So jealous of ex-he’s wealth

[Onedropbeat]

I know I am being unreasonable because I’d never want to be with him. He was financially, emotionally and physically abusive throughout our whole marriage and I’m glad we never had children together

I’m now in a safe and happy relationship with lovely babies

However, I’m so badly jealous of ex-h’s wealth.
He’s never worked hard but fell into a high paying career and after I left he bought a huge country house.
Hes constantly travelling to lovely places, has multiple lovely classic cars and this year he’s had a huge Christmas bonus. (No idea how much obviously but it’s between £5-10k.

I on the other hand am in a house that’s too small, too cold, with clothes that don’t quite fit, haven’t been on a holiday for a long time, with a car that needs fixing that I’m struggling to afford and a job that I work really hard at but will never pay huge sums

I’m feeling all very woe is me right now but it feels so unfair that someone who was so horrible and awful is doing so well when life is quite a struggle here

... i.e. you are much better without him by your own admission... so try not to think about him and focus on you and your lovely babies! If that's too hard, maybe some counselling would help you get past it.

To be honest I do not understand this...
You have a happy relationship and lovely babies and yet are still interested in what your ex does and his finances??
My ex was financially abusive durinng a long marriage, purchased a new home and top of the range jaguar pre divorce.
He became a high earner, I gave up my career for family,. He constantly tried to avoid paying court ordered maintenance etc and we ended up back and to in court for 5 years.
Before our second Final Hearing he was purchasing a £650k house whilst trying to tell the court I could live in a one bedroomed flat after forcing the sale of the former marital home.
I now live in much smaller house on my own having never found anyone else to share my life with in an area I would not have chosen. I need a new kitchen and bathroom, this will never happen.
But you know what? I never give him, or his current financial situation a second thought.
Be thankful for what you have got, envy is the thief of joy.

Thank you everyone for the perspective I really needed

My ex is ludicrously wealthy. A fact hidden from me in marriage and divorce 😀
He is on his own after being divorced 6 years. And is spending Christmas Day alone because neither of his ( adult) children want to be with him.

He was a gambler and a thief and horrible. probably still is. Theres no money in the world would make me want to be with a man like that. No matter how fancy the cars and house. Tell your friends that youre really not interested in hearing what that arsehole is doing

I understand why you're miffed but comparison really is the thief of joy.

No harm in crossing your fingers, though, and hoping for something minorly unpleasant to happen to him... Maybe the locking system on one of his classic cars will fail and he'll be stuck in there for a bit with no food and only a bottle of water. Or they might be stolen....

I’ve never been materialistic but this years financial troubles make me feel that maybe I am really as it’s the year I’ve noticed the most these feelings of jealousy creep in

I can understand that, when things are tough you look around and seem to see people just sailing blissfully on, seemingly unimpacted and it's hard not to feel jealous, envious or think why them and not me? especially when they are someone like your ex. BUT you don't truly know what their life is like, an awful lot of people put on a very convincing show to the outside world.

As Bluntness says focus on how to get back to your previous happy self, make plans. Hopefully next year won't be the horror this one was, but remember you have managed to get through it with your family intact.

You said you're now in a safe and happy relationship with lovely babies. That is something to be really happy about. Your economic status will change and improve sooner or later too, as your children get older; you'll move to a bigger house(I lived in a cramped, tiny house too at one time and hated it). You may never be rich but being comfortable is really, really nice.

Don't be jealous of your ex - he no longer has you for a start and the relationship must have been over for quite a while as you have moved on and had more than one child since.

He may have been really horrible, I don't doubt he was actually, people are sometimes unfortunately; however he may be far less horrible now. Whatever, unless he too has a lovely, committed relationship with someone he is not as well off as you. I doubt you'd swap places!

Ex husband is in the past, op.

Good luck for the future.

Either stop seeing joint friends, or tell them you don’t want to hear about it

And how do you know he hasn’t got it all on finance and is struggling each month to keep on top of payments? You are assuming, it doesn’t do any good

You need to forget about him and focus on you and your family

I get it @Onedropbeat.

Money doesn't equal happiness though. Someone close to me is married to a truly insanely wealthy man. Despite the outward presentation (social media, mutual friends) their marriage is miserable and unequal and I wouldn't swap the loving relationship I'm in for all the money in the world. I don't feel jealous at all, as I wouldn't swap in a million years. Some things are priceless, and happiness is one of them.

Mega money buys stuff, not happiness.

Just because he has money doesn’t necessarily mean he’s happy x

Someone once told me “Never envy anybody anything - until you know the size of their debts’. Very true.

Move on.

The joint friends need to go or STFU.

What you are envious over are the very things that don’t matter such as excessive wealth, fancy cars, fancy holidays, big houses.
What really matters is having a loving partner, you and your family’s health, being happy with your lot.

A good man is worth a hundred wealthy ones. You can’t buy that kind of happiness. You are so much “richer” than your ex.

Different but relevant - my childhood.My parents were rich but abusive.. I would have given anything to have poor loving parents. I think it has damaged my life in a way that I have never recovered from.

You have a chance for a new life.Tell people you don't want to know.

If he's that rich why aren't you getting more child maintenance so your children aren't living in a cold house ?

Wow.. 'fell into high paying career'.. It doesn't happen often, it is often percieved this way though by jealous people.
You want more money go and earn it

AIUI he isn't the father of the children

Did you miss some zeros off the mega bonus? You can’t buy a huge country house for 10k. If you can tell me what I’m missing out on

Wouldn’t get you a classic car never mind several either. Might get you a second hand Nissan Micra

@SunshineCake

If he's that rich why aren't you getting more child maintenance so your children aren't living in a cold house ?

They aren't his kids.

If he's that rich why aren't you getting more child maintenance so your children aren't living in a cold house ?

If you're that bitchy why can't you actually read and comprehend the details given in the OP? Duh!!

@SunshineCake

Why would be be paying child maintenance to his ex wife who went on to have children with someone else?
They arent his kids!! The OP was very clear right at the beginning.

Apologies for getting it wrong, @Onedropbeat.