have they been desperate to meet the baby too?

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 16/12/2020 22:16

The rates for Cardiff are nearing 700 per 100,000 and local hospitals are massively short staffed because so many are isolating.

I think your parents are being very sensible.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 16/12/2020 22:16

Could it be that they are genuinely worried about passing the virus on to their baby grandson? I think it’s harsh to judge people’s decision making at the moment given the level of fear and concern. Are they otherwise interested in him, keen to see photos etc?

PurpleDaisies · 16/12/2020 22:16

Have you seen the covid rates in Wales at the moment?

PimlicoJo · 16/12/2020 22:17

I can see why you're upset. If I felt able to go to the shops I'd feel able to see my new grandchild. It would be a huge priority. But Covid is making people make different decisions, especially now when it feels the threat is greater again. Things will change OP, but I know it's tough now.

Toilenstripes · 16/12/2020 22:17

From the way you’ve written your post it seems like you have romanticised them meeting “their first grandchild on Christmas Day” and although I get that, it doesn’t trump the need for safety. There’s still too much covid around and South Wales is particularly bad right now.

RevIMJolly · 16/12/2020 22:18

They are being responsible grandparents. You are hormonal so it’s understandable but YABU

Peasbewithyou · 16/12/2020 22:18

On one hand they are being sensible but at the same time going out and about while you have been isolating especially to see them... unless they are trying to protect your baby I think I would be a bit hurt too.

Original poster
RobynNora · 16/12/2020 22:19

I feel better already for the much needed reality check! You’re right the baby has no idea and we are mid pandemic. A lot of my antenatal friends’ parents have been seeing their grandkids like nothing has happened (breaking rules even) so I think I lost perspective and started to think my parents cared less. I’m happy that I’m probably being unreasonable!

OP posts:
Frankley · 16/12/2020 22:19

Sensible parents

vodkaredbullgirl · 16/12/2020 22:19

I'm with your parents on this 1.

PotteringAlong · 16/12/2020 22:21

I think it’s a sign of how much they love you and your grandchild that they will do whatever it takes to keep you safe, not that they care less.

Tickly · 16/12/2020 22:22

@RobynNora it is so, so difficult having a baby this year. Ours was born in June and whilst GP have seen ds3, they've never cuddled. I find it heartbreaking but they seem ok with it. Better we all get through and can enjoy ourselves together in the future than someone passes on illness. It is hard not to be upset though, I know. Fwiw other GP live overseas and can't leave their country so are unlikely to meet for a other year. There are lots like that out there I know. It's just a really difficult year that our babies are going to be soooo sick of hearing about one day but we will always have to remember.

caringcarer · 16/12/2020 22:23

It is sad for you not to be able to show them your baby but as Covid is so high in Cardiff you know they are being sensible. It is just do desparately miserable this year. At least you have DH and your baby so you are not alone. Do a Skype call with parents.

Siepie · 16/12/2020 22:25

I had a baby in September. All our relatives live abroad, so I have no idea when they’re finally going to meet him. Even though I agree with your parents logically, I know I would be upset in your position too. It’s been a hard year to have a baby.

ThePlantsitter · 16/12/2020 22:25

I'm with your parents too but I also think I would be upset in your shoes. Doesn't have to be one or the other. Flowers

EasterIssland · 16/12/2020 22:34

@PimlicoJo

I can see why you're upset. If I felt able to go to the shops I'd feel able to see my new grandchild. It would be a huge priority. But Covid is making people make different decisions, especially now when it feels the threat is greater again. Things will change OP, but I know it's tough now.
Shops are closing on the 24th for god knows how long in Wales ... i know it’d be an extra day but the fact they’re back in lockdown guess has had an effect on many
CherryPieface · 16/12/2020 22:37

It’s hard, but I think they are doing the right thing. I’m sorry, hope you can still have a lovely time with your new baby.