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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think stop shaming sanitary pads!

231 replies

BooFuckingHoo2 · 06/12/2020 23:44

I’ll call eat this by saying I have ASD.

From high school for me it was encouraged by teachers (PE) to “use tampons”. So from 12 I used tampons (painfully) because sanitary towels were considered “gross” or girls were worried they could be seen under their PE kit.

This carried on with “friends” causally by them being like ew who used pads.

I was twenty fucking six until I dared use a pad because I had a bad UTI and by god the relief was immense, no longer having to reluctantly shove things up myself. It’s not like “wearing a nappy” at all.

AIBU to think there’s a social pressure to use tampons?

OP posts:
beingsunny · 07/12/2020 07:45

I was at high school in the early 90s and we had an external person come in to do 'the talk' about feminine products and how to use them one afternoon and the recommendation was for all young girls to use pads, that tampons were more difficult and you should wait before trying to use them.

DeadButDelicious · 07/12/2020 07:47

I have never used a tampon in my life and have no intention of starting. I've always used pads. I don't like the idea of tampons or cups at all, I don't care if they are 'nappy like' I don't want to put anything up there at that time of the month thank you.

I don't remember ever talking about periods at school but I can certainly imagine the ops experience and I have heard of pressure from peers to use certain products.

SoupDragon · 07/12/2020 07:50

I’m not sure when slimmer profile pads came in but it was definitely later.

It wasn't later, they were available in the early/mid 80s. A brand called Vespa or Vesper. Only one brand though!

Anyway, DD is at an all girls school and is clearly not "shamed" for wearing pads as that's what she prefers. The only time I have ever encouraged her to use tampons was on holiday a couple of years ago as she couldn't go swimming unless she mastered them. I wasn't "shamed" into using tampons at school either, I genuinely preferred them.

No one should be shamed of what they choose to use. Hopefully it isn't as widespread as you think.

JohannaSpyri · 07/12/2020 07:54

I've always used both and dd13 too, but dd16 has never wanted to. I remember in year 9 (13) the PE teacher said they should wear tampons so they don't miss school swimming. I was annoyed, but in fact I continued writing notes to say she had her period and she was excused no problem. Not a word was said.

Tomorrowisanotherdayyouknow · 07/12/2020 07:55

I use tampons from choice. If you use the correct size for your flow there shouldn't be a problem. I used pads when I was younger and hated them due to the blood being outside the body and the mess/smell/feel of a pad.

Use what you want to use

Ginfordinner · 07/12/2020 07:55

Until I joined mumsnet I had no idea that towels were still so popular. I used Lillets from 18 until the menopause and never found them uncomfortable. I couldn't get on with applicator tampons at all. I had never heard of mooncups until after I stopped having periods. If I was still having them, then I would use a mooncup.

DD won't use tampons because she is afraid of TSS.

butterpuffed · 07/12/2020 07:56

Oh my god, not properly awake yet and misread the title as 'sharing' rather than shaming Shock

MrsMiaWallis · 07/12/2020 07:56

I strongly encouraged my dds to use tampons, one does, two don't. I think pads are far better now than they were.

m0therofdragons · 07/12/2020 07:57

I went to an all girls school in the 1990s and I wore pads. I started periods at age 9 so really wouldn’t have managed tampons. I now am so heavy I wear a tampon and a pad. It just wasn’t a thing so I’m really sorry you had some horrible girls in your year. It only takes one loud mouth and others to scared to contradict to create that atmosphere.

reluctantbrit · 07/12/2020 07:58

I only started using tampons when I was an adult and stopped after having DD. I did prefer them but as a teen I found them weird and uncomfortable. Most of my teen friends used pads (and that was before Always was invented).

I gave DD the choice but I taught her to use a tampon for sport and swimming. She uses period pants for 90% the time though but has a drawer with supplies for times the pants are not suitable.

Toesty · 07/12/2020 07:58

In the west there was pressure to use tampons circa 10 to 20 years ago. Things are different now and moon cups or diva cups are morr pushed.. even reuseable sanitary pads.

I grew up in the Middle East where non married women are forbidden from using tampons lest they 'defiled' their hymens. There used to be hardly any tampons on thr supermarket shelves (20 to 80% tampons to pads).

On MN i heard (read) derogatory comments about pads (not from an envitonmental point, but more like ew it's a nappy, you must smell, the noise and crackle of changing it, how shameful sort of comments). I think a lot of women internalised misogyny and their comments sting more because they are women, too.

myneighboursarerude · 07/12/2020 07:58

I get quite bad chafing sometimes from sanitary pads —yum— and I categorically cannot use tampons.

I switched to reusable pads a few years ago and my god I’ve never looked back!

TizzDeSeason · 07/12/2020 07:59

When I got my period (1990) most girls I knew started on sanitary towels but quickly progressed to tampons because the towels were so bulky and leak-prone.

