To hope these parents are ashamed of their boys tonight?

[Dilbertian]

Today my Y9 ds was taunted by boys making the Nazi salute at him. This, after a couple of weeks of 'Dirty Jew'.

If these are your sons, is this what you want for them? Is this the attitude you would like them to have to their fellow human beings? Do you feel proud of them? Would you like them to be treated this way? What are you saying to them tonight? What do you think the Head of Year should say to them tomorrow?

What do you think your sons should do next?

Or maybe - meh, it's just bantz, boys will be boys.

The school at which I am a governor has had to deal wth a similar incidentthis term. The school has a legal responsibilty to report the incident to the LA and at our school the boys have had to participate in an educational programme and their parents (who were by allaccounts horrified by their behaviour) were also fully involved. This was dealt with by a member of the SLT, not he HoY.

Revolting and vile behaviour by these boys. Nothing "bantz" about it.

However: I am seeing this through a very long lens, OP, through which Year 9 children seem very young.

With that in mind:

1. What is your son's school's policy on bullying/complaints? You need to follow this to the letter.

My DC's schools all had very clear bullying/complaints procedures. Normally form tutor, then Head of Year, then Head. You get the best results from schools if you follow the procedure. But make it clear that you want immediate action (not woolly words), otherwise you will escalate it.

1. Give them a couple of days to work out how to discipline the offenders. They need to explain to you in writing what they are doing.

1. If you are not satisfied, you then take it to the next staff member in the food chain (I only know how this works at my DC's former schools; yours may be different, so I won't make suggestions which might not be relevant).

1. If the next staff member doesn't come up with anything satisfactory, escalate again. This takes patience, but will bear fruit.

1. I completely disagree with those saying "go to the Police". It's all very well saying that, but the police really have got far too much to deal with, and this would just be a box-ticking exercise for them. What you actually want is for your son not to be on the receiving end of vile racism. That is what actually matters. School is the only way to achieve this.

As for how the boys' parents would feel: I don't know, is the answer. My DD was on the receiving end of some unspeakably vile mysogynistic bullying when she was at school. One of the perpetrators was a "lovely boy" whom we had known since he was a toddler. His mum was absolutely horrified when the school told her. I found it almost equally hard to believe.

But then there is peer pressure, and hormones, and all sorts of teenage stuff swirling around. Sometimes perfectly nice children are capable of appalling things, especially when they get together. This absolutely doesn't mean that 'boys will be boys' or any such shit. It's just that from my 'now' perspective, Year 9 now seems like a year when children are developing, are desperate to conform, say and do really, really vile things just to be part of a group - when they would never say or do these things on their own.

Of course, the children you are talking about could simply be very, very badly brought up and have already been set on a very sad course which means they will have very unhappy and disjointed adult lives.

Whatever the case, I really would counsel that you approach the school first.

As for whoever it was that said they called their six-year old "Bully" for several days: this makes me feel quite sick.

School then police. Actually I think I'd ask the police' advice first. This is a serious situation, a racial hate crime.

@user8888

It's disgusting of those boys but I will go against the grain here.

If your son starts reporting to the teachers the taunting will get worse.

He would do best to avoid these cretins as much as possible. He should also be taking self-defence classes if he doesn't feel able to protect himself.

The world is full of bad people and a lot of them don't give a shit whether you report them or not.

What a shitty attitude. I hope that's not what you'd say to your kids if they were being racially abused. Where does that stop? Oh you were raped but it's for the best if you keep your head down so you don't antagonise them into doing it twice?

Fucking hell.

@Thespidersweb

I hope the school come down heavy on them and even the police. However it’s only ever on MN and articles about Labour that I hear of antisemitism. In real life I’ve never ever come across it.

Are you Jewish?!?!

If not perhaps that might be why you’ve never witnessed or experienced anti semitism.

No child should have to feel less than. How dare anyone treat him that way, much less his peers. You are well within your rights to go apeshit and I definitely would. Hope your ds is OK.

Just reading this post has given me the rage.

I’ve heard this sort of behaviour is worst amongst immigrant children, which is worse as you would think they themselves have faced discrimination in their young lifes, so would be more inclined to have empathy for other races and religions. Intolerance against Jews is rife in a lot of Eastern European countries.

