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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hope these parents are ashamed of their boys tonight?

290 replies

Dilbertian · 10/12/2020 18:32

Today my Y9 ds was taunted by boys making the Nazi salute at him. This, after a couple of weeks of 'Dirty Jew'.

If these are your sons, is this what you want for them? Is this the attitude you would like them to have to their fellow human beings? Do you feel proud of them? Would you like them to be treated this way? What are you saying to them tonight? What do you think the Head of Year should say to them tomorrow?

What do you think your sons should do next?

Or maybe - meh, it's just bantz, boys will be boys.

OP posts:
TizzDeSeason · 10/12/2020 19:55

I would be furious, disgusted and ashamed if these were my sons. Your poor boy Sad.

Where are they getting this language from? Deeply concerning. I think police involvement is probably called for here. They need to know how serious this is and that they have committed a crime.

Bluepolkadots42 · 10/12/2020 19:56

Hate crime and you can independently report it to the police. The school are unlikely to do so IME.
If this took place in school then those children should be home excluded for a period of time- and that will remain on their permanent school record along with the reason why and so when they apply to college/6th form they will have to declare they are anti-semitic little pricks. Majority of decent colleges/6th forms won't want to touch that with a barge pole...

RubyViolet · 10/12/2020 20:00

@Dilbertian

Today my Y9 ds was taunted by boys making the Nazi salute at him. This, after a couple of weeks of 'Dirty Jew'.

If these are your sons, is this what you want for them? Is this the attitude you would like them to have to their fellow human beings? Do you feel proud of them? Would you like them to be treated this way? What are you saying to them tonight? What do you think the Head of Year should say to them tomorrow?

What do you think your sons should do next?

Or maybe - meh, it's just bantz, boys will be boys.

My thoughts are with you and your son. I hope the boys are dealt with. If the school give you 1 second of doubt call the Police. It’s a hate crime.
Cam2020 · 10/12/2020 20:00

WTF, how awful. Definitely report the shits to both the school and police.

Namerchanger42 · 10/12/2020 20:03

If this was one of my boys I be making sure they gave a full apology at school to your son, loss of lunch times / break times for a week, and punishment at home like loss of x box for a time. I round also be doing spot checking his phone for racist messages on apps.

Catsrus · 10/12/2020 20:04

@MEgirl

Report it to the police, the headteacher and to the CST. My boys were anti-semitically attacked a few years ago by students from another local school and the police took it very seriously.
I agree with contacting CST (as well as the head) - they will be able to help your son develop resilience and strategies for handling things like this.

I wish it wasn't necessary Angry

cst.org.uk/youth-students/youth-streetwise

LabradorGalore · 10/12/2020 20:04

I’m so sorry your DS has experienced this OP.
It’s beyond disgusting and I really would push you to escalate reports to the police. Are you due to discuss it with the school at any point?

As a parent I would be horrified if a child of mine behaved like that - it would be severe punishments. I suspect that all the boys involved don’t have parents that would support it, and hopefully they would support any action the police and school would wish to make. Boys this age often behave differently when in a group and often when their behaviour is uncovered to their parents it is shock the parents feel. Boys this age often egg each other on to behave appallingly.
Anti-Semitic insults are a crime and if the school were decent they should at the very least exclude these children and give a talk about how seriously anti-semitism is. Possibly a history lesson on the suffering of the Jewish people.

I’m so sorry he’s experienced such hatred.Flowers

ElsieMc · 10/12/2020 20:05

My gs2 in secondary school kept quiet about being bullied. He is mixed race and this has been leapt upon. By the time I found out, when he came back to the car with a bleeding nose and black eyes, it was well established.

He had been pushed into the mud and forced face down into it, had been strangled, had been pushed down the staircase and stone steps whilst being called the n-word. I accepted his explanations when he came home each day covered in mud. How stupid was I. His friends turned on him to protect themselves and this was more painful for him than the attacks.

HOY was okay but the Head was absolutely terrible. The punishment was 3 days exclusion. She only excluded on the black eyes and bleeding nose. When I met with her she claimed she didnt know about the rest. She damn well did. When I said I wasn't satisfied with her actions, she lost the plot with me. The only thing I can say, as a grandparent carer with experience of schools from bringing up two families, was that I knew in my heart she would not last much longer in post. And I was right.

Our matter was never even treated as a race issue. Schools will wiggle and squirm to avoid this particularly in an area such as ours where pupil majority is white british.

Op, I am so sorry for your ds. Sadly, often bullies and haters like these are products of their parents' attitudes. I do hope you get it resolved. If the school cannot deal with this, then I think you need to contact the LEA and ask them to assist you make a move.

