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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think stop shaming sanitary pads!

231 replies

BooFuckingHoo2 · 06/12/2020 23:44

I’ll call eat this by saying I have ASD.

From high school for me it was encouraged by teachers (PE) to “use tampons”. So from 12 I used tampons (painfully) because sanitary towels were considered “gross” or girls were worried they could be seen under their PE kit.

This carried on with “friends” causally by them being like ew who used pads.

I was twenty fucking six until I dared use a pad because I had a bad UTI and by god the relief was immense, no longer having to reluctantly shove things up myself. It’s not like “wearing a nappy” at all.

AIBU to think there’s a social pressure to use tampons?

OP posts:
ChanklyBore · 07/12/2020 00:54

I have no idea what anyone else uses, and have never in my life been asked for a spare tampon or pad by anyone. Is that strange?

I have always used pads except when swimming, and never felt any pressure to use anything else, but then I’ve never had a conversation about what I use with anyone else either.

I’ve been on washable pads since I got what felt like chemical burns postpartum with my first child from a sanitary towel. Some of my washables have been going strong for 15+ years but I have period pants as well.

Staffy1 · 07/12/2020 00:55

I don't know how anyone can stand pads, they always end up in an uncomfortable wad up my bum. Tampons are much better in my opinion.

BrummyMum1 · 07/12/2020 00:55

I went to an all girls school in the 90s. There wasn’t any pressure or preference towards tampons. Never heard of this. Most of the girls I knew had a load of pads stuffed into their school bag and there was no teasing about it.

WednesdayChilds · 07/12/2020 00:56

I've not heard this either op. I can understand being embarrassed as a teen if everyone is saying negative things about pads, but hopefully that isn't common. I know at my all girls school a lot of the girls used them. I used to use tampons and pads but since having my DD have found tampons too painful so it's just pads for me. I don't discuss it with anyone else.

Highfalutinlootin · 07/12/2020 00:57

I agree with PP that there was a sense as a young teen that tampons were more adult and sophisticated, but I've never felt pressured as an adult since then to use one or another. Frankly I've never met an adult woman who asks or cares about what another woman chooses for something so personal.

I see the modern day zeal for tampons as a positive over-correction after millennia of women being limited in their activities due to our periods. Tampons have been an incredible tool for women's liberation and equality: you can't really swim or wear a bathing suit in public in a pad or do other very physical activities like riding, rock climbing, etc.

To me, feminismmeans supporting women having and making choices.

notangelinajolie · 07/12/2020 00:58

Nope. No pressure.

WednesdayChilds · 07/12/2020 00:59

I have no idea what anyone else uses, and have never in my life been asked for a spare tampon or pad by anyone. Is that strange?

In my secondary school when our periods were irregular I guess people were caught short sometimes so we did borrow from each other then. That was an all girl's school, perhaps it would be different in a mixed sex school. I have never asked or been asked as an adult.

HoppingPavlova · 07/12/2020 00:59

The only pad hate I’ve ever come across has been on forums like this with eco-warriors claiming anyone who uses them is the spawn of the devil and pushing mooncups.

dontgobaconmyheart · 07/12/2020 01:01

Definitely OP, and I'm sorry you've experienced shaming. I think some people don't realise how pervasive feelings of shame can be over the years, regardless of the topic.

I don't like tampons and have always used towels. I never heard any comments on periods mentioned at all by teachers but absolutely this was/is a thing among my peers. As teenagers tampons were the grown up and therefore cool option. As an adult I've had other women react as though I've said I've not grown out of nappies rather than that is my sanitary product of choice. Misogyny also seems to dictate that tampons are preferable presumably because they hide all evidence of (unclean Hmm) menstrual blood and goings on.

Ultimately you have to pity people who haven't got it together enough to let go of these misogynistic tropes about menstruation, especially when other women feel the need to posture that they are a better/cleaner/more put together/able to facolitate objects in their vagina and feel more of a 'proper' woman than others, it's a sorry set up for which misogyny is ultimately to blame.

Highfalutinlootin · 07/12/2020 01:02

Also want to add that tampons also represent a step forward in sex positivity for women. Most cultures have traditionally been very concerned about women's virginity and keeping the hymen intact before marriage. Tampons make that pretty much impossible, which has contributed to the sexist traditions around virginity and the hymen dying out.

Again, regardless of whether you personally choose to use them for comfort reasons, many rightly see tampons as a symbol of women's progress and liberation.

UndertheCedartree · 07/12/2020 01:05

I agrere there was a kind of expectation to use tampons - it was more grown-up. Personally I could never bare the thought of sticking a tampon up my vagina and have always used sanitary towels. Now there is more a move to reusable I may well try washable pads.

FortunesFave · 07/12/2020 01:08

It's a definite thing but one I always ignored. There's absolutely BUGGER ALL research into the damage tampons do...by leaving shreds of fibers behind in the vagina.

I advised both my DD's not to use tampons and they don't. Their mates don't either...most use ModiBodi type washable period underwear but we do live in quite a hippyish area.

