Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To be upset that family have cancelled Christmas plans

92 replies

RobynNora · 16/12/2020 22:06

I can’t work out if I’m being irrationally upset that my family have cancelled our Christmas plans in Cardiff because it’s ‘too risky’. My mother thinks I’m ‘being hormonal’ and need to ‘get a grip’ because I’m overreacting. But my partner thinks this is typical behaviour from my parents and isn’t surprised. I don’t usually feel as upset as this.

Usually I wouldn’t be too bothered about Christmas but I have an 8-week old baby who they haven’t met yet. We had planned to see them in Wales to introduce them to their first grandchild on Christmas Day while the rules permit. They probably won’t get to meet him for ages now due to post Christmas lockdown. I’m not actually that bothered about the day itself but just feel incredibly sad for my family and especially the baby that his grandparents won’t move mountains to see him like my friends’ parents.

We’ve been self isolating for Christmas to be safe, but I think in many ways we are much more cautious than them anyway. My dad is 66 and my mum has asthma. I do understand their anxiety but feel cross that my dad has gone to work while mum has done some Christmas shopping at the shops (rather than online). So I feel really hurt they don’t want to see us. Maybe I’m being unreasonable?

OP posts:

bluebeck · 16/12/2020 22:38

@LibrariesGiveUsPower45321

The rates for Cardiff are nearing 700 per 100,000 and local hospitals are massively short staffed because so many are isolating.

I think your parents are being very sensible.

Absolutely! YABU but I hope you have a lovely Christmas with your new baby

ShivD · 16/12/2020 22:39

We’ve just decided to cancel our plans to head back to wales with our children for Christmas. I’m sad too @RobynNora

We’re in London so high ish rates but not as high as Wales.

My youngest is 8 months so has at least met everyone during the summer but it makes me sad that she doesn’t really know my mum at all.

notangelinajolie · 16/12/2020 22:41

You have a whole lifetime ahead of you and many more Christmas Days - an 8 week old baby is not going to be traumatised by missing this first one.

Stop being so dramatic.

Floralnomad · 16/12/2020 22:42

Your parents are being sensible but I can sympathise with you a bit if your mum feels safe enough to go out shopping etc as it does make you wonder what her priorities are .

Backwardsuptheescalator · 16/12/2020 22:42

It must be so disappointing but I hardly know anyone who hasn’t completely cancelled or significantly cut back their plans. We are so near the vaccine being available that it seems a risk too far to chance it. Hopefully it won’t be too long before you can have a good get together and make up for lost time.

Chloemol · 16/12/2020 22:43

It’s not that they dont want to see you, they are taking sensible precautions. Boris has said think about it, Drakeford has already said Wales back into lockdown after Christmas and its two familiesonly at Christmas. Your baby won’t know anything about it

macaroniinapot · 16/12/2020 22:44

YABU to not give yourself a break! You’ve got an 8 week old baby and having to navigate these ups and downs with the news and various rules.

I really feel for new mums who have been pregnant / had their babies during this mad year. So tough and it’s completely natural you would look forward to that special meeting. But I agree with PP, your baby won’t know and hopefully by taking precautions you’ll have many more happy Christmases together in future.

In Cardiff too and wish my family were being as sensible tbh

blue25 · 16/12/2020 22:44

You shouldn’t be travelling to Wales at the moment, things are awful. Your parents sound very sensible. Surely you’re mature enough to see that?

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 16/12/2020 22:45

It's not unreasonable to be upset. I would be too. But your parents are definitely doing the right thing.

Ariela · 16/12/2020 22:45

With older kids here - they won't remember anything from the first year or two when they get older. It's the time they spend with grandparents doing things like baking, sewing, making, gardening etc that will count.

Both my cousin and I enjoyed time with our grandmother who was a very accomplished needlewoman. It's no surprise we both like to sew and have fond memories of Grandma. Funnily enough we never remembered a time when we visited together but have compared notes and memories many times since.

Cherrysoup · 16/12/2020 22:47

Given they’ve been to work and out shopping, I think refusing to see you is a bit bonkers.

PurpleDaisies · 16/12/2020 22:48

@Cherrysoup

Given they’ve been to work and out shopping, I think refusing to see you is a bit bonkers.

