To Think My Parents Have No Idea What Life Is Really Like?

[GreenlandTheMovie]

for most people?

DM was a teacher, DF some kind of computer repair engineer but took early retirement at 50. Yes, 50. Never worked again. Both on final salary pension schemes.

They were moaning this week about how "poor" they are, because their pensions don't entitle them to more than index-linked increases to keep up with inflation, unlike people in salaried jobs who can get actual pay rises (I haven't had much of a pay rise in the last decade but theres no telling them). Apparently, they don't have enough money to "do the things they want" without using their savings.

The "things they want to do" include having a large holiday home in France where they normally decamp 6 months of the year, having a Carribbean cruise and a holiday to China last year, similar holidays in previous years, and running their 5 bedroom house. They have a nearly new luxury motorhome and 2 cars. They have also benefitted from 2 large inheritances from relatives dying.

Theres no telling them - apparently, life is very unfair and hard on pensioners like them and retiring at 50 is not at all unreasonable because of the way the company was run.

My parents are early 80s, retired at 60. They are relatively comfortable now due to massively benefiting from endowment investments. However they had been tbrough major hardships growing up, having to pawn things for family to eat etc. In the 70s three day working week and low pay. Not being able to afford holidays at all. So I don't begrudge their better times now. Good luck to them. They do worry about their grandchildren's future though

My mum is a bit like this tbh, she didn’t have loads of money when we were growing up, as she frequently reminds me, but it was down to personal choice, they both left school with no qualifications despite being intelligent, they admit they had poor work ethic.

My mum chose low paid work over a free university place at Manchester Uni because she was “bored of education”, she then worked a grand total of three years full time, before deciding full time work was too much for her at 21 and she would work part time instead and move into a council flat with my dad.She’s never worked full time since.

They had myself and my brother, and she gave up work for 7 years, and went back to work part time in a shop, was offered numerous promotions and rejected them all because she didn’t want the “extra stress“ and was “comfortable enough” on my dad’s wage, he was also offered numerous promotions and turned most of them down for the same reasons, they bought their council house for 16k, under right to buy, which has increased in value to 150k. She then “retired” at 49 and hasn’t worked since, yet will receive a full state pension.

She often reminds me of how hard they had it, but in reality they were very lucky to raise a family on one wage and for her to be a stay at home mum, buy a house that has increased x10 in value, be able to afford to work part time all her life and retire mortgage free before she’s even 50.

My parents are a bit like this too and me and H do roll our eyes sometimes but I will say that both mine and my husbands parents grew up in absolute, pre welfare state poverty, the likes of which I can’t even begin to imagine. So maybe in comparison to that it’s not so bad. I don’t know.... different times, different challenges.

My parents bought their first house for £11k and sold the family house for £880k buying a £400k house to live in.
Retired at £65 on £20k a year.
They know they have it easier than us. I am glad they are having a good life. But can't help being a bit jealous as there is no chance this will happen for me.

@wonkschops

And sorry to disappoint you but most married women with school aged kids did work.

Really?

"By 1996, less than half of mothers of pre-school age children in England were in employment. Today the figure is about two-thirds."

School aged kids are not pre school.

My grandmother born in1897 always worked. She had to because her husband was crippled in WW1. My mother worked. Twilight shift in local factories. 6pm to 10pm and Dad sorted the kids in the evening. Once we got older mum worked 9 am to 4pm so she was there when we got home. The mummy at home with the dinner cooked and daddy's slippers at the ready is not how things were.

@80sColourfulChristmas Thanks for adding this - for every very wealthy "boomer" there are also plenty struggling - especially women who have lost their DH which often involved massive reductions to any widows pension (i.e my MIL gets a company widows pension of £25 a month)

[quote XingMing]@Plussizejumpsuit, I seem to remember from my friends in the 1970s that life in the cultural sector/drama/freelance was precarious even then, Don't kid yourself, and don't let your children think it for a minute, a creative life and occupation means needing a trade skill to fill in the gaps. DS is studying TV at uni right now, but he's also a skilled chef, with two years experience in a five star kitchen. He might never be highly paid in a TV job, but he will always make a living.

A friend, an actress and dancer who was quite successful, said her dad worked as a driving instructor in between acting jobs to keep the family fed and housed. Few people following creative professions can afford to be precious about what they do when there's no paying gig on offer.[/quote]
How patronising is your post? Its positively rude actually.

You've got no idea what I do to earn money or how precious I am about earning money. Actually the cultural sector is far wider than the creatives in it. I work in museums and galleries and this is still my reality. I'm not talking about being a struggling actor. I have a various jobs in museums at management level.

Are you seriously telling me 30 or 40 years ago everyone in museums was working on temp contracts? So no this hasn't been the always case. It might do you good not to make assumptions about people too.

