Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that family have cancelled Christmas plans

92 replies

RobynNora · 16/12/2020 22:06

I can’t work out if I’m being irrationally upset that my family have cancelled our Christmas plans in Cardiff because it’s ‘too risky’. My mother thinks I’m ‘being hormonal’ and need to ‘get a grip’ because I’m overreacting. But my partner thinks this is typical behaviour from my parents and isn’t surprised. I don’t usually feel as upset as this.

Usually I wouldn’t be too bothered about Christmas but I have an 8-week old baby who they haven’t met yet. We had planned to see them in Wales to introduce them to their first grandchild on Christmas Day while the rules permit. They probably won’t get to meet him for ages now due to post Christmas lockdown. I’m not actually that bothered about the day itself but just feel incredibly sad for my family and especially the baby that his grandparents won’t move mountains to see him like my friends’ parents.

We’ve been self isolating for Christmas to be safe, but I think in many ways we are much more cautious than them anyway. My dad is 66 and my mum has asthma. I do understand their anxiety but feel cross that my dad has gone to work while mum has done some Christmas shopping at the shops (rather than online). So I feel really hurt they don’t want to see us. Maybe I’m being unreasonable?

OP posts:
EuphieKat · 17/12/2020 01:37

My parents live next door to me (in Wales) and we can’t even see them when the. Re rules in Wales come in. If you haven’t read through the new Welsh announcement it’s worth doing so, so you can understand their viewpoint. We can only have a ‘bubble’ of two families and from Boxjng day we can’t bubble with anyone at all (unless you are a person who lives alone). Stay safe, everyone- it’s a bit scary around here!

grassisjeweled · 17/12/2020 01:37

Your mother has asthma and you have a newborn?

Stay home

eternalopt · 17/12/2020 02:07

I'm in Cardiff. Stay away. Rates are really high here and people are so sick of Mark drakeford being stricter than boris across the border that they are ignoring the rules, without actually considering that drakeford is doing what he has to because they are being stupid and spreading the virus. People are idiots, which isn't exclusive to Cardiff, but it is more noticeable when the rates are so high !

GrumblyMumblyisnotJumbly · 17/12/2020 02:43

@RobynNora totally reasonable for you to feel sad as the people who brought you up haven't got to meet the person you are bringing up yet. Add in hormones and tiredness and you are entitled to be fed up. Your parents are being sensible though and as someone on here posted often those decisions are harder as it is precisely because you love the person deeply that you stay away.

Enjoy your baby's first Christmas. When its a safer / better time for your parents to meet I'm sure it will be joyous.

mellicauli · 17/12/2020 11:22

You can't seriously expect your Dad not to go to work. And if your Dad went to work, your Mum might as well go shopping.

It's love for you and your baby that's making them stay home. Hold on in there, it won't be long. You'd feel like a right mug if you got it so close to the end and you'd never forgive yourself if your baby got it.

Nowaynothappening · 17/12/2020 11:28

Your parents are being sensible. They will most likely be vaccinated by next Christmas so it won’t be an issue and your baby honestly won’t have a clue what is going on.

Petitmum · 17/12/2020 11:42

Your parents are correct to cancel! I say this as someone living in South Wales, the situation is getting worse by the day. It just isn't worth the risk.

BikeRunSki · 17/12/2020 11:51

DD was born one autumn when both PiL had terrible flu. They live 150 miles away. They didn’t meet dd until she was 5 months old. Their relationship is fine! She’s now 9.

We’re not seeing family at Christmas either.

notalwaysalondoner · 17/12/2020 12:06

I’d be upset. To be honest, I can’t imagine my family doing this. My parents and in laws are late 60s and reasonably chilled about Covid, if they hadn’t met my baby then cancelled Christmas plans I’d be devastated. Everyone has a different perception of risk though. But I’d tell them how hurt you are and try and make a plan for when they will meet your baby - how far away do they live? Would they be willing to go for a walk together or meet in a park at least?

AlternativePerspective · 17/12/2020 12:09

Most people are actually being sensible. The government had said yesterday that where possible people should stick to their own household, it would have been impossible for them to say no mixing without being slated by the press (even though the same press have been calling for exactly that,) so the advice is for people to actually take some personal responsibility.

Wales is in a horrific state at the moment. Clearly the firebreak had no impact what so ever and now things are so bad that they’re going back into lockdown from the 28th.

My personal view is that if a lockdown is announced, people should treat it as if lockdown is in place now even if the date is in the future, because the lockdown is already necessary because of the figures now

People have to go to work, and have to go to the shops. It’s just not always possible to get home delivery, especially at this time of year, and there’s a difference between going out out of necessity and actively choosing to socialise.

LolaSmiles · 17/12/2020 12:13

I've got an older baby who hasn't met most of their family yet. We have also changed our Christmas plans because of the risks.
Yes it is upsetting, but we all decided that the risk for travelling and mixing is high and it's too high to justify for a meeting when the crucial participant in the meeting won't even remember.

namechangetheworld · 17/12/2020 12:24

I'm with your parents on this. They're trying to protect themselves and their grandchild. There will be plenty more Christmases in the future :)

knittingaddict · 17/12/2020 13:30

I think anyone sensible watching the news last night would have made the same decision as your parents op. If the government thought they could get away with it they would have backtracked more on the Christmas rules, but al they can do now is strongly advise. I honestly think the right thing to do would be to reverse their guidelines, but I understand why they won't and why people would be upset if they did.

Their was a health expert from the US on the BBC news a couple of days ago. She said that this is just one Christmas, what about all the Christmases to come with an empty chair at the table because someone has caught covid and died as a result of getting together. I know some will see that as emotional blackmail, but it resonated with me.

Watermelon888 · 17/12/2020 13:39

@RobynNora

I’ve only read your post, not the replies but YANBU on the feeling that they’re not desperate to meet the new baby, but I can understand them cancelling a whole day indoors.

I would have thought they would have come up with an alternative to pop and see you, even in masks, as babies change so much in their first few weeks and you never get those times back.

I completely understand how you feel.

ClaireP20 · 17/12/2020 13:42

Don't feel sad for your baby, they're 8weeks old, they won't care if they don't see anyone. Trust me, stay home, have wine, let the baby sleep rather than travelling in a car. Xx

CounsellorTroi · 17/12/2020 13:46

We are in Cardiff. We had planned to meet up with family on Christmas Day but we are really having second thoughts about it. It's not as if anyone is going to be on their own.

vickyq1983 · 17/12/2020 13:48

I've currently got covid. It's very shit. Stay at home if you can.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page