So jealous of ex-he’s wealth

[Onedropbeat]

I know I am being unreasonable because I’d never want to be with him. He was financially, emotionally and physically abusive throughout our whole marriage and I’m glad we never had children together

I’m now in a safe and happy relationship with lovely babies

However, I’m so badly jealous of ex-h’s wealth.
He’s never worked hard but fell into a high paying career and after I left he bought a huge country house.
Hes constantly travelling to lovely places, has multiple lovely classic cars and this year he’s had a huge Christmas bonus. (No idea how much obviously but it’s between £5-10k.

I on the other hand am in a house that’s too small, too cold, with clothes that don’t quite fit, haven’t been on a holiday for a long time, with a car that needs fixing that I’m struggling to afford and a job that I work really hard at but will never pay huge sums

I’m feeling all very woe is me right now but it feels so unfair that someone who was so horrible and awful is doing so well when life is quite a struggle here

He could very well be up to his eyeballs in debt.

Candy your posts are quite odd to be honest, why at you reading her back posts and questioning her. She’s not posted anything questionable?

And mint she’s not stalking her ex.

Is it a full moon tonight or something?

[quote WhereverIGoddamnLike]@CandyLeBonBon

Did you trawl through her old posts? And now you're questioning her on everything?

She clearly said they had no children together and she us now happy with someone else and has children. So why would you then ask if he was the dad? It is all there in the OP.[/quote]
Actually I recognised op's user name and wanted to refresh my memory because I remembered her mentioning children. Last time I checked, using the advanced search function wasn't a capital offence.

Candy it says right there in her op she didn’t have kids with him

@Onedropbeat

To be honest I’m surprised he’s done so wel as I was sure he’d have been broke by now

When we were together he stole thousands from me, had thousands from my parents bailing him out due to his gambling addiction which I assume he just now have under control

Money doesn’t buy happiness, but did he repay you and your parents?

@catsjammies

He could very well be up to his eyeballs in debt.

Very possibly actually

@Bluntness100 I've explained my reasons.

"When we were together he stole thousands from me, had thousands from my parents bailing him out due to his gambling addiction which I assume he just now have under control"

Ha. You assume wrong I bet - this will be all bluster, borrowing and bullshit.

Bet he's got debts up to his eyeballs

@CandyLeBonBon

Ok. So 5 years is quite a while to be holding on to this.

I get it. My ex was a shit and stole money, was abusive in so many ways and seems to have come up smelling of roses and it still feels unfair that he hasn't been struck down by some random act of divine retribution. I really do get it.

But what I recently realised was that the only way I'm going to move on and stop feeling eaten up inside is to make an active choice to NOT seek out information.

It's possible that part of you still WANTS to know, even though you know it's self destructive. But you have to be honest with yourself about it.

If your friends offer up information, tell them no thankyou. If they don't respect that, you need new friends.

It will eat at you, and that won't serve you, your children or your dh.

Happiness is a choice in these situations.

I really do get where you're coming from though.

That’s very true.

Thank you

Sorry op. I really wasn't trying to be an arse.

@ExitChasedByAnImposter
I made it part of the divorce agreement that he paid my parents back with the proceeds of selling the house

He managed to get out of paying me back somehow but I was too exhausted to keep fighting for it

@CandyLeBonBon

Sorry op. I really wasn't trying to be an arse.

No I understand. Thank you

In my experience envy springs from being unhappy about our own situation, that the thing you envy is what you yourself want.

Is there anything you can do to improve your financial or living conditions? I know not immediately but having a mid to long term plan and working towards it, to feel you’re doing something, that you have a goal, can alleviate the negative feelings and they can also be used to spur you on,

I can understand how galling this must be for you and your parents after he took thousands from you but it may well be that it is only on the surface that he is doing very well.

The huge country house could be mortgaged to the hilt, running the house (heating, electricity, maintaining it) will cost a lot, the holidays could be on credit cards, the cars being financed by loans. It could very well be all style and no substance. If he had a gambling addiction I doubt very much it has just gone away, maybe lessened but this show of wealth could be part of the same mindset. His empire could well come crashing down. It may look good at the moment but the pressure will be on him to maintain the ability to fund this lifestyle, he won't be able to just sit back and relax.

All he has are material things, you have a happy, safe, loving relationship and two babies you are wealthier in ways he is not and probably never will be.