Fucking hell - any excuse to be racist, eh?

It should not be solely for the school to deal with, it should be the police as well.

I am not sure what insults my great uncle and great aunt's children had to put up at school, if at all. I never had the opportunity to ask them, as they died in a Nazi concentration camp.

oh and pp complaining the OP isn't here: it's the first night of Hanukah, she's probably doing better things.

As for whoever it was that said they called their six-year old "Bully" for several days: this makes me feel quite sick.

Why? He had humiliated and upset another child repeatedly and daily calling him horrible names. He needed to understand how that boy felt. As I mentioned further on my own DD ended up self harming because of bullies. I will not accept that from any of my DC. The softly softly approach doesn't always work

Not banter - horrible! If I was the head I would try to re-educate those boys by explaining to them the history of hate against Jews. I think suspending them could have the effect of ramping up their bigotry.
So sorry your ds has to put up with this. Good he reported it.

EssexCat no I’m not Jewish. But I’m not black, Indian, Asian or Eastern European either and I’ve witnessed a lot of it directed towards them.

But it’s probably where I live to be honest. I wasn’t denying that it happens as obviously people don’t lie about it. Just that the only places I see it talked about is where I stated earlier.

I'd be furious and utterly mortified. The DC in question would be doing litter picking in the streets around the local synagogue for the next month.

@Thespidersweb

I hope the school come down heavy on them and even the police. However it’s only ever on MN and articles about Labour that I hear of antisemitism. In real life I’ve never ever come across it.

Come to my neck of the woods. You'll see it every day. Aren't you lucky to live in a bubble.

@PhineasRedux

For point 5, my police advice was based on experience - the school only started to actively take proper steps to stop the abuse and bullying once they knew the police had been involved and it had been recorded. I know of others (through my experience) who have ended up having to take similar action as it seems it’s not uncommon that schools prefer to insist they could not possibly have this type of problem, no matter how high it goes it the school food chain. Taking it out of their hands forces them to take it seriously and act.

The school will punish the boys with internal exclusion, which will include some form of Holocaust education.

This is not the first anti-Semitic incident my dc have had to deal with at school. I reported every one I knew of at the time (some more came to light this evening).

I do not want these boys expelled. All they'd take from that is 'Yids got me expelled'. I want them educated. I want them horrified by the depths of depravity to which people can sink. I want them to make a personal commitment to themselves never to become like that.

Internal exclusion sounds very mild, that is race-based bullying and is horrible.

Report to the police 100%

@Thespidersweb It is scarily commonplace. It needs to be discussed more, because otherwise people underestimate its weight and nature of its spread. For example, I doubt we would have MNers troll hunting an Asian person complaining of racism (and nor should they!) but on this thread we have people doing it to a Jewish parent. It’s the microaggressions that create environments where anti semitism can build and become ingrained in communities. So many threads on anti semitism immediately attract deniers. It’s racism, it’s unacceptable in British society, and we owe it to future generations to robustly stamp it out now.

I’m so sorry your son had to experience such hateful antisemitism
@Thespidersweb you’re being wilfully obtuse, and the faux denial of antisemitism as something other, something remote, something in the press or debated by Labour Party
A measure of one’s humanity & empathy is how we react and respond to injustice and prejudice. Even if we are not directly the target

Absolutely appalling give him lots of hugs and hope the school sorts it out.

The school will punish the boys with internal exclusion, which will include some form of Holocaust education.

Par for the course. Bloody no. They know what they are saying. They’re 13/14.

@EmmaWithTheGreatHair

This is absolutely appalling and really should be reported.

I’m going through similar but my son doesn’t want me to report, words he’s been called a “retard” “weird” “gay” pushed about, his belongings pinched. Y9 here too.

We have talked to pastoral care and they are helping but Ds is adamant he doesn’t want to take it further, tells me he ignores and can deal with it.

He is struggling though.

It’s a catch 22 in our case. I’m hoping ignoring will diffuse the situation.

@EmmaWithTheGreatHair Yes, that's how all my dc have felt about it, too. It's a really tough situation. (((Hugs))) to your boy. Just facing it is brave.