To Think My Parents Have No Idea What Life Is Really Like?

[GreenlandTheMovie]

for most people?

DM was a teacher, DF some kind of computer repair engineer but took early retirement at 50. Yes, 50. Never worked again. Both on final salary pension schemes.

They were moaning this week about how "poor" they are, because their pensions don't entitle them to more than index-linked increases to keep up with inflation, unlike people in salaried jobs who can get actual pay rises (I haven't had much of a pay rise in the last decade but theres no telling them). Apparently, they don't have enough money to "do the things they want" without using their savings.

The "things they want to do" include having a large holiday home in France where they normally decamp 6 months of the year, having a Carribbean cruise and a holiday to China last year, similar holidays in previous years, and running their 5 bedroom house. They have a nearly new luxury motorhome and 2 cars. They have also benefitted from 2 large inheritances from relatives dying.

Theres no telling them - apparently, life is very unfair and hard on pensioners like them and retiring at 50 is not at all unreasonable because of the way the company was run.

I am well aware how tough it is for those just staring out. I have two 20+ not long graduated DC myself. The OP is not of that generation.

@Plussizejumpsuit, I seem to remember from my friends in the 1970s that life in the cultural sector/drama/freelance was precarious even then, Don't kid yourself, and don't let your children think it for a minute, a creative life and occupation means needing a trade skill to fill in the gaps. DS is studying TV at uni right now, but he's also a skilled chef, with two years experience in a five star kitchen. He might never be highly paid in a TV job, but he will always make a living.

A friend, an actress and dancer who was quite successful, said her dad worked as a driving instructor in between acting jobs to keep the family fed and housed. Few people following creative professions can afford to be precious about what they do when there's no paying gig on offer.

My mum and step-dad are quite well off, but I don't think they are like that at all really. Step-dad is a GP and has only just started to wind down his practice but has always been pretty aware of people's financial struggles. Mum is sometimes more likely to have an out of touch moment but is also quite empathetic.

But OP, your parents sound completely clueless. Who thinks they should get raises on a pension?

Ugh sounds like my late in laws. MIL gave up work on marriage in 1953. FIL had a very well paid public sector job. They inherited their first house so basically never had a mortgage. FIL retired at 59 and they went on lots of holidays but always cried the poor tale. I was so worried at one point that I offered to see if they were entitled to any benefits. They gleefully agreed to this. More fool me. Their pension was more than mine and DH's combined salary. (This is the late 80s). And a lot of savings. Needless to say they moaned that they weren't entitled to anything. I went VLC with them when, in the days before mobiles, we were at theirs and I was anxious to check up on a friend who had been a victim of domestic violence, physical and sexual assault. FIL made such a fucking fuss about the cost of me being on the phone for 5 minutes, hovering over me during what was an awful, emotional phone call, that when I hung up I lost it, and cleared out my pockets saying "here, I'll pay for it". There was about £5 there. The worst thing? He fucking pocketed it.

It is very hard to compare generations even to compare my London lawyer daughter and me - same career, same city, 22 years apart.

The original post is parents who seem to have it fairly good now whereas my father worked full time as a doctor until age 77 and died at 79. My mother died at 75. They could not have children for about 10 years after they married as needed 2 full time professional wages in the 1950s to buy a house etc.

Also people only know what they have. When my twins went out today to a coffee shop I remarked I will pay for this but do I really pay for that kind f outing as it is something rich people do - get a coffee from a coffee shop every day (I jsut about never eat out and that kind of thing) . However they are where they are. I put them in this fairly well off environment.

Yet I was pleased one was just saying he has started turning off the lights at home at university now they have the electricity on a top up card meter thing that others leave on as he realises how much money it uses up (I have been turning lights off in this house for years that people leave on)

The mortgage on our two bed terraced house (plus associated insurance and council tax) came to my entire monthly salary

Mine only covered the mortgage. Same year.

ChestnutStuffing But OP, your parents sound completely clueless. Who thinks they should get raises on a pension?

I know! I was actually speechless but wish I'd said something. She actually thinks its unfair that pensioners don't get pension rises instead of increases in line with inflation!

I don't say anything, because I think I don't see them that often, so I might as well make visits pleasant. I would see them more often if they were a bit...nicer!

DM actually said that they were so poor that if they weren't pensioners they would be on benefits with their income. I felt like saying well people on benefits don't have holiday homes in France or take 2 exotic holidays a year or run 3 vehicles...its really unbelievable that they think that equates to a life on benefits.

I love my parents. My dad did work hard - my dad worked his way up in a job he didn't especially like from his early 20s to retiring at 52 with a very hefty pension. He does recognise he was lucky and this just wouldn't be available now, but I do recall them being in negative equity in my childhood and the worry they were under, so things were not perfect for them either.

I do have slightly less sympathy for my mum (and MIL), who each worked just a couple of years before and after children and who think the whole reason children suffer food poverty is all about the fact their parents cannot budget and cook from scratch properly. The reality of struggling on little money as a working parent and living in circumstances in which you barely have time at home, let alone facilities to prepare a meal, doesn't really compute to them.