YANBU. My dad retired on full pension at 55 - he's now in his late eighties. He gets more pension than I earn a year but still plays poor. My mum only worked for about five years in her entire life. One year before she married and three or four years very part time for fun in her fifties.

They bought property when it was cheap, sold it for over two thousand per cent profit and congratulate themselves endlessly on how brilliant they were for doing so. (ie for being homeowners in an era when this happened to anyone who owned a home.)

They can't grasp that there's no job security now. That we won't get pensions until we are seventy. That our mortgages are twenty times more expensive than theirs were. That we have to pay for our children's uni education, for dental care, eye care etc.

They have vast sums in the bank, not brought about by hard work, but by luck, and yet they watched all their children struggle financially without offering to help. I despair of them.

DM retired at 51 - over 30 years ago and has more disposable income than I’ve ever had - we are constantly trying to get her to spend it! As she just amasses more savings that will all go in care home or care package fees - I’d rather she bought a new carpet or paid for help that she expects us to do for free eg constant requests for lifts not just for her but her friends - when I’m at work and they all have free bus passes and can afford taxis

My in laws are a bit like this as well. It was easier for them at the time to go to uni and have professions. My mil and fil retired when they were 50 and 55 and their biggest worry is where to go for a walk, where to go on holiday and which restaurant to eat at. If you ask them, they have lived through very tough times but if you question further, my fil's dad bought him his house and paid for their wedding and honeymoon when he got married to my mil and even paid for all their furniture in their new house. DH was looked after by mil's mum so child care was free. But when you ask them, they are counting penny's and their pension is never enough and they have the cheek to say we spend way too much. Fuck off! I was gifted fuck all at my wedding (which is a tradition in my country/DH's country that you must gift the bride considering they were gifted a house, full furniture, wedding and honeymoon).

DM can’t understand why I can’t afford to have my leaking roof fixed or buy a newer car!

Or why I’m so stressed working 50+ hours a week when I’m 56 and should be slowing down! Maybe go part time was her latest suggestion - although am sure that was to help her more.......

@XingMing

For SarahClara, big financial gifts for babyboom generation are as rare as unicorn poo. DH and I, both born in 1956, have inherited the grand total of £3,400 from our grandparents; we received £0 towards property purchases, and have three living parents at 91, 87 and 85. We had our only child at 43, and are funding his university education right now. Don't get out the violins for us. We have saved money for our old age, and should be able to afford to eat for a few years yet.

In days gone by, I worked for a big American pension fund and the advice we used to give there is as true today as it ever was. Start saving for retirement as soon as you get your first job, even if it's not much, because every £/$ you save before you're 30 is worth at least double the £/$ you save after 40... when you retire at 67, which is my new retirement date.

So what because you didn't inherit you think it's really rare for your generation? Give it a rest. The financial inequalities between generations are not just about an individual's situation.

My counter argument would be my parents inherited quite well. But it's not about who inherited what. It's about homes as a percentage of income, the cost of education, interest rates, availability of jobs, economic crises, final salary pensions and pay increases yearly.

Your ability to save for your retirement is predicated on this which isn't a reality anymore.

Has everyone forgotten the Boomer generation women STILL waiting for their (pretty meagre) state pension. The rug was unfairly pulled out from under them, and many have lost out badly in the last few years.

If you have a fat pension from elsewhere, great, otherwise they've suffered badly.

Thanks, though, to the posters putting the word SOME into their posts. Always too much generalisation on threads like this...

Totally agree OP, my parents retired at 50 and 55 on final salary pension. They are eating out all the time, Silk Road and ridiculous holidays (that I don't go on), becoming entitled brats in old age.

We were very poor when young. I grew up thinking hot water or meat are treats. I still have that mentality tbh. Memories are sitting on my mums lap in my uncle's car squeezed with 3 cousins to the beach as we had no car. Catching grasshoppers and bugs, killing them to while away time (not nice, I know). And the excitement when we moved into a decent flat and had an electric water heater (not UK). But we were fine and wouldnt know any different as children.

My parents think I have it so easy now. First in family to go to uni. I took 3 months maternity leave each time. I work more hours than they ever will. i will not generate near as much pension income on workplace pension scheme at today's annuity rates. Work for many people is more complex, stressful and insecure than the past. Technology creates more work and displaces traditional labour. Parenting is different - my parents never read me a book, I barely saw them and even when around I watched A LOT of telly. I had a house key since I was 7 - not possible today. House prices are insane, hard to find work outside cities, far more inequality today etc.

When I talk to them to vent some frustration about juggling it all (dh struggles too) they are always chiding me, practically asking me to suck dick at work, work harder and longer, just ignore the kids really, because I dont know how lucky I am.

