'Good looking' gets away with far more shit behaviour.

[Trickyboy]

Just that really ... AIBU to think that 'good looks' be they male or female enable the holder of such a lucky chance in life to get away with so much more shit behaviour than those of us who are not so .. 'gifted' ..

Yes but they usually struggle more when their looks go

Definitely agree and it is possible to have been both. When you get older, fatter and make less effort, you get treated differently.

The child that bullied my son was an attractive child

I did notice that despite his bullying and reputation he won a leavers award in year 6 for ‘chapel attendance ‘

Little bastard

@gingingerbread

Attractive women don't fair as well as attractive men. Attractive men do well, get promoted, get away with stuff. When it comes to attractive women, other women tend to turn on them, are suspicious of them, men are only friendly with them if there is a chance of something more, or if the woman is willing to flirt with them.

There is plenty of evidence that taller men do better than short men in the corporate world.

@sofiaaaaaa

I’m 23 now and feel like I’m not as attractive as I used to be, but maybe that’s just COVID related. Before whenever I’d go out, random people would talk to me and ask me out pretty much every time I would leave the house. Whether that was Tesco or “out out”. Or friends of a friend would always ask about me etc before I even knew they existed as they saw me on my friend’s socials. I’m getting that “invisible” feeling now, but again could be COVID related as not everyone is as social as they used to be!

Regardless, being conventionally attractive definitely has its benefits. Doesn’t mean you won’t be treated like shit in some situations though.

At a mere 23yrs, that’s most certainly COVID related.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=KM4Xe6Dlp0Y

Not sure how to make a clicky link, but there's a Ted talk by a model who describes the phenomenon...

Yes, I think it’s definitely true and I have recently noticed the effects first hand. I lost over 3 stone this summer and due to lockdown a lot of people hadn’t seen me for a while so it was a big change all at once. Suddenly people (mostly women) who had previously ignored me at the school gates are coming over and making conversation. Very strange and quite disconcerting. I have no idea who some of them are! Maybe they don’t recognise me and think I’m someone new? People are also way more helpful in general and act like they actually see me rather than I don’t exist. FYI, I have gone from a size 16 to 10/12, so not what I would consider a crazy change, but definitely noticeable.

I think it depends what you mean by get away with stuff. One of my friends is absolutely stunning, without make up or doing anything to her hair she is just as beautiful- just so naturally gorgeous. Although she acknowledges without a doubt some elements of life are easier, she also got bullied by other girls throughout school, whoever she has dated she has been accused of being a gold digger or using them in some way as 'why would you be with him' (she does have quite an interesting taste in men), at work although she works bloody hard people are always saying well you only got where you are because of your looks, she suffers with depression and people are always dismissive and assume her life is perfect just as she is pretty, and although her social media was all private anyway; she used to receive so many disgusting messages from random blokes that she deleted them all and doesn't use it at all.

They might sound like minor things, but they add up, and as she has never broken the law or even got detention at school, she isn't using her looks in that way to benefit her. Her job requires professional qualifications and so I would not say she has benefitted massively by securing her role because of her looks. I guess the key is that she could, but meh.

I think I'm a good looking girl, I usually dress like a dosser but on the very rare occasions I dress nicely and do my hair my mind has been blown by the difference in treatment. Cars stopping more to let me cross, doors held open, smiles, faster service. Not just men, women too. It's quite sad really.

Yes face of an angel actions of a devil are old as the hills.
I'm sure it has downsides too.
I do notice the one lady who is very overweight definitely gets harsher treatment than others.
She does her job perfectly well I've had to tell colleagues to STFU for mocking her more than once.

I used to model before I had my son and got married. It's changed a bit now - I've put weight on and definitely showing more wrinkles but I guess I am still relatively good looking, not that I feel it.

At school it was horrific. I got called a whore, even though I hadn't slept with anyone! I remember a teacher pulling me up in class and saying in front of everyone "oh amimissingsomething,you'll be fine, you're one of those girls who marry rich and don't have to do much"
At the time I brushed it aside but I wish I didn't.
People may question me on this but I also have a really hard time making genuine girl friends. There can be a lot of jealousy. At uni it was really really hard, I barely had any friends and got told I was a gold digger (?!) because I modelled (?!) ....it wasn't much fun.
It's gotten a lot easier as I've become a mum.