(Equally, and contrary to the OP's father, I am not hugely keen on the parental chat about how damaging putting your child into any form of childcare to be a working mother is (thanks Dad!). I have a great deal of respect for SAHMs - I was raised by one - but it would be nice if he might recognise that for many this is not a choice on offer and/or might focus on his pride at having raised a daughter who has secured her own financial independence, rather than majoring on my "lack of sacrifice" as a mother!!)

• Who on earth can afford to retire from an ordinary job at 50 now?

most would struggle even if on 6 figures.* 

Until recently, fire services police and military services could all retire at 50 , on generous index linked pensions. The pensions may have changed but as far as I know, retire at 50 is still an option.

I think the police has changed but I did say most.

My parents were never like this. Both worked until normal retirement age and actually my dad worked a year more before being diagnosed with cancer at which point they basically forced his retirement due to how ill he was. He passed away a couple of years later so no enjoying retirement for him and mum had a crap pension.

I have a much better standard of living than they ever did thanks to the opportunities of education afforded to my generation.

Ignore the annoying, out of touch boomers. Those who are well informed, who have some critical thinking skills and intelligence know things are harder.

My parents were a teacher / middle manager civil servant. They know they wouldn't be living in a lovely 5 bedroom detached house in a leafy area in those jobs now, they'd be in a 3 bed semi in a rougher part of town. They know it's a generational perk and they're sad my generation and their grandkids won't have it as easy. They have been frugal and they want their offspring to inherit what they have.

@justgeton

Interest rates of 15% in the 1980s wasn't much fun for us oldies who have paid off their mortgages.

We didn't have any free childcare either...

Just to balance things a little...

Yes, those friendly 16% mortgages - they were easy - NOT, and the only childcare you got was one you swapped with your mate so on your days off you had her two to look after!!

Why do so many posters say don't generalise with regards to elder generations but then generalise about the younger ones?

So their circumstances are different to yours they may well be concerned about the future. Why so dismissive? You sound rather jealous

justgeton Tue 08-Dec-20 17:32:03
Interest rates of 15% in the 1980s wasn't much fun for us oldies who have paid off their mortgages.

We didn't have any free childcare either...

Just to balance things a little...

'We didn't have..'. What you DID have was 1) 'mortgage interest tax relief'....which you CONVENINETLY FORGET. In other words, the higher the interest rate, the MORE tax relief you got !
2) You talk about 15% interest rates. In 1980 inflation was 16.4% ! So, you were paying a lower interest rate, than the rate of inflation.....kerching !!

This thread makes me sad. My Dad got zero retirement and worked 80+ hours a week until he died at 71....Leaving my mum with nothing (he had nothing, they both lost out on pensions) and now she’s surviving on state pension but finally mortgage free after being forced to downsize due to a bad equity release deal. The only thing they had going for them prior to my Dad dying was that due to their hard, hard work, they were mortgage free. However their house needed work desperately so they stupidly took equity release. Then my Dad sadly died. Leaving my mum with no way of repaying it and so she was forced to sell. The equity release originally gave them £55k. When she finally sold the house, they took back 111k.......... Highest interest loan I’ve ever seen. They had initially planned to repay the 55k but of course my mum couldn’t without my Dad’s income as heartless as it sounds.
Now she’s in a smaller house having lost the home she loved and surviving on roughly £600 a month state pension. She barely eats after insurances, council tax & bills etc. I help her out as much as I can but I’m a lone parent and not well off. It’s heartbreaking. These proper (wealthy) boomers don’t have a clue....

@GaryTheDemon

15% on a vastly lower mortgage though. Yes, you pay a lower % now but on a hugely higher borrowing.

Yes, but when your mortgage of 60k was £900+ a month because of a 15% interest rate and I only earned £70 a week as a nursery assistant and my husband earned a bit better at £200 a week or maybe more with overtime, it was a bloody struggle so don't make it seem a walk in the park

And 'the mortgae interest tax relief ' you got ?

@wonkschops

Why do so many posters say don't generalise with regards to elder generations but then generalise about the younger ones?

THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YANBU. Generally speaking that generation have had it the easiest and best IMO.

And sorry to disappoint you but most married women with school aged kids did work.

Really?

"By 1996, less than half of mothers of pre-school age children in England were in employment. Today the figure is about two-thirds."

@grassisjeweled

What gets me is that they don't admit that they're lucky.

They never say : 'Yeah, we've had it good'. Ever.

You lie, biggly to quote DT. I've said how lucky we've been but I refuse to feel guilty about the situation, we had the high mortgage rates, albeit on a relatively cheap house, lower expectations, etc etc.

We arnt allowed to talk about the sickening wealth inequality in this country because it might upset some older people?

Very strange

Its hardly a secret that the post-war generations had it much better than those who came before and that standard has now massively dropped.

I guess they think it's fake news 🙄

@tanguero

And 'the mortgae interest tax relief ' you got ?

You omit the 'married man's allowance', let's really get the bile flowing!

• I can't wait to put my feet up after working all my life. 7 years to go and I'm going to enjoy moaning on about money too.

You will do the same and so will the generation after you!*

Will they, who's going to fund it?