I have to use a combination now in my 40s as my periods are so heavy, but I think with younger women and girls there is more choice now and it’s seen as a personal choice - not just whether you use towels or tampons, but reusable or disposable, moo cups, period pants etc.

Wowthisisreal · 07/12/2020 08:01

I agree there is pressure. If I tell someone I use pads it's always a surprise to them and there is an expectation that women use tampons. I've never liked Tampons and had one experience as teen when I put it in on a school trip (said pressure!) and I realised as soon as we left the hotel it wasn't in right but it was too late. It was uncomfortable all day and really put me off them. I think people do use pads but just don't talk about them for the reasons you have outlined. I now only use them if I go swimming etc. And even then I would rather not go swimming!

Moaningmyrtle65 · 07/12/2020 08:02

I wouldn't say I've experienced pressure because it's not something I've ever really discussed with anyone but I do agree that tampons are seen as the norm. I've never been able to use them they make me cringe. And I've always felt embarrassed for using pads as they were seen as childish. I do feel on the whole that tampons are probably more convenient and hygienic but if you can't get along with them then that's that. I use washable pants and pads now too, which again I feel like a lot of my friends would find gross even though they seem to be very popular on MN.

AngelDelightUK · 07/12/2020 08:02

Totally agree! I hate tampons, I find them really uncomfortable and can feel them. I’ve always been told that’s impossible and I obviously haven’t been inserting them properly.

I now use reusable pads and OMG they are a revelation. They are even more comfortable than the old style pad. Now I keep getting told I should use a mooncup, they look even more uncomfortable than a tampon

Lovemusic33 · 07/12/2020 08:04

I have never used a tampon and never will. I don’t feel any pressure to use them but have read a few posts on MN about people preferring them as pads are a bit gross, I guess that’s there choice.

Butchyrestingface · 07/12/2020 08:04

I’ve always used pads and never felt any pressure to use tampons.

If anything, I was steered away from using tampons by my mother, a kind of more is more girl when it came to health and safety and who had been spooked by a number of toxic shock cases in the press when i was a young teenager.

Only (slight) pressure I feel is to use reusables but so far, I haven’t found reusable pads that are as absorbent as one time use ones.

JohannaSpyri · 07/12/2020 08:06

Which reusable pads do you use?

vanillandhoney · 07/12/2020 08:06

@Toesty

In the west there was pressure to use tampons circa 10 to 20 years ago. Things are different now and moon cups or diva cups are morr pushed.. even reuseable sanitary pads.

I grew up in the Middle East where non married women are forbidden from using tampons lest they 'defiled' their hymens. There used to be hardly any tampons on thr supermarket shelves (20 to 80% tampons to pads).

On MN i heard (read) derogatory comments about pads (not from an envitonmental point, but more like ew it's a nappy, you must smell, the noise and crackle of changing it, how shameful sort of comments). I think a lot of women internalised misogyny and their comments sting more because they are women, too.

Why do you assume those comments are designed to shame rather than just being personal preference?

I can't stand pads for all the reasons you've just said - but I don't give a flying fuck what other people use.

But personally, I find them incredibly uncomfortable and impractical. They're bulky and I can't stand feeling the blood come out of me - it genuinely makes me nauseous and when I used them as a teenager it made me vomit more than once.

I've got ASD and struggle with lots of sensory things. It's not shaming to actively
prefer one product over another - surely on a women's forum we should all be free to share our preferences, be they positive or negative?

myneighboursarerude · 07/12/2020 08:10

@JohannaSpyri

Which reusable pads do you use?
They’re from holland and Barrett you can get them online they’re 14.99 for three but they’re often in the sale. I’ve had the same three packs for two years and they wash and wash and wash - aside from greying from the washing machine they’re like new.
MillieVanilla · 07/12/2020 08:11

Not tampons no, if anything when we were taught about sanitary products way back in secondary school so around 93/94 they told us tampons were a thing but could lead to toxic shock syndrome. Put me off for quite some time

What I do hate is the constant shoving in the face about Mooncups and similar.
I see it discussed here all the time.

Yes they are more environmentally friendly. But they're not practical for everyone and some will struggle with them like tampons.
I'm allergic to what they're made of so no good for me at all.

myneighboursarerude · 07/12/2020 08:11

The brand is Bloom and Nora and loads of sites sell them.

Piwlyfbicsly · 07/12/2020 08:14

I have never felt this pressure, ever. And I lived in more than one country too.

awwkkwwaard · 07/12/2020 08:14

Weird, I've never used tampons after the first couple of tries because a) they were bloody uncomfortable and b) they leaked. Mind you I have extremely heavy periods from day 1 until my hysterectomy. Never had any pressure - most girls when I was younger used pads...