To Think My Parents Have No Idea What Life Is Really Like?

[GreenlandTheMovie]

for most people?

DM was a teacher, DF some kind of computer repair engineer but took early retirement at 50. Yes, 50. Never worked again. Both on final salary pension schemes.

They were moaning this week about how "poor" they are, because their pensions don't entitle them to more than index-linked increases to keep up with inflation, unlike people in salaried jobs who can get actual pay rises (I haven't had much of a pay rise in the last decade but theres no telling them). Apparently, they don't have enough money to "do the things they want" without using their savings.

The "things they want to do" include having a large holiday home in France where they normally decamp 6 months of the year, having a Carribbean cruise and a holiday to China last year, similar holidays in previous years, and running their 5 bedroom house. They have a nearly new luxury motorhome and 2 cars. They have also benefitted from 2 large inheritances from relatives dying.

Theres no telling them - apparently, life is very unfair and hard on pensioners like them and retiring at 50 is not at all unreasonable because of the way the company was run.

It is very hard to compare generations even to compare my London lawyer daughter and me - same career, same city, 22 years apart.

The original post is parents who seem to have it fairly good now whereas my father worked full time as a doctor until age 77 and died at 79. My mother died at 75. They could not have children for about 10 years after they married as needed 2 full time professional wages in the 1950s to buy a house etc.

Also people only know what they have. When my twins went out today to a coffee shop I remarked I will pay for this but do I really pay for that kind f outing as it is something rich people do - get a coffee from a coffee shop every day (I jsut about never eat out and that kind of thing) . However they are where they are. I put them in this fairly well off environment.

Yet I was pleased one was just saying he has started turning off the lights at home at university now they have the electricity on a top up card meter thing that others leave on as he realises how much money it uses up (I have been turning lights off in this house for years that people leave on)

How depressing to think that they are living the kind of life that many can only dream of...and they feel sorry for themselves, bitter that others may be getting more than them. They sound completely vacuous and can only imagine that they surround themselves with equally vacuous people.

And you haven't in any way benefited from their comfortable lifestyle whilst growing up?

What an unpleasant thread .

High interest rates were very beneficial when it came to savings. That never gets mentioned.

OP, there are a lot of that generation who have no effing idea how lucky they are. My MIL worked a grand total of eight years of her life. She now has two houses valued at around €1.5 million between them, an annual income of more than €50,000 a year based on late FILs final salary pension, and she has other investments. She’s the first to whinge about benefit seekers who ‘never worked in their lives’

And then there’s my uncle who retired at 55 on an excellent pension. He’s spent the last 15 years dividing his time between his 3 houses.

TheCrowsHaveEyes I don't think this bitterness against your parents is helpful or healthy.

Really? I think its quite healthy, because I'm clearly not as materialistic or money-obsessed as they are and I'm capable of noticing their unhealthy attitude.

Have you told your parents that you don't want any inheritance? Just in case it means you can buy a holiday home and thereby lose touch with what you consider 'real' problems.

Are you actually joking? I and both DBs have had it drummed into us repeatedly that we won't be getting anything. DF in particular like to talk about spending it all so he won't leave anything.

But I don't know how many times I have to say this on here. I am not poor. I have a good job and a nice house. So do both DBs and their families. If I want to buy a holiday home, I am perfectly capable of financing it myself if I want one enough. I really couldn't give a fig. I just wish DPs would not stealth boast about money every single time I visit them and I do worry that are somewhat financially irresponsible (I haven't gone into full details but they make a lot of stupid decisions and have wasted thousands as a result) and I don't want to end up having to sort it out when they decide a holiday home in France is a burden and not a pleasure.

shiny And you haven't in any way benefited from their comfortable lifestyle whilst growing up?

They didn't have a "comfortable lifestyle" while I was growing up. It was basic, fish fingers for dinner, rough-ish local school, very average.
They had very ordinary jobs. DF in particular. Its only since they retired and received a couple of inheritances that they have been like this. Sorry, benefitted from their "savings".

For SarahClara, big financial gifts for babyboom generation are as rare as unicorn poo. DH and I, both born in 1956, have inherited the grand total of £3,400 from our grandparents; we received £0 towards property purchases, and have three living parents at 91, 87 and 85. We had our only child at 43, and are funding his university education right now. Don't get out the violins for us. We have saved money for our old age, and should be able to afford to eat for a few years yet.

In days gone by, I worked for a big American pension fund and the advice we used to give there is as true today as it ever was. Start saving for retirement as soon as you get your first job, even if it's not much, because every £/$ you save before you're 30 is worth at least double the £/$ you save after 40... when you retire at 67, which is my new retirement date.

@TheKeatingFive

High interest rates were very beneficial when it came to savings. That never gets mentioned.

OP, there are a lot of that generation who have no effing idea how lucky they are. My MIL worked a grand total of eight years of her life. She now has two houses valued at around €1.5 million between them, an annual income of more than €50,000 a year based on late FILs final salary pension, and she has other investments. She’s the first to whinge about benefit seekers who ‘never worked in their lives’

And then there’s my uncle who retired at 55 on an excellent pension. He’s spent the last 15 years dividing his time between his 3 houses.

Yes high interest rates were beneficial. If you had spare cash after paying your mortgage, keeping a rusty old banger on the road (needed for work), paying bills and putting food on the table. Young families tended to 'have more month than money'. It was the generation older who had the cash they could also splash the cash and buy shares when Maggie's lot sold off the family silver. So the boomers moaned about their own parents in a similar way to the OP. We were grown up though and certainly wouldn't have moaned about £50 cash for any birthday. It may not have been the OP who complained about that but a previous poster did.

