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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I tell DP he's bought me the wrong one?

125 replies

ThursdayAlready2 · 07/12/2020 09:28

DP and I went Christmas shopping on Saturday. I was hoping for a bracelet for Christmas, and we went to a jewellers and looked together. I picked out two that I really liked, then left DP to it, to make the final decision.

I had quick peep yesterday, and he’s bought the wrong one ……. The item he purchased similar-ish to the two I liked, and ironically quite a bit more expensive, but it’s not something I would really wear? So on Christmas morning do I feign delight, or do I ask him if he’s kept the receipt??? It’s an incredibly generous gift, but not quite what I wanted! DP is lovely and the last thing I want to do is hurt his feelings.

OP posts:
Simplyunacceptable · 07/12/2020 10:22

Be honest about it. My DH totally missed the mark with my Christmas gifts last year so we returned them the following day and I got something I actually liked.

Sparklfairy · 07/12/2020 10:30

Sorry OP but I was reminded of that Mr Bean Christmas episode when he walks past a jewellers with his girlfriend and she heavily hints (i.e. stabs the window pointedly!) that she wants that engagement ring. On Christmas Day he proudly presents her with the large photo of the loving couple that had been behind the rings in the display window that he thought she wanted Grin When she's upset, he suddenly produces a ring box... containing a hook to hang the picture Grin

Tbh if I was your DP, I'd be more hurt and disappointed to have bought you a 'lovely' gift only for you to never wear it, and it could cause resentment over time, so I think you have to tell him!

PatriciaHolm · 07/12/2020 10:31

He's been upsold ;-) The sales assistant spotted indecision and managed to upsell him to something more expensive that "based on those, I'm sure she'll love it...."

SeaMoonWave · 07/12/2020 10:33

Sounds like he saw what you liked and tried to be nice and get a more expensive version of it for you? Do you genuinely prefer the cheaper one, or just cannot justify the more expensive one on your head? If you prefer the cheaper one tell him, if not then he thinks you’re worth it.

StoppinBy · 07/12/2020 10:34

I would tell him you popped in to the jewellery shop and saw that both bracelets you liked were in the shop and did he maybe, by accident, get the bracelet he got you mixed up.

My husband once bought me these really heavy chunky earrings that I would never in a million years wear, when I opened it, even though I tried hard not to show how much I hated them, he picked up on it and even though he was a bit upset we took them back and swapped them and we both came away happy.

He also did the same thing with a dress once, lol, he bought me the ugliest dress ever made, I looked like a blasted rectangular lady beetle lol. I am a bit like an open book to read and unfortunately he also really quickly picked up how much I hated it. Again we swapped it and both came away happy.

Unless you think it will grow on you I think you need to be honest now while he has a chance to fix it and give you something you will love to receive for Christmas.

2me2u2u2me · 07/12/2020 10:40

@Whyistheteacold

I don't think YABU to gently tell him, personally I wouldn't be able to bring myself to say anything as I wouldn't want to upset him 🥺 I still have a hideous brown beaded bag that my DS bought me over ten years ago, I've never had the heart to get rid of the hideous thing 😂
I agree here, tell your DH gently that he's got you the wrong one, especially after you asked him to pick you one out of two shortlisted, doh.

Whyistheteacold, I totally agree you should keep what your DS bought you, hideous or not, I'd do the same, totally different with children isn't it Smile

2me2u2u2me · 07/12/2020 10:41

@Whyistheteacold - oh you might mean darling, sis, I read it as darling son Hmm I'd give it back to anyone apart from my children haha

knittingaddict · 07/12/2020 10:44

@SarahAndQuack

I'd just be honest TBH. It's not as if you peeked at a surprise present - you'd already gone to the shop with him.

You obviously feel touched that he tried to treat you; he obviously wanted to do something lovely. It's not a big deal. But lying about it is odd IMO.

Agree with this and all the other people saying that you should just be honest

After 35 plus years of being married we both tell each other what we want and few presents are a surprise. We both got fed up of yarn that was the wrong colour (for me) and socks that were too thick (for him). Presents are hard to get 100% right, even if you've known the person intimately for decades.

