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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why did you have another child?

92 replies

Legalhelp · 11/12/2020 21:00

If you have had more than one child, what were your reasons for this and is it amazing or something you wish you’d thought through more?
I have a toddler Dd and love the bones of her , but it’s hard bloody work! I often think about having another and a part of me really does, but then the rational side says ‘Are you nuts? This life but only harder?’ Or is it not that much harder?

OP posts:
Original poster
Legalhelp · 11/12/2020 21:00

*Really does want one

OP posts:
WhoseThatGirl · 11/12/2020 21:02

It was much harder for us. Don’t regret having 2 though.

OrangeGinLemonFanta · 11/12/2020 21:04

I was one of two. I really wanted 2 children and my urge for a second child was possibly even stronger than my urge for a first. It is bloody hard but I wouldn't change it for the world. I also wouldn't have a third for anything.

Washimal · 11/12/2020 21:05

If I'm being really honest, my main reason for having a second child was that the first desperately wanted a sibling. I have found going from one to two incredibly hard but seeing them together, the bond they share, makes it worthwhile...just about.

Keeva2017 · 11/12/2020 21:06

So much harder! Can’t believe I found one difficult and my second is easy in comparison to the first!

However not a single regret. I have an urge for a third but no way is that happening!

pringlebells · 11/12/2020 21:06

Watching this thread as I've just found out I'm pregnant with #2

TillyTheTiger · 11/12/2020 21:08

Our family didn't feel complete with DS. I could imagine him with a sibling so easily. DH and I are both really close to our siblings and wanted DS to have that. DD came along and slotted in so perfectly it's hard to imagine she hasn't always been here. In some ways it's harder but they entertain each other and adore each other and it makes my heart melt every day to see them playing and cuddling together.

Having said all that, you couldn't pay me enough to have a third!

icklekid · 11/12/2020 21:09

I really wanted 2, both me and dh are one of 2. Financially could afford it. Ds was so hard work in the first year I knew if we waited too long and got settled I might never risk going through it again. 2 year age gap between me and my sister and pretty much the same between my 2 children. I think work was not great at the time when I got pregnant so that may also have been part of the cause!!

Ayupmeduck · 11/12/2020 21:10

Couldn't have even considered another until DS1 was about 3. He was a grumpy baby and I didn't really enjoy the first 18 months much at all. I was astounded by people who had small age gaps between their DC as I could barely cope with one despite a supportive DH and lots of help from family.
Gradually everything seemed to get easier - he slept all night, potty trained, could talk...I started to enjoy things more and we wanted a sibling for him.
DS2 was such a breeze in comparison. I found the whole thing so much easier second time around. Don't regret having another for a second. They are both well past the toddler stage and it seems a lifetime ago. The first few years were tough but it's a small price to pay for the amazing people they are turning into.

Lemonsyellow · 11/12/2020 21:11

I really wanted two. The idea of just one was unthinkable. I wanted her to have a sibling to grow up with, to play with. And also I wanted quite close together in age. Mine are 21 months apart. A very big age gap would be harder.

Iggly · 11/12/2020 21:12

I didn’t want my kids to grow up without a sibling. My first was hard work so we dove straight in before we got used to better nights etc!

Yes it was hard then it got easier and now it’s fine (they’re 11&9)

Properbobbins · 11/12/2020 21:17

I can’t really explain it very well but I really wanted my first to have a sibling. Personally found going from 1 to 2 nowhere near as bad as I thought it would, I did have a 3+ year gap which may have helped. fortunately number 2, DS, was a very different baby to the first (actually slept!) and an ‘easy’ baby.
I knew quite overwhelmingly once we’d had DS that our family felt complete - did t feel like that when it was just DD.

MumOfDiamonds · 11/12/2020 21:18

I have 2. DS now 16 and DD now 12. I have 5 siblings and it was a struggle for my parents. I knew I didn't want a huge family but at the same time I wanted my DS to have a sibling. It was so much better second time round. They have their moments but they're so close. Never, ever regretted it.

Magicbabywaves · 11/12/2020 21:18

Wanted them to have a sibling. And another sibling!

DragonMamma · 11/12/2020 21:19

To double my chances of not ending up in a care home Wink

Spanglybangles · 11/12/2020 21:22

We had our first then decided to play it by ear and just wait and see if I fell pregnant again. Nothing happened for years. Then out of the blue I fell pregnant when our first was nearly 6. Was surprised but delighted. Sadly I suffered a silent miscarriage at 10 weeks, discovered at my 12 week scan. After that I became fixated on falling pregnant again. I had another sad loss a few months later but finally got our DS a year later.

It has been very hard to be honest as there is nearly 8 years between our 2 and the difference is more obvious now our eldest is a teen and youngest is only 6. Wouldn’t be without either of them though,

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 11/12/2020 21:22

Loved the one I had and by age 1 didnt find him too hard (he slept ok etc). Second was harder in some ways (less time, tiring etc) but easier than others (it's not all new, you know what to expect etc).

Love it having two and love seeing them together.

AlwaysLatte · 11/12/2020 21:22

I really wanted a sibling for my son. They're great friends, and I can't imagine not having another!

Oysterbabe · 11/12/2020 21:22

I wanted my child to have a sibling, I think they benefit hugely from it. They are 3 and 5 now and love playing together, it's easier than having 1 because I can leave them to it.
I found the experience of having a second newborn wonderful. I had none of the doubt and anxiety of the first time. I felt happy and confident and was able to just enjoy him.

Palmtree3 · 11/12/2020 21:23

I just wanted 2. I’m in the thick of it though with dd who is 2.5 and ds who is almost 2 weeks old.
It’s really hard work having a toddler and a baby but I know baby will get easier. I don’t really enjoy baby’s. Without wishing this precious time away, I look forward to him being 1 year old plus.

user1493413286 · 11/12/2020 21:23

Around when my DD was 18 months I just developed an unstoppable urge to have another DC; until then I’d been ok about just having one but it was like something clicked and I just wanted another. I had my second DC earlier this year and I’m definitely done now though. The transition from 1 to 2 DC has certainly been easier than 0 to 1; I don’t find that it’s double the work but it is hard to go back to the beginning when you’re starting to get time and sleep back with a toddler.

Palmtree3 · 11/12/2020 21:24

Having said that, I’m enjoying the newborn bit much much more than the first time.

tempnamechange98765 · 11/12/2020 21:24

I never even considered only having one child, I always knew I wanted more than one. It's been hard work in that there are two of them, plus DC2 is much harder work than DC1 in a lot of ways but he's wonderful and brings so much joy and it's lovely seeing the two together.

MoreKnackeredThanYou · 11/12/2020 21:24

I was an only child and was desperate for a sibling - I couldn’t have had only one myself. DH was one of 4, and he wanted two as well. Very happy with 2, couldn’t imagine going back to nappies and milk and not sleeping again!

missanony · 11/12/2020 21:24

I really wanted a second child but it took until dc1 was out of baby and toddler stages to get my head around doing it. It’s worth it though but a big gap helps

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