Family don't want to see my DC over Christmas

[UndertheCedartree]

I probably am being unreasonable but this has pissed me of and I'd like to vent!

I'm seperated from.my DC's father. We have an arrangement where I have the DC over Christmas and on 27th he takes them to his uncle's house and his mum is there too.

This year due to Covid they don't want to see the DC. And of course that's their perogative. The thing is my DS has had Covid (mildly) and I expect my DD has had it too without symptoms (of course I don't know). Surely they are more at risk of passing it on to each other (uncle, grandmother and DC's dad) as none of them have had it. It just feels like an excuse for them to not have to bother with the DC. Just like the excuse the DC's grandmother has had since August to not let the DC round to her house - there is a leak in the bathroom apparently! Generally the DC's dad's family don't bother with them much which is probably why it has annoyed me! Well, their loss, I guess!

Do they generally dislike children?

Are your children particularly badly behaved?

Yabu.

The rules are that no one should be mixing after the 27th. So the usual routine would be breaking the law.

As long As the dc get some time with their father over the Christmas period o think that's all you can critique.

YABU

You say it here And of course that's their prerogative This year of all years, people are entitled to choose who they wish to see.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz - I said they usually see them on 27th so within the 5 days.

It’s unlikely that your arrangement would be in line with the rules of where you live.

Many many people are not seeing their grandchildren (or even children) who they adore due to COVID this year. YAbu and a bit sensitive, but I understand why you feel like that.

They will see their dad as we have invited him to ours on 27th.

@HolyBuckets - I wouldn't say they dislike my DC just not particularly bothered. They are pretty good with them when they do see them. Mine aren't badly behaved - both quite calm and quiet/shy. I don't think their grandmother likes DC in general. She didn't want to have their dad (and he had an awful childhood in part because of that). Their great uncle I don't really know but he's never had children so may not be particularly keen on kids in general. But seems to enjoy gifting them nice things when he does see them once or twice a year.

@Stradivari - well yes, I know I'm being unreasonable really. It would be nice if it was 'We're upset about it but we've decided not to see the DC - we would have loved to see them' kind of thing. And of course if they weren't seeing anyone but they are mixing with the people more likely to pass on Covid to each other. And if they do it'll pass back into my family when their dad comes over!

Just because your kids have had vivid doesn't mean they are low risk. YABU

Covid not vivid

@Fruggalo - thank you. Not sure why it wouldn't be in line with rules, though? They would be in a Christmas bubble with dad's family on 27th.

Yabu. Quite honestly just because people CAN mix for a few days over xmas, doesn't mean they should. It was a bloody stupid idea to be honest, there should have only been special exceptions to break bubbles (elderly, at risk, terminal illness and so forth). Regardless of whether they're crap usually, whilst we're still in the middle of the virus pandemic then they're quite right to say no.

@Stantons - are they higher risk than the adults who haven't had it though? They'll be mixing with each other and if they do pass it on to each other it will come back to my family and may infect my DP! But yeah, I agree we don't know enough to know whether the DC would have immunity or not.

@BrumBoo - but still mix with each other and then potentially pass it to my family? We're mixing with no-one.

Considering so many families who would love to be with each other are apart this year, I think YABU.

It is tough on the DC people are scared it is understandable from their P.O.V.
Can their dad visit them.

@FestiveChristmasLights - I guess that's what annoys me - they wouldn't 'love' to be together. But they could be together. I'd love to see my family but are seeing none - I've not seen my mum for over a year and am missing her so much. If I could see my family I'd jump at the chance so them not being bothered just seems unfair in a way.

I'm not seeing my nieces at Christmas. They've been in school. They're not good at social distancing. Why would I want to risk my own health like that? Or see them and constantly be telling them to stay away from me, not to touch things, worrying when they cough etc it would be worse than not seeing them. Just because the gov is letting households mix doesn't make it any safer.

I don't think it would be on the rules, my understanding is 3 families total can bubble over the Christmas week. Say families A, B, C. They can't then see any other families. Family A couldn't see family D. So in this case, your dc are family D. Their dad is A. His parents B. His uncle C. Your Dc and you are D. Technically then their dad can't visit you at any point. By the rules, any road.

@Emeraldshamrock - yes their dad will come here on 27th. Passing on anything he may have caught from his uncle!

"yes their dad will come here on 27th. Passing on anything he may have caught from his uncle!"

Assuming he's doing all his visiting on 27th then it doesn't work like that. YABU

Frankly that is their decision to make.

Also more generally if they don't particularly enjoy seeing your kids why would you want your kids around people who don't really appreciate them? it is their loss...better for your kids to be around people who genuinely love them.

@Nottherealslimshady - fair enough. But the point is they are mixing with each other and will then pass on anything to my family. I do understand what you're saying but mine are not of the age or familiarity to be touching them etc. Eldest is only in a very small class. They will have been mixing with more people at work.

@Indecisivelurcher

I don't think it would be on the rules, my understanding is 3 families total can bubble over the Christmas week. Say families A, B, C. They can't then see any other families. Family A couldn't see family D. So in this case, your dc are family D. Their dad is A. His parents B. His uncle C. Your Dc and you are D. Technically then their dad can't visit you at any point. By the rules, any road.

Children whose parents are separated can have a different 3 household bubble with each parent. So the gatherings as described in OP would be within the rules.

@myhobbyisouting

"yes their dad will come here on 27th. Passing on anything he may have caught from his uncle!"

Assuming he's doing all his visiting on 27th then it doesn't work like that. YABU

I think a child's own father is allowed to visit them notwithstanding any Christmas bubbles? Children have always been allowed to go between the households of separated parents even in the March lockdown. I don't know how it works with mingling with the other parent.

@Indecisivelurcher - sorry I've not made it clear. The DC's dad lives with his mum. So essentially we are family C in terms of DC's dad coming over on 27th. But the DC are allowed to switch bubbles to see a seperated parent so if they were going to uncle's they would be in their Christmas bubble and we could also have our own Christmas bubble.