AIBU SIL & Ex at Christmas

[Doozy1991]

I need to know if I'm being unreasonable to be pissed off with my SIL.

She invited my family for Christmas day as she has done for the past few years. Really looking forward to it but have just found out she has decided to invite DHs ex. DH suffers terribly with his mental health, has been sectioned already this year & his relationship with ex is not good, she openly admitted to purposely getting pregnant by putting holes in condoms, not taking the pill, and is generally a bit wild.

DH has said he is not going if she is going, SIL has said she wants her there as otherwise she'll be alone christmas day (she wouldn't). SIL said she wouldn't want to be away from her sons for half the day and just because I can be away from my DD1 doesn't mean Ex should. Ex was quite happy to finally split Christmas 50/50, she usually goes abroad for all of December and takes DS so we don't ever see him at Christmas.

So as not to drip feed SIL and EX are friends, but not overly close.
SIL said her reason to invite EX was she thought DH could kick off due to his mental health and she wanted someone else to talk to
DH has had to have a lot of support from PIL due to crisis this year, therefore taking away her baby sitters
I had a baby in April and was looking forward to getting out 😅

So AIBU to feel like she's ruined what would have been a good day??

Yanbu. Your SIL is a nasty, shit-stirring bitch. No way would I be going.

Yanbu at all
Don't go

I wouldn’t go to be honest

I don’t know why you’d want to spend Christmas was SIL when she is like that! Let her spend the day with your DH’s ex and you have a lovely day at home with your own family.

Win win.

Are you saying the SIL thought she was doing a nice thing for your husband as he would be able to spend time with his child on Xmas day who is normally flown out the country?

I can’t see what the problem is there? He needs to get on with his ex if they have a child together, isn’t that standard?

No I wouldn’t go.

I have no issue with ex’s and ILs staying close after a split, but there is a limit. My ex ILs would never invite me to an event that eXH was at even though we have a fantastic relationship, and tbh it would never occur to me to go even if they did.

SIL said her reason to invite EX was she thought DH could kick off due to his mental health

Is this likely? Is your DH violent?

Ohhh your saying you DH would have the child half of Xmas anyway and your sil has invited the ex on his time?

That’s horrible! If you husband doesn’t want to go I wouldn’t blame him and support him in what he decides.

That's pretty nasty of her, I wouldn't be going, if she wants to choose her brothers ex over him , leave her to it but don't entertain the idea of being forced to spend Christmas Day with someone who makes you both uncomfortable

What a bitch. Another vote here for not going

She’s a dick. One of those people who think they know what’s best for other people based on fuck all reasoning are unbearable.

Stay at home, tell her to do one, and have a happy cosy day at home with your new baby. Her loss, not yours.

It does seem strange that SIL would invite Ex if she knows how bitter the relationship is. Who wants to spend Christmas with a split couple who don't get along? The atmosphere will be so uncomfortable...

It's an odd choice, but if you or your husband have spoken to her and she's insistent, you can always decide not to go. She must not have a great relationship with her brother, to do something like this...

I'm confused about the situation.

So DH's child is usually away with his mum for Christmas but this year they'll be home?

Was DH going to have his child for the day leaving SIL on her own?

Is DH likely to 'kick off' whatever that means? Surely if he doesn't get on with ex that will cause an issue more than if she wasn't there?

I'm a bit baffled but either way unfortunately SIL can invite whomever she chooses to her own house. I wouldn't even give her the drama she's clearly craving.

Text her and tell her you'll be spending Christmas at home so not to buy an extra turkey or whatever. Don't give her the satisfaction of kicking off!

So I am in agreement with DH not to go, and glad I'm not being U about it.

No nothing to do with seeing DHs DS as he was going to be with us half of Christmas day.

They are amicable but he doesn't want to spend Christmas day with her, it also puts us over 3 households.

Yrah she's a cow... I wouldn't go

Please don’t go. She’s bloody horrible.

I wouldn't go. Have a nice Christmas at home with the 3 of you.

There's no way on this earth I'd go

He's not violent at all. By kicked off I meant get into a fit of rage, he hasn't done since he was a teen & he's now 35. I think she was just thinking of excuses tbh.
SIL will be with her husband, 3 DSs & PIL for Christmas

Couldnt pay me to go!

No, I would not go. Decline the invitation.

@Doozy1991

He's not violent at all. By kicked off I meant get into a fit of rage, he hasn't done since he was a teen & he's now 35. I think she was just thinking of excuses tbh. SIL will be with her husband, 3 DSs & PIL for Christmas

Nothing she's saying makes any sense, does it?

Does she just dislike your dh? Or you?! I can't understand why she's doing it.

If you've been going for years, why is she suddenly worried about DH's behaviour now? Because of his crisis months ago? That sounds like bullshit.

She's being quite cruel, I think.

There's not much consideration from either side on what the son would like.

Lovely messages..the "horrible shit stirring bitch cow" who has hosted OP and her family (including what sounds like a hard work brother) for YEARS for Xmas, who was going to host them yet again. Yep, worst person alive.

OP, did it ever occur to you to have her over for Xmas?

@onlythepianoplayer

Lovely messages..the "horrible shit stirring bitch cow" who has hosted OP and her family (including what sounds like a hard work brother) for YEARS for Xmas, who was going to host them yet again. Yep, worst person alive.

OP, did it ever occur to you to have her over for Xmas?

You're just going to ignore the rest of her behaviour then? Weird but ok.