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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So jealous of ex-he’s wealth

91 replies

Onedropbeat · 11/12/2020 16:52

I know I am being unreasonable because I’d never want to be with him. He was financially, emotionally and physically abusive throughout our whole marriage and I’m glad we never had children together

I’m now in a safe and happy relationship with lovely babies

However, I’m so badly jealous of ex-h’s wealth.
He’s never worked hard but fell into a high paying career and after I left he bought a huge country house.
Hes constantly travelling to lovely places, has multiple lovely classic cars and this year he’s had a huge Christmas bonus. (No idea how much obviously but it’s between £5-10k.

I on the other hand am in a house that’s too small, too cold, with clothes that don’t quite fit, haven’t been on a holiday for a long time, with a car that needs fixing that I’m struggling to afford and a job that I work really hard at but will never pay huge sums

I’m feeling all very woe is me right now but it feels so unfair that someone who was so horrible and awful is doing so well when life is quite a struggle here

OP posts:
BluebellsGreenbells · 11/12/2020 16:57

You see people like your ex get regularly shifted on to the next level because they are difficult to manage and work with. The reason many bosses are awful

Knottedstomach11 · 11/12/2020 17:04

Ohh just imagine how much dusting & vacuuming it would take in a big country house! You’re far better off in a too small happy home Grin

Maybe cut contact & block him on SM. If he’s your ex you don’t need to know his lifestyle anymore.

Aahotep · 11/12/2020 17:07

Stop looking at his pictures

Meowchickameowmeow · 11/12/2020 17:07

Why are you still so invested in how he's doing? His life is nothing to do with you anymore and you're letting it take away joy from your own. Have a word with yourself, stop looking at his FB or wherever you're seeing stuff about him and try to appreciate what you have.

Original poster
Onedropbeat · 11/12/2020 17:09

We blocked each other on social media but I hear it from joint friends

Wondering if it’s time to cut those off now as i really don’t need to know and really don’t see why anyone who likes me would want to be friends with him anyway

OP posts:
GlowingOrb · 11/12/2020 17:09

Remember that just because he has money doesn’t mean he is happy.

Original poster
Onedropbeat · 11/12/2020 17:11

To be honest I’m surprised he’s done so wel as I was sure he’d have been broke by now

When we were together he stole thousands from me, had thousands from my parents bailing him out due to his gambling addiction which I assume he just now have under control

OP posts:
WhereverIGoddamnLike · 11/12/2020 17:11

If he's abusive then at his heart, he is a cold, horrible, mean spirited man who will never be properly happy no matter what he has because there will always be something missing on the inside. You, on the other hand, will be able to say that you had happiness, children and can look back on a career where you worked hard.

He wont ever have that.

formerbabe · 11/12/2020 17:12

Some people are so poor all they have is money

Original poster
Onedropbeat · 11/12/2020 17:12

@formerbabe

Some people are so poor all they have is money
I like this, thank you 🙏🏻
OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 11/12/2020 17:13

So is he your 4 y/o DS's dad?

Original poster
Onedropbeat · 11/12/2020 17:13

No luckily

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 11/12/2020 17:15

How long ago did you split op?

gottakeeponmovin · 11/12/2020 17:16

I think you need to get over it tbh. He's obviously worked hard and what he has is irrelevant to your life. You don't want to be with him so you just need to focus on maximising what you have

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 11/12/2020 17:17

@CandyLeBonBon

Did you trawl through her old posts? And now you're questioning her on everything?

She clearly said they had no children together and she us now happy with someone else and has children. So why would you then ask if he was the dad? It is all there in the OP.

Original poster
Onedropbeat · 11/12/2020 17:17

@CandyLeBonBon

How long ago did you split op?
The year before I had DS

So we haven’t seen each other for over 5 years now (thankfully)

But we lived in small town, where all our friends had come from the same school, our parents were friends and everyone knows everyone.