Cut off those friends and remember comparison is the thief of joy.

I agree with some PP. there is no way you get a massive Xmas bonus by not working hard. People probably know where he lives it doesn't mean he is showing off. It was five years ago. You made your decision, you had a child with another man. I really don't get why you are obsessing on this. I honestly think if people put half as much effort into their own lives as they do being jealous of others they would go a long way!

[quote Onedropbeat]@ExitChasedByAnImposter
I made it part of the divorce agreement that he paid my parents back with the proceeds of selling the house

He managed to get out of paying me back somehow but I was too exhausted to keep fighting for it[/quote]
God I know how that feels.

It doesn't make sense does it? For me, even though I don't want anything to do with him, it feels so disloyal to my partner, but the feelings come anyway.

@Bluntness100

In my experience envy springs from being unhappy about our own situation, that the thing you envy is what you yourself want.

Is there anything you can do to improve your financial or living conditions? I know not immediately but having a mid to long term plan and working towards it, to feel you’re doing something, that you have a goal, can alleviate the negative feelings and they can also be used to spur you on,

This is possibly nail on head

I’d always felt that I was doing ok for myself , not flush but enough to get by and do a few nice things and didn’t want more than that

But this year has been hard and finances have taken a hit so that’s possibly a big part of my feelings

Honestly unless he's one of the very few lucky ones, he could relapse at any time and then it all comes tumbling down. Plus, you know that outward appearances mean jack shit. He could be on the bones of his arse and up to his tonsils in debt.

Or, he could be one of those people who seems to get everything and never receive any karma for what they've done to others. That's shit and it's hard to see someone who's hurt you seemingly live a blessed life.

I don't care what anyone here says. It's natural to feel a bit miffed at that!

But, as twee as it sounds, you really are blessed and you might be struggling a bit with money right now but you've got a loving relationship and lovely children.

You really do have things that can't be measured by money.

Perhaps it's time to tell these friends yo don't want to know about ex. If they can't respect that then yes, maybe it's time to move on from them.

Op, yes envy is normally a reflection on something you’re unhappy about in your own life, something you want for yourself.
I notice you don’t say I’m jealous of his relationships or anything like that. It’s all about the financial.

This years been financially hard on many people, just turn your focus on how to get it back to where you’re happy, if that won’t happen automatically when Covid is put to bed next year.

Perhaps it's time to tell these friends yo don't want to know about ex. If they can't respect that then yes, maybe it's time to move on from them

This. If secretly you do want to know, as many do, then don’t blame them for telling, becayse they likely know you want to know. If you don’t want to know, tell them, and if they keep doing it then it’s time to end the relationship. But if you’ve never said you don’t want to know. Then possibly they have misread it.

God this happened to me - and I was a proper stalker through his social media (he was on everything) and it literally burned. However I came across another account of his on Quora, and he had serious issues which I won’t specify, but all his other social media and word of mouth through old ‘friends’ only (and deliberately) showed the picture he wanted people to see. His life was actually nothing at all like that.
Sad really.

@Bluntness100

Op, yes envy is normally a reflection on something you’re unhappy about in your own life, something you want for yourself. I notice you don’t say I’m jealous of his relationships or anything like that. It’s all about the financial.

This years been financially hard on many people, just turn your focus on how to get it back to where you’re happy, if that won’t happen automatically when Covid is put to bed next year.

100%

I’ve never been materialistic but this years financial troubles make me feel that maybe I am really as it’s the year I’ve noticed the most these feelings of jealousy creep in

Fingers crossed next year it a better year

Don't let your ice cream melt whilst you're counting someone else's sparkles.

Your ex was abusive; I don’t think he sounds like a happy individual at all, despite his wealth.

You’ve said you’ve got a lovely partner now and it sounds like despite the things needing fixing / bigger house / better paid job, all in all you’re in a good place. You sound like a much better person than he is anyway - he should be jealous of you, m’dear. Money isn’t everything, in fact if you’ve found someone who truly loves you and are in a beautiful relationship, then you are indeed wealthy. Just a different, more important kind.

Keep your chin up. I understand it can be gutting to see someone who hurt you look like they’re doing well, but chances are he isn’t. He was an abuser and probably still is - that isn’t someone who is doing well at all.

He’s not going to be a completely different person is he? Just forget about him. Look at your lovely kids.