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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what's the rudest thing a stranger has done to you?

704 replies

YoungScrappyHungry · 08/12/2020 14:48

Inspired by the lovely thread about kindest thing strangers have done for you, and also a chance for me to share this horror.

When I was 19, I worked on the tills at a supermarket in my holidays from university.

A woman I was serving was staring at me, trying to get my attention as I scanned her stuff. I looked up at her and smiled. She said, in still the most condescending tone I've ever heard:

'Don't you wish you'd studied now?'

I was so floored and ashamed, I didn't say a thing back and just carried on scanning her things. Fact was I was actually at university, but even if I hadn't been....aghh!....still gets me.

What are yours?

OP posts:
woodhill · 09/12/2020 17:15

@Soosiesoo

In a restaurant in a family aimed hotel with my Dh and two Dds. Youngest DD who was just 2 was being vocal (whingy) whilst I'd gone to get her some food, DH was attempting to distract her but to no avail.

As I approached our table, the woman on the next table with two older children looked me square in the face and said very loudly 'tell that kid to shut the fuck up'. She spent the entire meal eyeballing us.

I was absolutely mortified!

I don't think I would have tolerated that and told her to do the same. Disgusting
cariaaad · 09/12/2020 17:16

When I was about 17 I went into a gift shop to buy a birthday card for a friend. I had on a cardigan with pockets and had my hands in my pockets as I walked around the shop. The owner started to talk loudly to another customer about how times were so hard because of the amount of shop lifters she had encountered and how business was hard.

When I went to pay she told me off for having my hands in my pockets and how people would obviously think I was shop lifting. I was young and shocked she would think that of me and didn't know what to say, so paid and shuffled off. I really wish I had told her no wonder business was hard if that was the way she spoke to customers. The shop shut a few months later, if that was how she spoke to all her customers it's no surprise.

Cattenberg · 09/12/2020 17:22

I was once in a crowd when an elderly man shoved me, snarling “get put the fucking way!”. I was no more in his way than anyone else. I think he just picked on me because I’m a very small woman. Prick.

In a bar, tried to rest their pint on my head with the immortal words, "Oh sorry, I thought you were a table."

I am rather short. And it left me with a good story to tell.

I heard of a bloke in a crowded pub who tried to find his girlfriend a bar stool. He thought he saw one and tried to pick it up. Unfortunately, it was actually a woman in a long red velvet skirt, who was bending over to get something out of her bag. Oops.

Cattenberg · 09/12/2020 17:23

out

Ebony68 · 09/12/2020 17:36

I was having an awful day at work and went out at lunchtime for some fresh air. As a man passed me on the busy street he looked at me and shouted, ‘Fuck off, you fat nigger’.
I will never forget how shocked, humiliated and confused I felt. It was central London and I had never experienced such blatant racism before . ( I was also eight months pregnant at the time, hence his reference to my size).

ButterflyBitch · 09/12/2020 17:37

Probably not the rudest but quite recent. Turned a corner on my drive home from work. Crossroads with traffic lights controlling all directions and green man for crossing. So light went green so I went, as I turned corner some guy was crossing. Shouldn’t have been but obviously I slowed and waited for him to finish crossing, he put his middle finger up at me Grin I laughed. What did he want me to do, run him over? Dickhead.

Ireallymustgotobed · 09/12/2020 17:41

A man aggressively accused me of staring at and judging his poor parking because he was Muslim. I hadn’t noticed either thing, I was pondering whether to get out the buggy or just use a sling for my baby DD. When I told him that he accused me of lying then excused himself by saying his father was sick in hospital. I told him that was no reason to have a go at a total stranger, particularly a lone woman with a baby and he got angry again and told me he hoped my baby got cancer and died. I had to phone to pay by card for my parking and ended up messing it up, having to speak to a customer service advisor who I burst into tears at because I was so shaken. She was lovely.

LadyQuellyn · 09/12/2020 17:43

Before I went to uni, I worked as an office junior for a few months. One of the secretaries had a screen saver with some very basic Latin words. I was in her office and translated it into English. She said 'I need to change it if someone like you can understand it.' I didn't say anything but I did enjoy telling them a couple of months later that I was leaving to go to university.
Also, when I was in my mid thirties and expecting my 3rd child, I was walking down the road with the other two in a push chair (aged 1 and 3) and a woman leant out of her car to tell me that I should learn to say no. I was totally flabbergasted and didn't say anything but it still infuriates me to this day.