So even if I don’t have the friends who still are in contact with him my parents hear how he is doing through the grapevine too.

I wish I could shut the whole lot out of my life and never hear about him ever again.

Surprisingly we’ve never actually crossed paths in person which is one thing I was most worried of

OP posts:
MoreLikeThis · 11/12/2020 17:18

Your friends are being unkind.

Tell your friends that gossiping about him to you is unpleasant and that you don’t won’t to hear about him again.

I’m intrigued how they could ‘know’ how much his bonus was.

Original poster
Onedropbeat · 11/12/2020 17:19

[quote WhereverIGoddamnLike]@CandyLeBonBon

Did you trawl through her old posts? And now you're questioning her on everything?

She clearly said they had no children together and she us now happy with someone else and has children. So why would you then ask if he was the dad? It is all there in the OP.[/quote]
Thank you. I wondered why someone would trawl through my past posts on something like this too

OP posts:
Mintjulia · 11/12/2020 17:19

In my experience people don't just fall into highly paid jobs, they have to work very hard and have all the right qualifications, as well as a fair chunk of luck.

You've been apart from him at least 5 years, why are you still following what he does? That's borderline stalking.

I feel quite sorry for your dp or DH.

Original poster
Onedropbeat · 11/12/2020 17:19

@MoreLikeThis

Your friends are being unkind.

Tell your friends that gossiping about him to you is unpleasant and that you don’t won’t to hear about him again.

I’m intrigued how they could ‘know’ how much his bonus was.

I’m guessing he was bragging about it

He’s the sort who would

He always acted so much about money and assets and material possessions

OP posts:
Lipz · 11/12/2020 17:19

He's an ex for a reason. If he was abusive in every way possible you can imagine what your life would be like if you were still with him. Imagine sitting in this big country house surrounded by fancy cars, his bank account bulging but you're physically and mentally drained because he's abused you mentally, financially and physically. Now look at your life you have now, happy home with a happy family, small clothes etc are the least of your priorities, you have enough food? Lots of love? Nothing beats that.

I think we all take a glimpse at our exes lives, I know when I see pics of fancy holidays and big houses and fancy restaurants, I think, god love her having to live with his fuckedupness, and having to lie on sm that all is good, because bad men don't change.

liveitwell · 11/12/2020 17:20

I get why you'd feel that way.

But you're happy. And he's probably pretty dead inside given his abusive nature.

I'd choose to be you any day of the week.

Original poster
Onedropbeat · 11/12/2020 17:20

@Mintjulia

In my experience people don't just fall into highly paid jobs, they have to work very hard and have all the right qualifications, as well as a fair chunk of luck.

You've been apart from him at least 5 years, why are you still following what he does? That's borderline stalking.

I feel quite sorry for your dp or DH.

Please read first

I’m not stalking

Also - please read - he fell into well paying career - it didn’t need qualifications.
He doesn’t have a levels or even decent GCSEs

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 11/12/2020 17:21

Well if he is an ex there are reasons for that. Would rather be with a good man than a rich one.

The same week dh asked me out the son of one of England’s wealthiest families did too but I preferred dh. I am a hopeless gold digger as dh tells me 😁

CandyLeBonBon · 11/12/2020 17:24

Ok. So 5 years is quite a while to be holding on to this.

I get it. My ex was a shit and stole money, was abusive in so many ways and seems to have come up smelling of roses and it still feels unfair that he hasn't been struck down by some random act of divine retribution. I really do get it.

But what I recently realised was that the only way I'm going to move on and stop feeling eaten up inside is to make an active choice to NOT seek out information.

It's possible that part of you still WANTS to know, even though you know it's self destructive. But you have to be honest with yourself about it.

If your friends offer up information, tell them no thankyou. If they don't respect that, you need new friends.

It will eat at you, and that won't serve you, your children or your dh.

Happiness is a choice in these situations.

I really do get where you're coming from though. Thanks