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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are you meeting with family on Christmas Day?

107 replies

Fortheweekend · 14/12/2020 08:52

Christmas Day lunch for us is usually dh, myself, dc (12 and 15) then in the afternoon and evening we are joined by both sets of parents (all in late 70’s), my sister and her husband. We have a great time, eating, drinking and playing games, like most families.
This year has been crap. DH lost his mum 10 weeks ago. My mums Alzheimer’s has progressed and tbh I can’t imagine she will be very good at all in 6 months let alone next Christmas.
I was hoping that we could try and have as best a Christmas as possible this year and was quite pleased when the government announced 3 households can mix. We were planning on having just dh, myself, dc and fil for lunch and then my parents and sister and husband for the evening.
However, some experts are saying on Good Morning Britain today that we should most definitely NOT be mixing indoors at all this year as it will spread like wildfire and perhaps going for a walk (impossible with my mum) or sitting in the garden would be more appropriate (again how can you do that with elderly parents?) or having a big get together later in the spring after many elderly will have been vaccinated.
I’m now in a quandary. Not quite sure what to do. I’m concerned that having my parents and fil in our house will put them at serious risk (even though they all want to come).
I suppose we could pop in and see fil in the afternoon and see my parents later and see my sister and bil at a different day).
What are your plans for Christmas Day?

OP posts:
cptartapp · 14/12/2020 11:14

My parents are dead.
We are going to SIL to see her, BIL and nephews and my PIL who live next door to them. It's their choice to be there, we left the decision to them.
They're never a great lot of fun, everything done on the cheap, don't drink, don't do silliness so it's more of a duty visit than anything.
Would be quite happy to forego it all tbh to keep my year eleven and thirteen kids in education in January.

Pechanga · 14/12/2020 11:14

No, just because you can doesn't mean you should. All family, including lonely elderly relatives have opted to stay home this year.

We're playing it very safe, as their lives are very precious to us.

We are holding on to the hope that we can make up for it next year!

Sparklyring · 14/12/2020 11:15

My husband and I are spending it with my parents, sister, her DH and their kids. We're all (relatively) young and have worked throughout lockdown so seeing eachother seems lower risk than then hundreds of people we are between us each day.

Titsywoo · 14/12/2020 11:16

Just MIL and her partner - not seeing my parents or any of our siblings and their kids

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 14/12/2020 11:16

Only with the same bubble we've been in anyway.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 14/12/2020 11:17

We have kids in school and nursery so I'm erring on the side of not seeing my 70+ parents. Just because we can legally doesnt mean the virus will not spread and I think it seems a bit silly to put them at risk, when we're almost at the end

KittenCalledBob · 14/12/2020 11:17

My parents are too nervous to come to ours. I think my PILs are coming, but they are also now feeling worried. We'll see. It's their choice.

SummerBaby2020 · 14/12/2020 11:21

Nope seeing all family at their front doors in the morning to drop off presents keeping the 2m distance outside at all times and so they can see my dd for her first Xmas then back home, pj’s back on and only me, my partner and my 6mo DD for dinner no mixing in households. My mum and dad have bubbled up with my 88yo gran so she’s not on her own like she has been all year but they don’t go anywhere and both my gran and dad are shielding so have been so careful throughout. I have a huge family and it’s just not worth the risk for my dd or my gran. I’m more than happy just to be able to see them at their doors as the way they were talking some time ago this wasn’t even going to be allowed but so happy we can have this at least and my gran won’t be on her own.

MillieVanilla · 14/12/2020 11:26

I think the government telling people they can relax over Christmas then saying "but actually, don't cos everyone will die" is bloody unfair.

Personally, we won't be meeting up with anyone, we don't usually do a big family Christmas with other relatives but we do usually go round the pub for 3 hours and it's packed with mates. We won't be doing that this year and the general consensus of my mates is no way no how.
I know my BIL is in a bubble with my SIL or he would be on his own but other than that we plan on hoping that by May, when there is a big family birthday in my DPs family (I'm nc with mine) we can all be together.

I just don't think it's worth it this year. If they can manage to do something alone and WhatsApp you or ring then keep to that. You only have to look at how fast it spreads in school to know this is going to cause utter chaos and will lead to the NHS we've all been told to protect being in shit.

