To Think My Parents Have No Idea What Life Is Really Like?

[GreenlandTheMovie]

for most people?

DM was a teacher, DF some kind of computer repair engineer but took early retirement at 50. Yes, 50. Never worked again. Both on final salary pension schemes.

They were moaning this week about how "poor" they are, because their pensions don't entitle them to more than index-linked increases to keep up with inflation, unlike people in salaried jobs who can get actual pay rises (I haven't had much of a pay rise in the last decade but theres no telling them). Apparently, they don't have enough money to "do the things they want" without using their savings.

The "things they want to do" include having a large holiday home in France where they normally decamp 6 months of the year, having a Carribbean cruise and a holiday to China last year, similar holidays in previous years, and running their 5 bedroom house. They have a nearly new luxury motorhome and 2 cars. They have also benefitted from 2 large inheritances from relatives dying.

Theres no telling them - apparently, life is very unfair and hard on pensioners like them and retiring at 50 is not at all unreasonable because of the way the company was run.

Some older people are lazy, some younger people are lazy. Some older people have plenty of money, some younger people have plenty of money. Some people struggle, some don’t. Some work hard, some don’t.

Why must we be so divisive? Your issue, OP, is with your parents. I don’t think either of you are typical. There’s been a spate of threads about inheritance recently. It’s been commented upon. We must assume,
therefore, that those people are expecting to benefit from inheritance. My children and grandchildren will do so, but they have already benefited from the provision of funding for weddings, deposit for property, childcare, money towards cars and funding for university. Yes, I had a lump sum. As a result of funding the above, that has now gone. I have mentioned this before and was told that it was my own fault for making those provisions. I find that perspective quite harsh.

About twenty years ago, for a few years, we were able to afford a holiday abroad once a year. The last one was fifteen years ago and I don’t expect there will be another. That’s fine, although there are places I would like to have seen. DH will probably never be able to stop working because he’s self employed and the pension he paid into for many years went belly up when the company failed.

Please let’s stop the ageism. If you don’t get on with your parents, that’s your decision and not, surely, a general view.

@FirstOfficerDouglas

What is the point of this thread? For OP to tell us all what awful parents she has? Or for a lot of other people to start an ageist rant.?

The thread isn't ageist. Do you go on other threads and say the thread is ageist against millenials and middle-aged people?

There is no humour, no intellectual content, nothing educational, nothing to learn. There is also very little understanding of "what life was like" in any other period or in any other country/ social class than the posters''s own.

It's a thread for OP to share her frustration about her parents, not an entire group of people.

FirstOfficerDouglas What is the point of this thread? For OP to tell us all what awful parents she has? Or for a lot of other people to start an ageist rant.?

For me (and others who wish to join in) to vent and to share experiences. Generally a useful experience for most humans.

There is no humour, no intellectual content, nothing educational, nothing to learn. There is also very little understanding of "what life was like" in any other period or in any other country/ social class than the posters''s own.

If you're expecting to find that on mumsnet, then you're going to be disappointed. However, even with a non-existent lack of in depth reading of content seemingly lacking depth, you should actually be able to extrapolate al the features you deem lacking if you simply analyse it properly. Somewhat ironically, you have taken it entirely at face value and failed to consider the emotions or the restrictions on writing on an internet forum into account. In terms of comparative analysis, again why are you looking for this on an internet discussion forum, instead of for instance, an academic paper into human biology?

My ILs are financially quite similar - DMIL never worked again after getting pregnant with DH (their only child) in 1986, DFIL retired aged 51 in 1998, his pension is incredibly generous, they inherited a lot of money and so they have a huge disposable income. However, they are lovely, aware of how lucky they were and are incredibly generous. The one way in which it can cause some tension is that they have no idea what it's like to both work with young DC, and I think they've sort of forgotten what it's like to work at all. They're obsessed with us not having done all the decorating/renovation in the house we moved to in June yet, ask every week whether we'll spend that weekend decorating and what we've done that week, and just don't seem to understand that we both work nearly full-time, we have a toddler and I'm 7 months pregnant (and so was pregnant when we moved) and so maybe we've got other things to do!

Your issue, OP, is with your parents.

@Foxyloxy1plus1 wow how enlightening! Her thread is about her parents!

If you don’t get on with your parents, that’s your decision and not, surely, a general view.

Again, the OP is only talking about her parents!

@Rosehip10

Why do all posts like that attract posts from people saying "but interest rates were high in the 80s...." ignoring the fact that it was still possible for one income families in "normal" jobs to buy housing in most places.....

Many homes were repossessed because young parents could not afford to keep up with mortgage repayments. It was different then. The rate went up and within a week or two the letter came through the door telling you how much the payments were going to be. It was impossible to plan ahead and budget when you were living hand to mouth.

One income and normal job? You do realise factories etc. were closing and there were millions out of work? And sorry to disappoint you but most married women with school aged kids did work.

What gets me is that they don't admit that they're lucky.

They never say : 'Yeah, we've had it good'. Ever.

@justgeton is the 15% interest rate not like the mortgage payments nowadays anyway?

What was the average / normal monthly replacement during this time? Generally curious

Our current mortgage is £1200 a month (up north) so with the house price increases is this similar or not?

Should mention I have good pension and if I retire at 55 I get a whole 3k a year woooooo!

What is the point of this thread

^

What's the point of any thread on MN?

