Family don't want to see my DC over Christmas

[UndertheCedartree]

I probably am being unreasonable but this has pissed me of and I'd like to vent!

I'm seperated from.my DC's father. We have an arrangement where I have the DC over Christmas and on 27th he takes them to his uncle's house and his mum is there too.

This year due to Covid they don't want to see the DC. And of course that's their perogative. The thing is my DS has had Covid (mildly) and I expect my DD has had it too without symptoms (of course I don't know). Surely they are more at risk of passing it on to each other (uncle, grandmother and DC's dad) as none of them have had it. It just feels like an excuse for them to not have to bother with the DC. Just like the excuse the DC's grandmother has had since August to not let the DC round to her house - there is a leak in the bathroom apparently! Generally the DC's dad's family don't bother with them much which is probably why it has annoyed me! Well, their loss, I guess!

@PaulaPennyfeather - as I have said it is only a 'thing' in my head so hurting noone but me. But yes it is a 'thing' for me and a valid one - it can be painful when people don't care for you or your DC.

Yesterday an OP was on her way to the Maldives and Switzerland. She was virtually given a standing ovation on her way out. Poor old OP today told she's totally bu for thinking gp could show some interest in her grandkids at xmas and spend an afternoon with them! Unbeliveable

@Belladonna12 - I had it in April but have long covid now and post-covid fatigue. Obviously we don't know how likely I am to get it again.

Them not bothering with them is relevant as to why this feels like an 'excuse'. Not that odd to know what their jobs are as I am married to their son/nephew. That is what I mean by mixing with others. They are also choosing to mix with each other at Christmas. You feel that it is fine for them
to avoid the risk of Covid but 'a bit much' for them to think of the risk to others. It is sensible for them to think they will catch Covid from my DC but not sensible for me to think we could catch it from them??

@LoveMyKidsAndCats - take it you've not rtft.

I have not seen my parents for over a year - no idea when we will see them again. We are not mixing with anyone over Christmas...because there's a pandemic (in case you didn't know ) Uncle is in 40s and Grandma in 50s - not elderly! I am vulnerable and will now have to mix with DC's dad and potentially catch it from him as I want the DC to see their dad over Christmas.

I'm assuming maybe you show you love your family even though you're not seeing them. They don't.

@Justcallmebebes - thanks for your understanding

Off course YABU.
I just hope your negative attitude and obvious dislike for your ex inlaws hasnt seeped out so your DC arent aware, but from your subsequent posts it seems you wont tolerate anyone with an opposing view.

@Cheeseandwin5 - I won't tolerate anyone with an opposing view? 😂 I've already agreed I'm being unreasonable!! As I already said the hurt this has caused me is just in my head and on MN! However, the attitude of the DC's grandma has of course affected the DC. They don't feel loved or cared for by a grandmother who won't let them over to her house, who won't come to their parties and who sees them twice a year despite living 15 min away. The result is actually they aren't bothered about seeing her either. When I had my first child I tried to encourage a relationship but I realised you can't change the way people are. Even now I try to mitigate the hurt to my DC. I have bought them a little present 'from grandma' just so it doesn't seem as if she has forgotten them on the one day of the year they usually know they see her. Why shouldn't I dislike they way my DC are treated by her? Honestly would you like it if your DC were treated the same? Would it really not hurt you one bit? When you see grandparents who adore their grandchildren - you wouldn't want that for your own children??

[quote UndertheCedartree]@Belladonna12 - I had it in April but have long covid now and post-covid fatigue. Obviously we don't know how likely I am to get it again.

Them not bothering with them is relevant as to why this feels like an 'excuse'. Not that odd to know what their jobs are as I am married to their son/nephew. That is what I mean by mixing with others. They are also choosing to mix with each other at Christmas. You feel that it is fine for them
to avoid the risk of Covid but 'a bit much' for them to think of the risk to others. It is sensible for them to think they will catch Covid from my DC but not sensible for me to think we could catch it from them??[/quote]
I didn't say it was odd to know what their jobs are. I meant it was odd to know exactly how they are socialising considering you have separated from your husband. Their jobs may be putting them at higher risk of infection but they need to do their jobs. It doesn't mean they should put themselves at even higher risk by mixing with children who will have been at school recently.
I didn't say anything about it not being sensible to think you could catch Covid from them but nobody is forcing you to mix with them are they so what is your point?