Boobsarenotloadbearing · 09/12/2020 17:46

Thorn and others with invisible disabilities I sympathise:
^I have a hidden disability on I was on the bus one day, sitting in the seats for disabled people, and two elderly women behind me kept making really nasty comments about me being there. They were saying them loud enough for all surrounding passengers to hear and they were so disparaging towards me - basically saying who did I think I was sitting in seats for disabled people and it was disgusting how I had the audacity to sit there.

I had tears in my eyes for the length of the journey, I was so embarrassed, hurt and upset.

In hindsight I wish I had said something to them but I just felt too intimidated^

I have a hidden disability too, and unless I am using my crutches (which I can just about manage without some days) I get rude comments.

One was when I was in my early twenties on a bus with my mum. There was one seat so she let me have it and there was lots of tutting and comments that I should have let my mum have the seat instead.

Another one was a couple of years ago, I had finally given in and got a blue disabled parking badge. I limped my way out of the shop in agony (not using my crutches that day) and a guy yelled at me for having the nerve to use disabled parking and was I using my grans badge because "you look like you are moving ok". I told him that while it might look that way it certainly wasn't the case and to not judge so quickly without knowing. TBH I wish I had just had the balls to tell him to fuck off.

SpnBaby1967 · 09/12/2020 17:47

When I had parents evening with DD8 teacher and the teacher said how she dreaded teaching my daughter when she realised she had another SPNBaby child having taught DS9 the previous year. But it's okay as DD8 is amazing and such a wonderful, smart, helpful child and a pleasure to teach.

I'm sure my face was Hmm

Margerine78 · 09/12/2020 17:47

Not a thing that was said but one that was done...I've moved into this old army barracks which has been turned into flats one end, with bars and restaurants other end. It's a bit of a tourist attraction but obvious which buildings are residential. A group of people walked past the residential blocks and one woman walked over my plants and pressed her hands and face right against my patio doors to take a good look in. I looked at her and she looked put out that I was in my own flat and stopping her having a good beak in! No embarrassment or apologetic gesture given!

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 09/12/2020 17:48

My daughter has epilepsy (and a few other things) on Monday she had a seizure in Claire’s Accessorise. The cashier said “maybe she’s doing it for attention”.

Honestly, it’s that kind of utter ignorance and rudeness that pisses me off the most.

I’ve had my fair share of snarky comments etc. But, wilful ignorance and hatred is worse.

Smileyk · 09/12/2020 17:53

Having refused the triple blood test while pregnant (it was known for false positives) I was sent to the consultant who ranted at me, didn't listen to a thing I said and then finished with " well if you have a baby with down syndrome I'll be your own fault and you'll just put it in a home I suppose!". We were both totally gobsmacked but I manage to very sternly tell him that he was a rude little man who didn't know me and what I'd do!! I went on to tell him that my cousin's daughter has down syndrome and is delightful and we'd love our child and look after her regardless! At which point we stormed out and left him spluttering! I wasn't high risk and my baby scans were fine - he was just a total idiot!!

ILoveYourLittleHat · 09/12/2020 17:55

@Soosiesoo

In a restaurant in a family aimed hotel with my Dh and two Dds. Youngest DD who was just 2 was being vocal (whingy) whilst I'd gone to get her some food, DH was attempting to distract her but to no avail.

As I approached our table, the woman on the next table with two older children looked me square in the face and said very loudly 'tell that kid to shut the fuck up'. She spent the entire meal eyeballing us.

I was absolutely mortified!

The reply: "hmm, do you really think that telling a whinging baby to 'shut the fuck up' works?" ....

"Yes" is a clear invite to look her square in the face and tell her to STFU. "No" makes her look stupid.

I think I'm getting too involved in this thread! Grin

FairfaxAikman · 09/12/2020 17:57

I am "bigger" and was six months pregnant and walking across a car park when some bitch in a soft top car swung round the corner, almost hitting me.
I jumped back and said to DH "she almost hit me!" Then noticed the phone at her ear and added "because she was on her fucking phone while driving."
Because of the soft top she obviously heard me. She got out and he opening gambit was "oi fatty!" She then proceeded to tell me it's not illegal to be on a phone in a car park as it's private property (which is bollocks, if you have access as a member of the public the law applies).
I went into Mothercare in tears.

wandererthroughwildforests · 09/12/2020 17:58

I was a very young-looking 28, eight months pregnant and had removed my wedding ring because of swollen fingers. A total stranger stopped me on the pavement and upbraided me for being a feckless teenager getting pregnant so young.