Yes and my father died at 79 just as his life savings were exhausted - he had to spend £130k on at home dementia care in the last year of his life despite devoting his whole life to working full time as an NHS doctor.

Life is hard for every generation of people in most cases at some stage or another (not that many mumsnetters for example did what I did work until in labour, back at work full time when babies aged 2 weeks old - that kind of hard. I was not even entitled to 6 weeks at 90% of pay! Never mind losing money on property in London in the 1990s property crash.

Yes high interest rates were beneficial.

Well it was very beneficial when saving for a house deposit, for example.

It's an entirely different mindset. My dm retired in her 50s - didn't particularly want to, as she had quite an interesting part time job after years of SAHMing, but df was older & keen to move to the country. Although he then picked up quite a few well paid consultancies to supplement his pension, anyway.

Big house, multiple foreign holidays, generally lovely lifestyle.

I'm in a well paid job at 50. I love what I do & dread retiring, tbh, which is lucky as it's not going to be an option for another decade & a half. Retirement isn't a 'goal' for me, & it sounds boring as hell, but it's absolutely not going to be an option anyway!

Whereas my parents were completely thrilled to be in chill out garden pottering mode from pretty much my age. Dm would have liked to do another couple of years, but the notion of working into her mid 60s would have floored her completely. Absolutely unthinkable.

People who aren't materialistic don't care about their parents' wealth or holiday homes. They don't start threads about it. I find it odd that you can't see it but this entire thread shows an unhealthy preoccupation with disliking your parents; taking offence on behalf of everyone who interacts with them; and a focus on their wealth and possessions. What I can't decide is if your dislike of your parents is affecting how you interact with them about money or if your preoccupation with their finances is what fuels your dislike. . . it doesn't matter either way because you're determined to remain in this role you've carved for yourself even though it makes you unhappy.

Send them all downt pit! How dare they!

I can't wait to put my feet up after working all my life. 7 years to go and I'm going to enjoy moaning on about money too.

You will do the same and so will the generation after you!

Sounds to me like your just showing off
My mother is a matriarchal C:?t
my Children OMG my children
I never saw
My grandchildren taught me more
Than i could ever have hoped to see
Money is tight
Damm give me your life

People who aren't materialistic don't care about their parents' wealth or holiday homes.

I didn't really care about my retired mum having a large income and a 5 bedroomed house just for her, while I brought up my kids in a much smaller house. But when she complained about the amount of council tax she had to pay on her enormous house, I did tell her what I thought of her complaint!

@coconuttyhead

How depressing to think that they are living the kind of life that many can only dream of...and they feel sorry for themselves, bitter that others may be getting more than them. They sound completely vacuous and can only imagine that they surround themselves with equally vacuous people.

I agree. I'm so glad I'm not materialistic or get envious. I'm lucky that we aren't poor but not rich.

My Mum and Dad are retired with an okay but not brilliant income. They are content and never moan.

Regarding interest rates and it was a special occasion, I do recall genuine tears in the very repressed and formal workplace and despairing phone calls home when UK interest rates spiked during the ERM crisis. 'Well, what's the point?' 'We may as well hand the keys back'! 'Try not to cry, we'll cope'! It was fleeting compared with the sustained difficulties in house purchases in many areas on average earnings now but genuinely upsetting to hear.

@Zilla1

Regarding interest rates and it was a special occasion, I do recall genuine tears in the very repressed and formal workplace and despairing phone calls home when UK interest rates spiked during the ERM crisis. 'Well, what's the point?' 'We may as well hand the keys back'! 'Try not to cry, we'll cope'! It was fleeting compared with the sustained difficulties in house purchases in many areas on average earnings now but genuinely upsetting to hear.

Yep. I remember sitting in front of the TV when that rate hike was announced, and my DH and I looking at each other in sheer despair. We had young children by then, and honestly didn't know whether we would lose our home.

@TheKeatingFive

Yes high interest rates were beneficial.

Well it was very beneficial when saving for a house deposit, for example.

But like I said times were different. Banks and other institutions didn't (couldn't?) offer mortgages. You had to go cap in hand to the Building Society manager. If he (it always was a he) said no then you didn't get your mortgage. Only a certain number of mortgages were allowed. A different world!

I understand your point here GreenlandThe Movie ,however one thing I dont get when people retire, is why they have to be "doing" something! Voluntary work is indeed noble and admirable, but by no means compulsory! Your DF in particular sounds rather misogynistic ,but really even if he wants to sit down all day long ,surely thats up to him? He sounds like one of these men who think women "have it easy" when they "stop work"and likes the fact that he is "retired" while they all work! Not very pleasant for sure!

My mother owns several properties ( mortgage free) , a fantastic pension , stocks/ shares/ Isas and cash savings and still pleads poverty

If we hate them all this much perhaps we shouldn't roll out the Covid vaccine.

@saraclara, that must have been tough. There's nothing like the responsibility for DCs to make terrible circumstances feel worse.

I don't think they are necessarily reflective of a whole generation. However what I will say is I also feel my parents are pretty out of touch with real life for a lot of people.

For example the struggle to buy a home, where arls for them a deposit and the overall cost of a home was much lower as a % of income. Needing a degree or a postgraduate degree for a decent job, which you pay a fortune for at uni. Where as when they were young there was much more opportunity to do on the job training or get into something with potential on leaving school.

Other things like I work in the cultural sector on a partly freelance basis. Even when employed jobs are never permanent. There's no stability, no increase in wages as I progress. I've got no idea how I will afford to retire.

I do feel there's a significant generational devide in these things. With a lot of older people thinking it's because yoind people don't work hard enough or want too much. When actually they've got no idea how hard things are.