GabsAlot · 10/12/2020 20:07

@Thespidersweb

I hope the school come down heavy on them and even the police. However it’s only ever on MN and articles about Labour that I hear of antisemitism. In real life I’ve never ever come across it.
bully for you

i had this shit in the 80's and noone gave a shit then

purplerainox · 10/12/2020 20:07

That's awful. The thing is, these kids probably don't even know what they're saying because they're clearly uneducated cowards and are merely just picking on your son because they have nothing else better to do! It's completely wrong and I hope you report it and that you're serious when talking to the head so they also take it serious and hopefully will suspend them! I hope they make an example of those boys. No one should feel how your son has felt these past few weeks! Bullying is so wrong I do hope the school has zero tolerance when it comes to bullying!

BillMasen · 10/12/2020 20:08

@user8888

Maybe they don't care about the police or is they get expelled???

I know I am the only one who went against the grain here.

I am not trying to upset anyone. I wasn't even sure if this post was real and or someone just trying to drum up MN indignation?

It's because I have dealings with special needs support groups and many of the young SN people get bullied at school. Their advice from years of experience is to ignore as long as possible and only report when it gets physical. Otherwise it gets worse. Every single time.

Fine, nobody believe me. See how much the police protect you, eh? Which usually isn't much from what I have seen.

But what you are advocating here is ignoring anti Semitic abuse. It’s a hate crime and you’re saying the best thing is to let it happen and put the onus back on the victim to cope.

I hope you have a little think about why you’re the only one advocating this

Thespidersweb · 10/12/2020 20:08

GabsAlot no need for the arsey comment.

sergeilavrov · 10/12/2020 20:09

Anti semitism has gotten worse and worse in the UK I’ve the past five years in particular. I’m so sorry this is happening to your son, please call the police and warn others - these children have gone through enough history lessons to understand precisely what they are doing. Should be permanently excluded, they deserve the shadow of their hatred to follow them.

murbblurb · 10/12/2020 20:09

with 'only' 300,000 Jews in the UK it is not surprising that many on MN won't have come across anti-semitism; but it is always there.

report, OP. These boys are old enough to know what they are doing and old enough to take official punishment. They will have learned it from Mummy and Daddy so it must be taken out of their hands.

my best to your son. Normal people do not behave like this and it is not acceptable under British law.

GlowingOrb · 10/12/2020 20:12

If my child were in this group, I would hope someone would tell me because this is not the type of person we want to raise in our family. Punishment would be harsh.

AuntyPasta · 10/12/2020 20:14

’no need for the arsey comment.’

I think there’s every need for it. Just because you choose to ignore it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

www.thesun.co.uk/news/6563367/graves-destroyed-jewish-cemetery-headstones-urmston-greater-manchester/

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/jewish-cemetery-vandalised-whitefield-bury-attack-hate-crime-greater-manchester-a8772686.html

Elderflower14 · 10/12/2020 20:16

Oh OP I'm so sorry for your poor boy... Please report... I know there is a lot of anti semitism but it was brought sharply into focus when I visited the Jewish Museum in Vienna and there was security on the door... 😔 😔 😔

GabsAlot · 10/12/2020 20:21

[quote AuntyPasta]’no need for the arsey comment.’

I think there’s every need for it. Just because you choose to ignore it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

www.thesun.co.uk/news/6563367/graves-destroyed-jewish-cemetery-headstones-urmston-greater-manchester/

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/jewish-cemetery-vandalised-whitefield-bury-attack-hate-crime-greater-manchester-a8772686.html[/quote]
thankyou

diavlo · 10/12/2020 20:22

I would be incandescent with rage if any of the little Croats were mine!! Absolutely disgusting and I hope the schools takes an extremely hard line with them!!
Hugs to your boy.

Decemberdaily · 10/12/2020 20:22

@elderflower14 all the schools in the Jewish community near where I live in Manchester have security guards. And the nurseries.

MichelleScarn · 10/12/2020 20:24

@Thespidersweb

GabsAlot no need for the arsey comment.
@Thespidersweb @GabsAlot s comment was significantly restrained in response to your denial of anti--sematisim in the UK. Appalled by you and your However it’s only ever on MN and articles about Labour that I hear of antisemitism. In real life I’ve never ever come across it. ODFOD
IdblowJonSnow · 10/12/2020 20:24

I would contact the police yourself and tell the school you've done so. If the school dont come down on them like a ton of shit then I'd escalate to governors/LA.

You dont have to put up with this and nor should you.

If that was my child they'd be grounded forever and I'd be fucking mortified.

Sorry this happened.

Decemberdaily · 10/12/2020 20:25

@dilbertian I'm so sorry, that's absolutely awful 😞

MichelleScarn · 10/12/2020 20:25

And my irateness ambassador led to misspelling but i hope I've still made sense!

merrygoround51 · 10/12/2020 20:26

Well it hate speech isn’t it. If I didn’t get any joy from the school then I would go to the police and I would move schools. The boys may not get what the deserve but your son should not have to live with that

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