BlackCatShadow · 07/12/2020 10:47

I also agree with just being honest and admit that you peeped.

GroundAlmonds · 07/12/2020 10:53

@CorianderBlues

What a scumbag. He's bought you the wrong one deliberately.

He's giving the "correct" one to the woman he's having an affair with.

You should leave him. Immediately.

(Standard MN response)

If that was a standard Mumsnet response, something like it would have been posted on the thread, wouldn’t it? Confused
LindaEllen · 07/12/2020 10:54

God, am I the only one reading this REALLY hoping OP doesn't open a CD on Christmas morning, with said bracelet nowhere to be seen?!

FanFckingTastic · 07/12/2020 10:58

I would be honest with him. He's wanted to get you something nice, so if it's not what you want then you will be disappointed and so will he - there's no point in not being truthful, particularly if it's an expensive gift.

CeibaTree · 07/12/2020 11:33

Hmm that's a tricky one! If it's completely the wrong metal like gold instead of silver then that will be easier than telling him you don't like it. If it is similar to the ones you liked, can you just swap it sometime after christmas - would he even be any the wiser? Does he know that you know he's bought it?

bs9er · 07/12/2020 11:38

My husband would take that fine. Just tell him.

IDontDrinkTea · 07/12/2020 11:43

I really hope this isn’t going to be a love actually scenario and you’ll actually wake up to a cd on Christmas morning

TriflePudding · 07/12/2020 11:44

Well I think you have to think about how you would feel if you had chosen a gift for your DP and he told you he didn’t like it.

Would you appreciate his honesty? Or would you feel hurt ?

I was brought up to appreciate gifts as a token of love/thought someone had given you (I grew up in working class fairly poor family) so I would appreciate the gift for the thought behind it.

BUT I know that some people have a different view of gift giving so it really depends on if you and DP see gifts as transactional (you buy requested items only) or more relaxed.

butterpuffed · 07/12/2020 11:47

Say to your husband 'I can't wait to see which bracelet you got me for Christmas. Hope they hadn't sold them when you went, there were no others i liked'

Whyistheteacold · 07/12/2020 11:48

@2me2u2u2me yes sorry that wasn't very clear 😂 meant darling sis. She's a lot younger than me and saved up her pocket money to buy it 🥺😭😂 so I'm stuck with it

bettytaghetti · 07/12/2020 11:52

If you've got until January 31 to exchange, I would wait and see what this bracelet looks like on when you open it at Christmas. That way you can honestly say it's lovely but you really think you'd prefer one of the ones that you had previously looked at (presume you haven't actually tried any of them on yet?). Don't think he'd be offended by that.

My DH surprised me one Christmas with a beautiful and extremely expensive necklace, when I had been dropping hints for very much cheaper earrings. It is one of my favourite items of jewellery now, probably more so because he chose it.

Nottherealslimshady · 07/12/2020 11:52

I've never really got the idea of saying "I want this specific item as a present" I've always been more of a person to give a general idea and then the though is in the gift givers Really you might as well have just asked him for money. I wouldn't complain that it's not the specific one you wanted and I dont see how it can be similar but not something you'd ever wear.

bettytaghetti · 07/12/2020 11:53

Ps. I later got the earrings! Grin

ReallySpicyCurry · 07/12/2020 11:57

@SlopesOff slightly off topic but I'm dying to know what it was you had initially chosen!

yellowcatss · 07/12/2020 11:59

did you seriously look at what he bought you before Christmas

EmilySpinach · 07/12/2020 12:00

@PatriciaHolm

He's been upsold ;-) The sales assistant spotted indecision and managed to upsell him to something more expensive that "based on those, I'm sure she'll love it...."
Yes, this is almost certainly what’s happened. Tell him.
Comefromaway · 07/12/2020 12:01

My dad does this every year with my mum. It's so annoying.

She likes things that are classic and understated whereas he is much more ostentatious. I've been with him and tried to tell him that no, she wants this simple, classic gold watch, necklace etc but he thinks it's too cheap and buys her a bigger more expensive one encrusted with diamonds or whatever.