To wonder why the f* people still think vaccines cause autism?

[coolitcathy]

Name changed for privacy reasons.

Stumbled across a Facebook group about "parents against vaccines" a few minutes ago which suggested, nay STATED, that vaccines cause autism and are essentially poison. I think the hysteria is potentially getting worse due to this Covid vaccination that's getting rolled out at the mo. Is anyone still infuriated or is the anger dying down now as we all get distracted by something else happening? Also why is autism seen as such a bad thing?

(If you're anti vax I'm open to you sharing your viewpoints but I haven't seen any information that makes me consider that outlook)

you sound like my daughter by the way.

She was never bullied at school though, she just couldn't cope with the sensory side of things.

@ForestNymph

I don't mean on this thread either. I mean from someone deciding it was fair game to trash my stuff because I preferred reading batman comics at lunchtime to socialising, or attacking me from behind because I didn't want to join in any games, or coordinating physical attacks against me on my way home because I wasn't interested in celebrity gossip.

I got bulled as a kid for having very stick out teeth, used to get called rat but most kids in my class, children r bulled for all sorts of reasons

Not to the same degree and not statistically the same amount. I remember a statistic that 95% of kids with aspergers (diagnosis is just called ASD now as I'm sure you know but this was a wwhole ago) have been severely bullied, I highly highly doubt 95% of all kids have.

@coolitcathy

all of this is terrible but NT children get bullied too.

Oof.

you're right I shouldn't have posted that. I apologise.

@cantdothisnow1

you sound like my daughter by the way.

She was never bullied at school though, she just couldn't cope with the sensory side of things.

I hope she is doing okay now. School is sensory hell for a lot of reasons. We moved my son to an ASD specialist school and he's a lot happier there.

According to this study:
jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/1355390
46.3% of adolescent people with ADD were victims of bullying.

I am unable to leave my daughter who is nearly 4 at all unattended, she will eat anything and everything and will try and climb on anything with no sense of danger or awareness she cannot dress feed to a point wash toilet uses nappies , i have to do it all, if i could choose that life would anyone? My friend has child with genetic disorder and has to do similar, if she was asked if she wanted to take his disorder away she wouldnt be even questioned.

@ForestNymph

Not to the same degree and not statistically the same amount. I remember a statistic that 95% of kids with aspergers (diagnosis is just called ASD now as I'm sure you know but this was a wwhole ago) have been severely bullied, I highly highly doubt 95% of all kids have.

Both of my children were too quiet when they were in school to attract attention of bullies.

Their difficulties were fear and anxiety of making mistakes socially, they masked.

It is, of course, more difficult for children with ASD in the school system, that's why neither of mine go to school any more.

I still, as an adult, don't trust anyone who is nice to me because kids would pretend to be my friend and then make fun of me. I don't think that experience is universal. And thats partly why I can't stand people who aren't autistic acting like we are the problem when so many of us just want to live in peace, and its other people who are obsessed with harassing us.

@Duggeehugs82

I am unable to leave my daughter who is nearly 4 at all unattended, she will eat anything and everything and will try and climb on anything with no sense of danger or awareness she cannot dress feed to a point wash toilet uses nappies , i have to do it all, if i could choose that life would anyone? My friend has child with genetic disorder and has to do similar, if she was asked if she wanted to take his disorder away she wouldnt be even questioned.

I empathise. My eldest is 5 but when he was 3-4 I had similar issues. He had no sense of danger and was impulsive (he has adhd with it as well) and he was very emotionally immature. Couldn't do anything alone and until after 3, couldn't speak. At the time I had newborn premature twins and I can remember feeling completely overwhelmed and alone. So I do understand.

But its not necessarily always like that. Two years on my son has a wide vocabulary, is in the top 2% in the country for maths and spatial awareness and is a happy, wonderful child.

I know it feels awful at the time, I really do, but that stage isn't forever.

@ForestNymph

I still, as an adult, don't trust anyone who is nice to me because kids would pretend to be my friend and then make fun of me. I don't think that experience is universal. And thats partly why I can't stand people who aren't autistic acting like we are the problem when so many of us just want to live in peace, and its other people who are obsessed with harassing us.

This is something I really worry about for my children. They are vulnerable.

If my son does surprise me and ends up able to be independent my biggest worry is that he will be taken advantage of.

But to go back to the point, that is why I wish he didn't have his difficulties, it's not because I hate autistics, I just want him to have an easy life. Which parent doesn't want that for their kids?

But to go back to the point, that is why I wish he didn't have his difficulties, it's not because I hate autistics, I just want him to have an easy life. Which parent doesn't want that for their kids?