@Belladonna12 - no one is forcing me except I want the DC to see their dad at Christmas! It is in the DC's best interests for their emotional well being. I would respect them if they didn't mix households so at least the risk is lower of the DC's dad spreading it to us.

I didn't say you said it was specifically odd knowing about their jobs but just pointing out that it was because of their jobs I know they are mixing and I know their Christmas plans so know they are mixing then. I'm not sure what you were saying was 'a bit much' then? You said it wasn't likely we would catch Covid from them...well it isn't likely they will catch Covid from us - it works both ways. I get they have a right to avoid risks but is it too much for them to think about risks to others?

[quote UndertheCedartree]**@Belladonna12 - no one is forcing me except I want the DC to see their dad at Christmas! It is in the DC's best interests for their emotional well being. I would respect them if they didn't mix households so at least the risk is lower of the DC's dad spreading it to us.

I didn't say you said it was specifically odd knowing about their jobs but just pointing out that it was because of their jobs I know they are mixing and I know their Christmas plans so know they are mixing then. I'm not sure what you were saying was 'a bit much' then? You said it wasn't likely we would catch Covid from them...well it isn't likely they will catch Covid from us - it works both ways. I get they have a right to avoid risks but is it too much for them to think about risks to others?[/quote]
@Belladonna12 - no one is forcing me except I want the DC to see their dad at Christmas! It is in the DC's best interests for their emotional well being. I would respect them if they didn't mix households so at least the risk is lower of the DC's dad spreading it to us.

Yes, but they are your children! I take risks with Covid so my children can be educated, have friends etc but I don't expect my children's grandparents to do that.

*@Belladonna12 - no one is forcing me except I want the DC to see their dad at Christmas! It is in the DC's best interests for their emotional well being. I would respect them if they didn't mix households so at least the risk is lower of the DC's dad spreading it to us.

Yes, but they are your children! I take risks with Covid so my children can be educated, have friends etc but I don't expect my children's grandparents to do that.

You're obviously hurt because they don't really want to see your DC and that is understandable. Not all grandparents have to be doting. I love my niece & nephew but I'm not that bothered if i go long periods without seeing them. You have to accept it.

@Belladonna12 - but they are only a risk I have to take because of the actions of their grandmother. She could just allow the DC round to her house while she is at the uncle's! I am pretty unwell already add on another bout of Covid and I'll be back in hospital. I would like to think that if my DS has children I will care about their mother if for no other reason than she is the mother of my grandchildren and what happens to her affects the DC. That's just the way I think. But obviously not everyone does.

@HoboSexualOnslow - yes, I know. I thought I accepted it but clearly not! I don't know if she loves them. She was a very cruel mother to the DC's dad and she isn't to my DC. But not sure that means she loves them. I get what you mean - we're not all the same - not every grandmother is going to be doting. But she lives 15 minutes away and sees them twice a year! And I mean by that that is the entire contact with them - no phone calls ever. But as I said she is good with them when she sees them. She buys them sweets and puts on a film for them to watch on the odd occasion they've been to hers. They just don't really have much of a relationship with her.

[quote UndertheCedartree]@Belladonna12 - but they are only a risk I have to take because of the actions of their grandmother. She could just allow the DC round to her house while she is at the uncle's! I am pretty unwell already add on another bout of Covid and I'll be back in hospital. I would like to think that if my DS has children I will care about their mother if for no other reason than she is the mother of my grandchildren and what happens to her affects the DC. That's just the way I think. But obviously not everyone does.[/quote]
I'm not sure I get your argument . Why would allowing your DC to visit her decrease the risk to you? Even if it did decrease your risk, why should she increase her risk of infection to do that?