Yes definitely. Overheard teachers exclaim in shock they cannot believe X is a bully. X will usually be white, blue eyed and blonde.

Yes it’s true BUT very good looking females also get treated appalling by some other women/girls. I’ve seen it happen with friends and colleagues.

Jealousy is a terrible emotion and it can actually be horrid for the woman/girl on the receiving end.

It's internalized misogyny which makes other females attack attractive ones. Like other posters have said, I was called all sorts of horrible names by nasty girls at school just because boys found me attractive and asked me out. I'm not boasting here, I was tall and slim with very good genes. Names such as skag, whore and birch by the school bully who fancies the boy who asked me out. She even attacked me outside of school. Nowadays I would hit her back the nasty piece of shit.

I was seen as ‘good looking’ when I was younger. As a child I had huge amounts of positive attention - people constantly commenting on the colour of my ‘golden hair’ and my looks. I realised quite early on that I was often treated differently to others.
As I went through my teens/20’s the positive attention continued and I know that I had an easier ride through life than others might. I was never badly behaved but I know I was treated (by teachers, bosses etc) more leniently.
However, conversely all the attention made me incredibly shy and it’s taken me years to learn how to manage that.

Psychologists seem to think so, certainly in the opposite sex. They also tend to get ahead in their careers more easily. I remember being told about a study that showed that in the average company the leadership team was generally significantly taller than the average workforce, for men this was often accompanied by a fuller head of hair and deeper voice.

Interestingly in all US elections since the campaigns were televised the candidate who is taller, has more hair and a deeper voice has won, until 2020 (although Joe Biden did have a deeper voice).

I am from a really grim background. I worked hard studying and working FT at the same time and got away from that life. That’s my greatest achievement but people have always said I’m very attractive, It made me very confident. When strangers in the street tell you your beautiful it does boost the ego. My old boss said when I was looking for a new job, you can talk yourself in to any job if you get an interview. I did and whilst it was just a fill in job as moving cities I got a job as a housing officer knowing sweet FA about housing. My sister is the same, she got a job working as head of marketing for a tourist board. She had never worked in marketing and read a book about the county having not lived there for more than a few weeks. We learned from the best though, our thoroughly evil but breathtakingly beautiful ex ballerina and model Mother could get anyone to do anything for her.

I’ve been both waves

Ducks for cover I’m pretty. This is not my opinion I’m regularly told I am by people. Often in quite an accusatory way

I think this post speaks volumes for the very real other side of the attractive coin. Why on earth should you have to "duck for cover" but reality is, you do

& bollocks. I'm taking your lead & coming out as an ex 10+ though I'm now pushing 60 & so though I don't look a complete bag of spanner's, I'm not what I was. I've modelled, could have done it professionally, but didn't want to, I've stood in for Elle "the body" McFerson as a fit model when she wasn't available etc etc

I have been offered jobs on my looks alone, which on occasion I've taken as I wanted the job & was qualified/skilled enough to do it, but even with the thought that I was strong enough to tell the boss where to go if he got too lecherous. Instead I got the love sick puppy following me around & would not leave me alone. I've had that several times in my life where you end up effectively stalked by someone who is never overtly sexual, so little you can complain or pull them up on, but they are like your friggin shadow, hang on every word & the rest of the staff of course jump to the conclusion you only got there because you're shagging the boss, no matter how good you are at the job. I've once had it from a woman too.