My question is though, how does it help you or him to want that? He's already a person and a person with autism, so what do you get out of wishing him to be something else? I'm not trying to be insensitive, I'm just interested if that's an abstract or a practical wish.

I'm able to tell when people are being manipulative, I just don't trust anyone anymore due to it. So your kids will likely figure out a way of discerning it but the problem is it leaves a very bitter taste and negative view of others, at least in my experience.

I understand that and not wanting them to have difficulties. But again i'd say the problem is people being arseholes rather than autistics ourselves?

@NotEver0 - I hear you. My son is similar, he’s an adult now. There is no way I would have continued with a pregnancy had I knew what life would be like. People moaning about lockdown? Life has been one long lockdown for more than 20 years. No Nights out, no holidays, no lazy days watching movies, no sleep, no meals out in restaurants. No friendships as you can never go out and no one can ever come and visit! On the odd occasion you can trust someone else with your child you spend the whole time worrying. It’s crap and it’s never ending. I 100% understand where you’re coming from. No judgment here. Xxx

@coolitcathy

But to go back to the point, that is why I wish he didn't have his difficulties, it's not because I hate autistics, I just want him to have an easy life. Which parent doesn't want that for their kids?

My question is though, how does it help you or him to want that? He's already a person and a person with autism, so what do you get out of wishing him to be something else? I'm not trying to be insensitive, I'm just interested if that's an abstract or a practical wish.

You're right it doesn't help him. It doesn't stop the wish.

Also he's really bright, he sees other children coping with situations he can't cope with an he envies the ease with which they breeze through the world.

My daughter is also non verbal, obviously i dont have a crystal ball but u have no idea if this is my life onwards now. She has been like this for last 2 years. She is constantly sensory seeking, yes she might improve as she gets older, but there is a percentage of children that will not develop in same way and be like this for years and maybe into adulthood. My child having issues with her senses is not anything to do with others

@ForestNymph

I'm able to tell when people are being manipulative, I just don't trust anyone anymore due to it. So your kids will likely figure out a way of discerning it but the problem is it leaves a very bitter taste and negative view of others, at least in my experience.

I understand that and not wanting them to have difficulties. But again i'd say the problem is people being arseholes rather than autistics ourselves?

I'd say the problem is people being aresholes rather than autistics ourselves

Yes for the social interaction part of the difficulties but not the sensory ones, or the crippling anxiety i detailed earlier.

I understand that @cantdothisnow1. I empathise with the feeling but I think acknowledging that you're just going to do the best with what you have and make it work is a healthier mentality for you and him (sorry no way to say that non-condescendingly but I hope you hear what I mean). x

For the latter part - I sometimes as a child used to think "why am I apparently a gifted student yet things others find simple I find so hard" - now I didn't know I was autistic back then, so that didn't help, but something that helped me was reading about people who changed the world in some way, like Alan Turing or Rosa Parks, not necessarily autistic people but people who had overcome adversity or been "different". Idk if that's something he might be interested in?

Sorry if that's unwanted advice or seems patronising, you've probably tried loads of stuff, just thought I'd put it out there as someone who also had a shirty teenage time

Shitty that should say.

In reality of course that's how I think and certainly the outward message my son receives from me.

I don't dwell on the wishing it away part, there is no point. But if anyone asks a direct question as part of a discussion then I am not going to lie either.

There's also quite a few positive Tumblr boards surrounding autism (sometimes memes, educational content, political causes etc) that I found useful if anyone is looking for positive content for themselves or their kids. I could link some if that's useful - I'm only at the end of my adolescence but some things would have been very useful to read as a child in order to not hold myself accountable for things I couldn't control!

No, sensory issues are what they are but again some of it is the expectation. Society is very busy and noisy and bright. If we can find our niche, we often do very well. Teenage years are hard for everyone but I really think autistics struggle with it a lot

“You just don’t want to accept it” 😂

@ForestNymph - the fact that you can know how to use a computer, even know what a computer is. Open a web page, navigate to mumsnet and post on a thread like this goes to show you have absolute no idea of the kind of autism my some has or how it affects him.

I accept my son. He is the most important person in my whole life, probably more so than his siblings because he needs me more and he’s vulnerable. I’ve fought tooth and nail for him For over 20 years getting him the very best help and support I can. We’ve spent Tens of thousands in tribunals and appeals getting him the education he deserves. Don’t tell me I can’t accept who he is.

the fact that you can know how to use a computer, even know what a computer is. Open a web page, navigate to mumsnet and post on a thread like this goes to show you have absolute no idea of the kind of autism my some has or how it affects him

Let's not start with the autism Olympics here. Most of us on this thread have experience of autism (either personally or through a close family member) and we shouldn't jump over each other to see who has it worse. You can be apt with a computer and still massively struggle due to your experiences with autism.