FortunesFave · 07/12/2020 01:09

tampons also represent a step forward in sex positivity for women.

Well they don't do they? Not when there's no research into the safety of them.

mumduty · 07/12/2020 01:19

I've only ever used a tampon once and never liked it and felt like it gave me more cramps but at secondary school, there were girls who would leave their bags open with tampons poking out whereas me, I would hide my pads in inner zipped compartments and would feel embarrassed if anyone saw it as I felt like it was a 'older woman's thing'. When I start my period, I go to the toilet very often to pee (sorry tmi) and feel instant relief from the cramping when the bits and pieces flow out, so I can't imagine anything worse than something like like plug (tampon) holding it in. Pads can be annoying especially during the hot months and I hate the wrapper noise they make but they are comfortable and I wouldn't ever change.

GoldilocksAndTheThreePears · 07/12/2020 01:21

I'm a little shocked no one seems to use both, has to use both I mean. I'm probably really weird then, I have to use both or just never stop washing everything I sit on or wear. I tried a cup and preferred it, definitely lasted longer which saved time and money but sadly arthritis in the hands makes it too painful to use now. Not that a tampon is that much easier to grip but the tube makes it easier. I cringe at the waste though now, and I've never use plastic applicator ones again although they are a million times easier to use for hand problems, with the more rigid tube and 'lip' to help push the tube.

I never had any pressure or stigma in using one method or the other, but then I always found tampon wrappers can be just as noisy as pads. It's weird to think now but the only time I've ever been asked for anything it was more a desperate plea for literally any sanpro, we were at a carnival all mid teen girls and not a single one had any items! We ended up going to my aunts house as it was the closest for any of us which is when I learned about the menopause and wow periods actually stop and now all my friends have had it explained to them! Embarrassing for everyone, except my aunt.

raskolnikova · 07/12/2020 01:27

I've always used pads, as I think as a teen I was scared off tampons by warnings of TSS (probably an overreaction on my part, but whatever). I haven't experienced any negativity for it in real life - apart from maybe a guy who I was once seeing who seemed a bit surprised that I used pads - but I've noticed the stigma against pads on a couple of TV shows, so it presumably exists in some circles.

I don't understand why anyone would care which product another person uses though, seems bizarre.

Crustmasiscoming · 07/12/2020 01:27

I use both, depending on what I'll be doing and what I'll be wearing. I never thought there was any pressure to choose a particular kind of sanitary product. They are all gross, as was menstruating in general, according to the people I went to school with. Dirty and shameful. I don't think the type of product you used made any difference.

Guineapigbridge · 07/12/2020 01:41

The reusable options (Modibodi etc) are sooooo much nicer than the plastic ones.

Goosefoot · 07/12/2020 02:09

Yes, there was very much a sense that all girls would want to use tampons. And that it was very old fashioned to use pads, like going back to the old days when people thought it impinged your virginity or some such.

There was also no real allowance in sports like swimming or dance for pads, it was assumed you would use tampons right from the beginning if you were going to participate in these kinds of activities.

I gave up most sports at that time as a result - I would have loved to use tampons but could never make them work - at the time I had no clue why, it was only when I was older it became clear it was due to where my cervix was. In fact it was only after I had children that I could use a tampon or mooncup without significant discomfort, especially if I was going to be sitting, rising a horse or bike, or anything like that.

user686833 · 07/12/2020 02:15

They are gross because of how wasteful they are. Please consider cloth ones.

grassisjeweled · 07/12/2020 02:25

Yeah at school pads were kinda frowned upon.. Not as cool as tampons or whatever.

I always hated tampax as they are so uncomfortable.

VetiverAndLavender · 07/12/2020 05:35

I'm not having children, so not sending diapers to the landfill. Also, I've only rarely travelled by air, and would rather never do so again, if I can manage it. So no, I won't feel guilty for using disposable pads, if that's what's most comfortable and convenient for me.

I do think there has been some stigma against pads, but at some point I reached an age at which you I
longer cared what anyone might think. I hate tampons and will never use them. They aren't liberating to me, but I couldn't care less what other women choose to use. Personally, I'm grateful that pads have come so far and become so much more comfortable and effective.

rainkeepsfallingdown · 07/12/2020 06:46

Wasn't my experience.

The only pressure I'd had is from my mother, who refused to buy me tampons when I started. Pads all the way. I prefer tampons - on my less heavy days I do feel less gross - but only the non-applicator kind. I've never, ever got on with applicator tampons. I think I must be missing the point of them.

There's a certain pressure on MN to use a moon cup but like with many insane things MN, I just ignore it. We all need to get through our periods in the way that works for us.

Until I suddenly get a week's worth of sick leave every month that doesn't feed into my Bradford Score (i.e. when hell freezes over) and doesn't affect my job prospects, I'm going to use whatever sanitary protection makes me feel the least miserable. Women put up with enough shit.

vanillandhoney · 07/12/2020 06:50

I never experienced this in the early noughties.

That said, I can't stand pads - it's a real sensory thing for me (I have ASD), so tampons all the way. Pads make me feel nauseous just thinking about them!