Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hope these parents are ashamed of their boys tonight?

290 replies

Dilbertian · 10/12/2020 18:32

Today my Y9 ds was taunted by boys making the Nazi salute at him. This, after a couple of weeks of 'Dirty Jew'.

If these are your sons, is this what you want for them? Is this the attitude you would like them to have to their fellow human beings? Do you feel proud of them? Would you like them to be treated this way? What are you saying to them tonight? What do you think the Head of Year should say to them tomorrow?

What do you think your sons should do next?

Or maybe - meh, it's just bantz, boys will be boys.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 10/12/2020 20:26

ambassador?! At this! I'm blaming that on the phone!

randomer · 10/12/2020 20:29

Where has this happened please? And today of all days.

fantasmasgoria1 · 10/12/2020 20:30

If an adult were doing this they would be arrested. I think you should report it to the police as well as the school!

scentedgeranium · 10/12/2020 20:30

Report to the school Nd report to the police.
Make sure school knows you've taken that action.
Where is this school?

Livelovebehappy · 10/12/2020 20:31

I’ve heard this sort of behaviour is worst amongst immigrant children, which is worse as you would think they themselves have faced discrimination in their young lifes, so would be more inclined to have empathy for other races and religions. Intolerance against Jews is rife in a lot of Eastern European countries.

AnneElliott · 10/12/2020 20:35

This is disgraceful op. Like all other parents on this thread I would be horrified this was my son - he'd be too scared to come home and would want the police to deal with him.

I agree you should report it. Schools are notoriously shit at dealing with bullying and having it reported as a crime will help them take it seriously.

AudTheDeepAndCrispAndEven · 10/12/2020 20:36

I would be reporting to the police and requesting that the boys be made to watch the videos of the liberation of the concentration camps, disgraceful behaviour.

DrunkenKoala · 10/12/2020 20:38

Make these boys known to police. I’d bypass the school and go straight to the police (that’s no disrespect to the school I just believe that the police need to know who these boys are and what is going on)

In my experience ignoring just makes it worse. This needs to dealt with head on.

I’m so sorry that your DS and family are having to deal with this.

RubyFakeLips · 10/12/2020 20:40

@Thespidersweb

I hope the school come down heavy on them and even the police. However it’s only ever on MN and articles about Labour that I hear of antisemitism. In real life I’ve never ever come across it.
I doubt this was your intention but this is grossly offensive. Completely minimising the issue. The OP is specifically describing anti-semitic behaviour and you're keen to highlight you've never come across it? Why? What does this achieve because it implied you think she's making it up.

I'm not sure if you're Jewish, if so, you've had a rarefied experience in comparison to every other Jew I've encountered. I'm not 'overtly' jewish, meaning I get to often hear what people really think about Jews. Anti-semitism is rife and has been here at least since my childhood.

Personally, I would consider moving your son to another school. Do you live where there is a larger jewish population? If that isn't present in your school I would maybe move him. I wouldn't want this issue to even be a factor in his life yet regardless of how these boys are dealt with.

fullofhope100 · 10/12/2020 20:41

@TheFormerPorpentinaScamander

I'd be horrified if it were my sons. I'd expect them to be suspended, and they'd be losing all privileges at home too. Except maybe being allowed to watch TV and see some Holocaust footage!

I hope your ds is ok Flowers

THIS. Angry Sad
LH1987 · 10/12/2020 20:41

Disgusting behaviour, school should contact the police! I’m sorry your son had to experience that. It makes me really sad.

ekidmxcl · 10/12/2020 20:42

OP, I am sorry to tell you this but IME, parents of children who behave in this manner give absolutely zero fucks. My DS was bullied for years and the most shocking thing about it was the the parents of the bully denied everything! It was later proved to be true as child witnesses submitted written statements at the request of the school. The school knew it was all true so that’s why they went to these lengths to prove it. Often, children who bully do so because that’s their family’s way of life. Most probably they would laugh at their DSes calling your DS that name.

ancientgran · 10/12/2020 20:42

I'd go to the police. Can't tolerate that sort of thing. I hope your son is coping OK, no kid should have to put up with it.

Anurulz · 10/12/2020 20:42

If my child ever behaved like this, he wouldn't know what the world looked like till he was 50 coz he would be grounded till then. Or dragged to the police by my own hands. It's absolutely atrocious. This is a hate crime, no doubt about this. This needs reporting and I wouldn't back down until there was action taken appropriately.