I've been chatted up & asked out by extremely high profile men, but I friggin hated the fact they were only interested in what I looked like, so never took any up on it. Attracted to my looks first became a real bug bare of mine, especially after strings of boyfriends who wanted the status symbol of a good looking girlfriend & didn't give a shit if I had a brain & personality to go with it.
I've been chased down the street with flowers several times in my life & no, that's also creepy & wasn't invited.
I've been stalked more than once,
I've been systematically bullied out of a job I loved, because I didn't "get fat & ugly" after my daughter was born. The ringleader was actually an old friend who wasn't coping with getting older herself & wanted to see me fall. No real friend there.
I could not walk down the street without getting catcalled & more often than not chancers trying to get my phone number, often with shite scams like "I'm a photographer" I'd love to photograph you, whilst talking to my 32fs 😏 usually several times in a short walk.
I love to sit on the beach on my own & read, I gave up shortly after moving to the coast became even in my bloody 40s chancers would not leave me alone
I've had a once close friend turn on me, because I was given flowers by a stranger when walking down the street & she didn't. I didn't want the flowers, or the attention, but she did & the jealousy & cattiness she levelled at me after that became unbearable.
I spent most of my youth like another poster above, hiding my looks behind way out punk hair & makeup, this cut out a lot of hassle by entitled wankers in the street, though I sometimes got grief for looking "weird" instead

Decent guys who saw me as a whole person, including my now husband, stayed away from asking me out, it was only ever the over confident arseholes wanting something to hang o their arm that seemed to be attracted to me. DH now says I was intimidating because everyone wanted me & he knew I was too good looking for him & would never have guessed I'd be interested in him. That's even though he's a very handsome guy himself

I could go on & on. Trust me, it has its benefits, but it has just as many, if not more flaws & I absolutely love the fact I can walk down the street now & mostly go unnoticed

I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm shallow in a few ways, because I value a variety of superficial qualities. I like people who are intelligent, funny, confident and yes, good looking. If someone isn't bringing at least one of those things to the table, then I'm unlikely to be friends with them.

None of those things are moral or personal qualities. They are superficial ones you can see immediately or after brief conversation with someone. Of the four, good looks are the least secure quality because a) they can fade and b) without one of the other two, or if they're actively stupid or dull, then I can't like them either, whereas I do like intelligent or funny people who are plain or dare I say it, aesthetically unpleasant.

(The confidence matter is more my issue than anyone else's. I'm no good at generating a conversation with a shy person so we end up equally mute, whereas I bounce well off a group or another confident person.)

Now before anyone rules me out as shallow, I'm actually quite picky about people's moral character. If someone treats me or anyone else or any creature badly, then I can't like them, regardless of the other qualities. But on the other hand I'm not friends with anyone who is just, say, kind or generous or sympathetic without having one of the superficial qualities also.

I think that this definition of superficiality probably captures 99% of the human population, if you grade intelligence as "about as intelligent as myself".

I think there are also different types of good looking, and that makes a difference. Women who are perceived as 'sexy' are treated very differently (and often worse) than women who are perceived as a wholesome kind of pretty

I agree with this. I don't think I'm particularly sexy & have never dressed to highlight my figure. I honestly don't think women are threatened by me. I went into the fashion industry after modelling which is 90% female & always felt supported not bitchiness. Never bullied at school & was pretty popular throughout. The only men who ever fell at my feet were ones I wasn't particularly interested in.

Why on earth should you have to "duck for cover" but reality is, you do

I think this is a hard one to quantify after all let's not forget Samantha Brick.

@wozzeree

Interesting & reassuring how your experience differs from mine in the same industry I was in. I guess bigger boobs on a small frame put me in the sexy good looks camp. Most people were fine, but there was definitely a large cohort who weren't

& I've already forgotten Samantha Brick 😕

My best friend has a friend who is a model and is very beautiful but she’s the biggest dick head I have ever met in my life.
She is foul. She gets drunk and abusive to her friends and boyfriend. She starts on strangers for being too ugly to be in her presence. She treats service workers like they are shit on her shoe. She is entitled and thinks she shouldn’t have to pay for anything because she’s soooo beautiful. She sucks up to people with “value”. I hate her and people like her.

I think it depends. Attractive people will get more chances and more if certain kinds of opportunities. They will also face bias if people deciding job offers, promotions, etc. perceive them as a threat due to their beauty.

@SingingInTheShithouse I'm in my 30s so maybe different times. I actually have big boobs for my frame but I'm quite straight if that makes sense. I was constantly told to lose weight because 90s/waifs, boobs were not in fashion!