Definitely guilty of thinking, OK BOOMER.

Why don't the ''young'' people on this thread just ask their lazy, wealthier parents for substantial cash handouts? Point out high cost of buying a house, how hard you work for so little etc. Also if they live for 7 years their money won't go in IHT. I think a lot of parents do that, it's call ''the bank of mum and dad''.

@Zilla1

Regarding interest rates and it was a special occasion, I do recall genuine tears in the very repressed and formal workplace and despairing phone calls home when UK interest rates spiked during the ERM crisis. 'Well, what's the point?' 'We may as well hand the keys back'! 'Try not to cry, we'll cope'! It was fleeting compared with the sustained difficulties in house purchases in many areas on average earnings now but genuinely upsetting to hear.

I remember that day too. Parents collecting children from school that day were almost shell-shocked thinking they would lose their homes and businesses.

I hate threads like this. While the OP is complaining just about her parents attitudes there are always people who see it as a chance to insult all the older generation.
Every generation has some times that are hard and has some advantages, has a wide range of wealth or poverty and has some people who are generous and others who are greedy and grasping.

My ILs are now very elderly, very healthy and very well off but have never shared a penny and, I'm sure, never will. DH and I are approaching retirement, comfortable but not rich yet have helped all our children with a small amount towards a house deposit and yet, technically, DH and I are boomers (just) so part of the generation some of you claim have been handed money on a plate and are fair game for insults.
This is down to individuals, not generations

Why don't the ''young'' people on this thread just ask their lazy, wealthier parents for substantial cash handouts?

Why would they give if asked though, particularly if they think they are poor?

One of my parents neighbours constantly moans that her only child has moved miles away with her only grandchild. They moved to be near the daughters in law family because that's where they could afford. She literally feels so hard done by but she overlooks that she could have helped them with a deposit. She has 4 properties.

My parents are actually fine but one of my relatives goes on & on about the "people in the boats" getting benefits hence they voted Brexit. They feel hard done by with their 2m home & retiring at 55.

@EscapedfromGN

School aged kids are not pre school.

So you think that more women then ever are working with pre school kids but then that trend reverses when kids are school age?

@tara66

Why don't the ''young'' people on this thread just ask their lazy, wealthier parents for substantial cash handouts? Point out high cost of buying a house, how hard you work for so little etc. Also if they live for 7 years their money won't go in IHT. I think a lot of parents do that, it's call ''the bank of mum and dad''.

Because SOME Boomers, like OP and a number have described growing up with, have a very frugal mentality, yet would now rather splurge on themselves living it up and give sparingly for fear of encouraging entitled adult children. Or they have the "my parents didnt give me nothing, why should my children have a handout." Mindset or "I survived high interest rates"... on a mortgage the size of a year's salary. Dont forget higher rates = fast compounded accumulation of savings and enabled pension schemes to grow... so it helped for the tight arses with little debt and a secure job. Of course not all Boomers had that, but I suspect the ones agreeing with OP are mostly the children of those.

they somehow think their housing equity and pensions was through hard work, which is partly true. Every generation faces it's own challenges and it wont hurt to be a bit more empathetic to each other. It should go both ways.

my parents retired at 50 and 55 on final salary pension. They are eating out all the time, Silk Road and ridiculous holidays (that I don't go on), becoming entitled brats in old age.

We were very poor when young. I grew up thinking hot water or meat are treats. I still have that mentality tbh. Memories are sitting on my mums lap in my uncle's car squeezed with 3 cousins to the beach as we had no car. Catching grasshoppers and bugs, killing them to while away time (not nice, I know). And the excitement when we moved into a decent flat and had an electric water heater (not UK). But we were fine and wouldnt know any different as children.

So your parents brought you up through really tough times when they were incredibly poor. Bringing up babies with no hot water? No car, little meat, scrimping and saving?
Do you not think they've earned their holidays now?

One would hope that you'll become better off as you get older, too. It's almost like you want them to still have to scrimp and save. They must have managed their money very carefully to have got themselves out of that sort of poverty, good pensions or not.

JohnnyDory my parents retired at 50 and 55 on final salary pension. They are eating out all the time, Silk Road and ridiculous holidays (that I don't go on), becoming entitled brats in old age.

What is it about bloody China? Although now mine have discovered Caribbean cruises, China seems on the way out. They must spend at least 10 grand per year on holidays, on top of the French holiday home and motorhome for the sole purpose of driving there in, yet they are claiming poverty!

@justgeton

All of those begrudging their wealthy parents houses, incomes and lifestyles will be donating their own inheritance to charity then? 😉

Was just about to say similar, those moaning on here about their parents huge houses and holiday homes are going to be very wealthy indeed when they inherit.