Elderflower14 · 10/12/2020 20:44

[quote Decemberdaily]@elderflower14 all the schools in the Jewish community near where I live in Manchester have security guards. And the nurseries.[/quote]
That's so sad.... The museum was a real eye opener.....

catsrus · 10/12/2020 20:44

@Thespidersweb - if you mix with decent people, and are not Jewish yourself, or have close Jewish friends, then I quite understand that you might genuinely have never come across Antisemitism in RL.

But it does exist, and is far too prevalent. One example that brought it home to me. A good friend had cancer, she was being treated at the Homerton hospital in London. Because of chemo hair loss she was wearing a head covering, one of those stretchy but nice looking hat/scarf things. She'd treated herself to a few.

She was sitting in the garden courtyard area and a couple sitting near her started making the most awful antisemitic remarks, loudly and pointedly. She said she was shocked that anyone would do that in a public place where they would be overheard - until she suddenly realised that she was meant to overhear - that the remarks were aimed at her - they thought she was from the local orthodox Jewish community, because of the head covering. It shook her to the core and she felt guilty that she hadn't challenged them, but she was weak from chemo (which is why she was in there) and died a few months later.

She was not naive about prejudice and hate crimes, she had mixed-race children, but she had no direct experience of antisemitism until that point.

IMO Most women have experienced, and can spot, sexism and misogyny, most people of colour have experienced, and can spot, racism, most jews have experienced, and can spot, antisemitism.

sometimes it's overt and targeted, like the awful experience of @Dilbertian's DS, sometimes it's more "subtle" but it's all real and very toxic.

Demitri · 10/12/2020 20:46

@Thespidersweb

I hope the school come down heavy on them and even the police. However it’s only ever on MN and articles about Labour that I hear of antisemitism. In real life I’ve never ever come across it.
Absolutely awful that people still come out with things like this.

Just because you’ve never come across it doesn’t mean it’s not happening.

kattekitt · 10/12/2020 20:47

Report to the head teacher and also let them know you will be informing the Police, this behavior is not ok. I’m so sorry that a minority people think it is

LuaDipa · 10/12/2020 20:47

I’m so sorry that this has happened to your ds. I hope that I have raised my own ds better than this, but if he were to say such things I would be disappointed and very ashamed. This isn’t just ‘bantz’ and will be taken seriously.

Lampzade · 10/12/2020 20:48

I would go to the police

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 10/12/2020 20:51

I am really sorry that this has happened to your son and I hope school down hard on the culprits. If they don't then police although hopefully the school will involve the police themselves.

Can I also ask that parents have a quick read of this too? It highlights how memes are used to introduce white supremacy and that anti-Semitic memes are part of this.

www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/on-parenting/do-you-have-white-teenage-sons-listen-up-how-white-supremacists-are-recruiting-boys-online/2019/09/17/f081e806-d3d5-11e9-9343-40db57cf6abd_story.html

Gigipixiz · 10/12/2020 20:52

As a head of year I would absolutely expect an exclusion for a significant period. I would also have a meeting with all their parents individually which the head and chair of governors would attend and those students and parents would be told of the policies and consequences for any further comments of this kind. I would inform our local authority and log with dsl and flag with prevent team. I would also be referring them to the local early intervention police and community team. This is exactly what I did (minus prevent) with a child recently who was making repeated and targeted homophobic comments towards another student. Parents initially tried to support their child saying it was just banter but I take a zero tolerance approach to this and my year know this. I have also offered some sessions on respect and empathy and will work 1-1 with this during his after school detentions.

billy1966 · 10/12/2020 20:52

Appalling.
What some children have to put up with.

The police.
Then the school.
I really can't believe the shit some people put up with.
My children's school have sent kids home for short haircuts and the wrong shoes.

This is so serious.
Your poor boy.
So sorry for him.

Sickofbroccoli · 10/12/2020 20:55

If your son has reported it to the school and you think they’ll treat it seriously, I’d be on to them tomorrow morning asking what they intend to do about it - and reporting myself if their response is wishywashy.

If you don’t think they’ll take it seriously, and IME schools often don’t treat antisemitism as seriously as they treat other forms of racism, I’d report it to the police myself tonight and take it out of their hands.

MrsSiba · 10/12/2020 20:56

This is disgusting, I'm so sorry to hear your son has faced this.
I agree with pp, report to the police and let school know rather than waiting for school to escalate it. It should be taken seriously now.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.