Ffsnosexallowed · 09/12/2020 17:59

When I was about 8 or 9 I was at Dr's getting stitches removed from a cut on my leg. Wound hadn't healed properly and dr said "we could restitch it, but let's face it she's never going to be modelling tights is she??" I was gutted. Looking back he was right.

Her1mum · 09/12/2020 17:59

When I was in labour, I heard one midwife talking to another, referring to my DP and saying “What’s he doing with that fat girl?” Nice. I had put on weight in pregnancy (of course) but have been a slim size 10 my whole life.

CheeseAndOnionIcecream · 09/12/2020 18:02

Nothing of my own to add,I think I must be quite lucky as I've never (yet) been on the receiving end of anything like as bad as some of the stories I've read here. But I am totally shocked at how much nastiness there is out there. And as a previous poster remarked,a very large proportion of it seems to be men directing their vile behaviour at women.

Pliudev · 09/12/2020 18:02

I was pushing my six week old DS's pram down the high street in our local town when a man came up to me and said 'Keep your legs together next time.'. I was so shocked I didn't reply. I wish I had though.

QueenoftheFarts · 09/12/2020 18:02

My son was tube fed due to serious illness and part of making sure that eventually he would be able to enjoy food (tube feeding really messes with kids eventually having healthy appetites) we were told to always put him in the high chair at meal times and lay out a selection of "bite and dissolve' foods. He was not able to handle solids, and the exact recommendation from the dietician at the hospital was to throw down skips, quavers, yogurts.... mainly just to play with and taste, but if inadvertently swallowed would just dissolve without issue. So I made the mistake of sitting down for a meal at the supermarket, I had chicken, he had all his bite and dissolve snacks which usually ended up in his hair or up his nose. A woman came over and shouted at me loudly that I should be ashamed tucking into a hearty meal myself and putting shit out for him. I was exhausted. I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. People are horrible. Someone also once spotted his tube and pulled their kids away from playing with him saying loudly, "I think he has aids"... which in itself was both completely bizarre and utterly horrible.

DreamTheMoors · 09/12/2020 18:06

@FridayNightAtTheBronze

This was more a rude thing done to my daughter, but it still affected me hugely.

My daughter was 3 at the time, and we were watching my son at his swimming lesson. An older lady (potentially another students grandmother) was sitting opposite, and had been staring at my daughter for a bit. She then walked over, grasped her by the chin and said "What's wrong with her face?".

My daughter was born with a cleft lip and palate, and although she has had 4 surgeries it is still fairly obvious.

I was so shocked that I froze and said nothing. I pulled my daughter away from her, and she walked away and I have always felt ashamed that I didn't have the courage to say something at the time. But it was so unexpected and awful.

I don't think my daughter remembers (I hope!) but I'll never forget it.

People can be cruel.

@FridayNightAtTheBronze

You’ve no idea how many times lately I’ve said “people are awful.”
I’m so sorry. I don’t know what possesses folks to voice their worst thoughts and think it’s acceptable. It never is.

wolfmom · 09/12/2020 18:10

Worst - sexually assaulted
Most bizarre/random - was with a friend around the bombed out church (Liverpool) and a car went past with a couple of lads hanging out the window with super soakers (back in 90's).

Smuuuurfette · 09/12/2020 18:11

When I was pregnant someone stopped me and said you must be having a boy, you glow when you are having a girl and you don’t have a glow

Amber2384 · 09/12/2020 18:13

When my first son was 5 weeks old, I ventured out for the first time with him to a mother and baby group. He was due a feed so I started to give him his bottle. Another mum at the group rolled her eyes at me and said loudly to her friend: “so I guess she decided not to give her baby the best start in life! Everyone could breastfeed if they just tried.” Little did she know that I had had a traumatic birth where both my son and I nearly died and we had to stay in hospital for the first two weeks of his life. I was so out of it on meds during this time that I could not breastfeed him and my husband and the nurses had to bottle feed him. When I got home I did everything I could to establish feeding but I produced so little milk and baby wouldn’t latch - I hired private consultants, everything. It took the doctor telling me I had to formula feed as my baby was losing weight before I saw sense. I left the baby group in tears and it took me another week to leave the house again...