Jaxhog · 14/12/2020 11:28

just because you can doesn't mean you should.

This is really the point. We've decided not to mix this year, so that others who really need to, can do so. We plan to zoom with family instead.

Heyahun · 14/12/2020 11:31

Not seeing either sets of parents it’s not worth the risk
It’s just a day - for the sake of missing a meal together we decided to not meet them at all

Could you forgive yourself if your mum or fil got seriously ill after Christmas ?

I’d really think about if it’s worth it

IMNOTSHOUTING · 14/12/2020 11:35

It's not binary. If you want a special christmas why not minimise your contact with the outside world from now until Christmas day. That will massively reduce the chances of any of you harbouring covid and spreading it. That's what most people I know are doing. The greatest risk for you is probably the secondary school children.

ineedaholidaynow · 14/12/2020 11:36

@cptartapp so why don't you stay at home, it's not like anyone is going to be on their own.

People just need to see what happened in the US after Thanksgiving to see it is not a good idea to have too many people mixing.

speakout · 14/12/2020 11:36

just because you can doesn't mean you should.

I agree.
We won't be seeing my OH's family at all.
MIL is frail and vulnerable- she has her own bubble with OHs sister so won't be alone.
My own mother is also frail and vulnerable, but is in a bubble with us.

We decide weeks ago that it would be best not to mix all the families.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 14/12/2020 11:38

My kids are at their dads for the first time (Sad) so I'm going to my aunties & uncles house. There'll be 4 householdes - my grandad and my aunty's dad. Technically breaking the rules but TBH I care more that me, a single mum without her children around for Christmas, and two elderly men who may not see Christmas again, have a lovely day and are not cooped up because of tHe rULes. If Dominic Cummings and Kay Burley can do their own thing then so can I

OffredOfjune · 14/12/2020 11:38

Yes, we will be. Because we can and we want to.

Brighterthansunflowers · 14/12/2020 11:41

Your current plans involve four households by the sound of it so was never allowed for this year anyway

I’m sorry youve had such a shit year but YABU. When the rules were announced it was made very clear that there was still a lot of risk, especially for elderly and/or vulnerable people. The rules have been relaxed because they know people would do it anyway and for political reasons, not because it’s actually safe or sensible to do so. Of course mingling multiple households is no safer on Christmas Day than any other day.

PurpleDaisies · 14/12/2020 11:42

If Dominic Cummings and Kay Burley can do their own thing then so can I

Kay Burley has been taken off air for six months and Dominic Cummings is universally despised. Great role models.

Ymlaen · 14/12/2020 11:48

We're going for a walk with my parents on Boxing Day, not seeing inlaws at all. This will be the first time we've ever had Christmas day as a family unit with no extended family.

Doingitaloneandproud · 14/12/2020 11:56

Yes we will be, with those in our current bubble.

tinselfest · 14/12/2020 11:57

Yes, but probably only for half an hour, standing drinking coffee in the garden, weather permitting.

MistletoeandGin · 14/12/2020 11:57

Kay Burley has been taken off air for six months

On full pay, what a punishment eh?

DappledOliveGroves · 14/12/2020 12:00

Speaking pragmatically, OP, if your mother has dementia then is it really the worst thing if she has an enjoyable Christmas this year with her family, even if that means she doesn't make next Christmas?

My mother had dementia, is in a care home, has zero quality of life and has been declining year on year to the point where she has little speech, is incontinent, angry and utterly confused. We can't see her because of Covid. If she were to die this absolutely would not be the worst thing.

In your position I'd embrace what quality time she has left. Watching someone suffer for years, losing the essence of that person but them still being alive is really not something I'd wish on anyone.

sunshineandshowers21 · 14/12/2020 12:01

me and my sister and our kids and partners are staying at my mum’s from christmas eve until the day after boxing day. we’ve all had covid anyway (apart from the babies) and my parents are only in their forties so it’s as low risk as it could possibly be.

zigaziga · 14/12/2020 12:02

See in a situation like yours, with your DM rapidly deteriorating I would definitely make sure to spend Christmas together.