My parents are in their 70s and on final salary pensions - my Dad was forced to retire from the fire service at 55 and my Mum was a primary school teacher. They are very comfortable and acknowledge their good fortune, although they didn't ever live in the right parts of the country to make fortunes from property or inherit anything from anyone. They spent long periods of the 80s on strike protecting their working conditions and those pensions, at the same time as those double-digit mortgage rates. My Mum took four months maternity leave with me and my brother because they couldn't afford more, and childcare was managed between my Dad and a network of friends and family who were also working shifts. Now they're retired they volunteer, run the local food bank, donate their winter fuel allowances to charity each year on top of their regular donations. In short, it isn't that your parents are bommers, it's that they are pricks.

Its just completely crazy how people in normal jobs with no real talent had money thrown at them for decades. WTF was going on and why did they think it was sustainable?

Should mention I have good pension and if I retire at 55 I get a whole 3k a year woooooo!

What is a good pension? Currently I'm on track for £5kpa if I retire at 68, which seems woeful?

I think a large proportion of Pensioners can be a bit like this TBH. It is galling sometimes ,as younger people are working hard to have a good standard of living, will probably not get such a large state pension as there is now ,and also job security is so different to when they were younger .I often feel that older people can be envious of the younger ones though as they have "done it all.seen it all and got the T shirt"as they say .where you have it all to come .Also if they have very wealthy friends then they will feel "poor" as well!

MsRinky Now they're retired they volunteer, run the local food bank, donate their winter fuel allowances to charity each year on top of their regular donations. In short, it isn't that your parents are bommers, it's that they are pricks.

And I bet they've got a lot more to talk about in conversation than what they spend their money on too.

Your parents sound like entitled CFs, but they only represent a proportion of older people. Many struggle on very modest incomes and some live in poverty. I also bet your personal CFs pocketed the £200 cold weather payment from the government. These benefits should be linked to income. Unfortunately older wealthy voters make up much of the Conservative party

I think people had no way of knowing how life expectancy would increase, and so how unsustainable many pension schemes would become. There's a lot of debate about whether or not my pension scheme is viable as it stands, but an undeniable fact is that there are now more people drawing pensions from it than paying into it - it's a very middle-class profession that takes no physical toll and so tends to produce long-lived people, and until recently lots and lots of them were retiring at 60 - which doesn't seem like a sustainable system to me; I sometimes wonder whether I'm essentially donating £300 a month to some not very needy pensioners, since I'm not sure I'll ever get anything out of it...

It’s definitely a dickhead thing rather than a generational thing. Some are lovely (not in my family but presumably plenty are).

Problem is we tend to hope for understanding from our parents when we’re struggling. I think that’s the cause of the boomer-attacking.

I can’t imagine being so thoughtless to my dc. Also there are some people (of all generations) who unfortunately enjoy winding up/upsetting people, even their own children

If only they would do something - well perhaps seventies is a little old now, but they have had 2 decades of doing nothing but pursue pleasure. If they would occasionally volunteer or help a neighbour, I'm sure they would have benefitted greatly from it

This is exactly how I feel about my in-laws. I know it's a bit unfair of me and I have never voiced this out loud but my in-laws were educated to degree level entirely for free, worked for less than 2 decades for the UK state, bought a discounted house, retired early on a public pension and since that day, in their early 50s have done absolutely nothing for others. Not one single thing. No charity work, or paid work, or further education, or helping of neighbours, or anything. I'm not saying they HAVE to do any of that, they took a retirement they were entitled to and have enjoyed it the way they wanted to. It just all feels like a massive, entitled waste.

I just hope to live my own life differently as I do think there's something almost unethical about the way they've lived for the last 25 years. I think it's the continual complaining about everything (absolutely every fucking thing) that really annoys me.

It is wildly unfair how property prices are about six times the national average income. I do think us younger lot are incredibly jealous of the route to home ownership our parents had.

But that said we don't begrudge them for that or think they shouldn't have it. We'd just like similar opportunities.

Easy to see things through rose tinted glasses. A lot of the 70s/80s sound very unenjoyable.

@user1471565182

Its just completely crazy how people in normal jobs with no real talent had money thrown at them for decades. WTF was going on and why did they think it was sustainable?

No people in the private sector on the whole didn't have gold plated pensions. Bankers and others in the finance sector and senior managers yes. They looked after themselves.

Who had money thrown at them? Child tax credit came later. LOL that you get to decide who has 'talent'. We all know now which workers really are important.

I don't think this bitterness against your parents is helpful or healthy. You're also confusing your life with RL whilst dismissing their experiences. Your parents' lives are real lives too and obviously they do know what their lives are like.
It's also not that odd that DCs help their parents around the house but you act as though that's a major imposition on your DB.
Have you told your parents that you don't want any inheritance? Just in case it means you can buy a holiday home and thereby lose touch with what you consider 'real' problems. . .

My MIL is the same... “we don’t have money to spare” then turns around and shows me a little sculpture that she acquired that has been previously exhibited at the Pompidou, while telling me she is rebuilding her garden study, extending her terrace, changing her bathroom and the kitchen worktop

The 15% interest thing is brought up by inlaws A Lot. And I have no understanding what it might have felt like. But I do know that even with interest rates that high they bought a four bedroomed detached house on one salary which was probably less as an equivalent than mine is now (similar industry) and could afford to have a parent at home for about 12 years, and managed cheap but nice holidays every year (two weeks in a caravan, often in France).

I am inordinately lucky to have bought a house but even with two good salaries it is a stretch, and of course those salaries have to cover childcare too.

No idea why you're talking about pensions, Escaped? Im referring to things like financial industries. And the defensivness here is ridiculous. We arnt allowed to talk about the sickening wealth inequality in this country because it might upset some older people? (many of whom have been throwing vitriol at the 'snowflake' younger generations for years).

Its hardly a secret that the post-war generations had it much better than those who came before and that standard has now massively dropped.