Isn’t it that they’re worried about the risk they pose to the op?

justasking111 · 16/12/2020 22:50

I am in Wales your parents are wise, Cardiff, Swansea most of south Wales is in dire straits you would have to drag me down there kicking and screaming. What if one of you was ill I would be terrified if you had to go to a hospital there. Stay home safely and enjoy your baby. Wales has the worst figures in Europe, most of them down in the south.

Pinkchocolate · 16/12/2020 22:51

YANBU to be upset but they aren’t being unreasonable either. My sister had a baby in September and I’ve seen them once. They live far and as much as I’m devastated at not seeing my niece for longer than an hour I know it’s just part of the shit situation we’re in. Try and have lots of contact on the phone so you feel their presence a bit more but don’t feel they love you any less.

WeirdWomble · 16/12/2020 22:52

the cases in South Wales are so high currently. It's just not worth it

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 16/12/2020 22:53

It’s understandable you’re disappointed but your parents are taking the longer view. Hopefully they will be vaccinated in the next few months and you’ll be able to enjoy introducing your baby to them in much happier times.

PickAChew · 16/12/2020 22:54

Of course it's disappointing but an 8 week old really doesn't give a shit.

Bikingbear · 16/12/2020 22:55

Op it's a real tough one. I totally get you wanting to show of your baby, who'll be changing daily. But at the same time I get the fear of both you giving covid to them and vice versa.

I think you have to respect their wishes, and do zoom. We the plan to meet in person as soon as it's safe.

Pugdogmom · 16/12/2020 23:00

I understand your disappointment OP, but it's too risky for all of you. My granddaughter is 2 in March but we have only seen her twice this year. Its really sad, but everyone's health is more important .

oakleaffy · 16/12/2020 23:01

@RobynNora

I feel better already for the much needed reality check! You’re right the baby has no idea and we are mid pandemic. A lot of my antenatal friends’ parents have been seeing their grandkids like nothing has happened (breaking rules even) so I think I lost perspective and started to think my parents cared less. I’m happy that I’m probably being unreasonable!

I was upset, @RobynNora when my family booked a 4 week holiday abroad {when I was due to give birth} but it didn't mean much to DS who was asleep when they eventually did visit {long before Corona era}. MIL was much more excited, bless her!

It is a pain..An Aussie friend couldn't see her only son's firstborn son either... much to her great frustration.

Stay safe.. Wales is only over the Bridge from where we are currently, it is a bit scary. Stay safe!

Original poster

RobynNora · 16/12/2020 23:05

Thanks all! Feeling much better now. Can see now it was more of a case of my being sad to think that my parents don’t care rather than wanting to have Christmas at all costs.

Yes, they’re really interested in kiddo generally and going to be super grandparents. I know rationally they’ll be sad too and it’s best not to risk it -esp in Wales. In my newborn fog I hadn’t realised how bad it is in the South of Wales, where I grew up. This thread has also made me realise how many people are still (rightly) taking Covid seriously. Most people I know are paying little attention to guidelines and though I’m not breaking rules myself, I think this had normalised it for me.

Thinking of everyone with folks abroad. Roll on 2021 and a return to normality 💐

OP posts:

Butchyrestingface · 16/12/2020 23:07

If they're going to work/pootling round the shops, they may very well be anxious about passing the virus onto your newborn.

Hope you have a lovely first Christmas with your baby.

RedToothBrush · 16/12/2020 23:09

Reality check:

The law is changing to limit the christmas bubble and to introduce a 3 full lockdown because the situation IS THAT BAD in south wales

The rates in south wales are through the roof and thats without 11,000 positives that they have missed off the figures

The hospitals are overwhelmed and struggling.

You are travelling distance with a small baby. Into a high risk social situation.

Your family are trying to look after you and protect your family rather than reject you. They aren't cancelling plans because they don't love you.

Your mother is right and your partner is being a knobber.

friendlycat · 16/12/2020 23:11

Be proud of your mum for being wise and responsible. She’s not trying to hurt you, she’s doing the right thing. Please don’t be upset with her. There are so many people who really are going to be very irresponsible over Christmas but your Mum is doing the right thing.

When things are looking better she will be able to see you and your new baby and be fully part of your lives. Enjoy your first Christmas with your baby.

middleager · 16/12/2020 23:13

It is sad, but I agree with your parents.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread