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AIBU?

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Original poster

'Good looking' gets away with far more shit behaviour.

124 replies

Trickyboy · 05/12/2020 20:40

Just that really ... AIBU to think that 'good looks' be they male or female enable the holder of such a lucky chance in life to get away with so much more shit behaviour than those of us who are not so .. 'gifted' ..

OP posts:
Sadlonely67 · 05/12/2020 22:13

This can work against you though. Lots of "average" looking women can be quite hostile and unkind to attractive women.

Absolutely

XmasHollie · 05/12/2020 22:14

I'm meant to be good looking but no man wants me so who knows if its easier

MarshaBradyo · 05/12/2020 22:14

Yes I think so

gottakeeponmovin · 05/12/2020 22:17

Absolutely - you need to make the most of what you've got

ReallySpicyCurry · 05/12/2020 22:21

I've no doubt that this is true, seeing as there's research that says it is, but apart from one incident, I honestly haven't ever noticed it, either in relation to myself or in others.

The incident where I did notice it didn't involve an adult - it was a primary aged child who was incredibly pretty, like a little doll or a child from a Disney movie. She was also very charming - to adults. To children, she was a dreadful bully. But most adults had a blind spot where she was concerned. By the time she hit secondary school, she'd left enough victims in her wake that opinions started to change, however.

I am average looking in every way, however what I have noticed is that when I lightened my hair, I seemed more approachable.

DonnaQuixotedelaManchester · 05/12/2020 22:30

@RoyalChocolat. It’s stunning, isn’t it? I am a bit overweight now but wasn’t that overweight when I was younger but after training for something I got really toned and went to a size 8.

There were several other things that affected how I looked but I was certainly more comfortable in my skin as I was super fit - running miles each day easily - so my clothes fitted very well and I didn’t have loads of layers on. I didn’t move as awkwardly, etc so I get that all of that plays a part but I was stunned at people reactions. Up until then I had seen most men as unhelpful unless they needed something (obv some exceptions) and my female friends as friends! I had a real wake up call particularly when I experienced how nice and helpful men can be in general - ultimately I missed the pints in the pub and let the regime go and am back to invisibility 🤣

Original poster
Trickyboy · 05/12/2020 22:31

I am really interested in this subject hence the post. DH comes from the 'good looking' gene.. (think a 'softer' Daniel Craig' ... and has breezed through life 'chatting' his way out of scrapes and misdemeanours.. but now .. aged nearly 60 .. things have started to change . He is mystified. He doesn't believe he has had an easy ride.
I don't agree . He just doesn't understand how life is if people don't 'naturally' want to please you ..!

OP posts:
2020newbie · 05/12/2020 22:54

100% true
Not so much “good looking” and not really the same thing but I lost a lost of weight going from an 18/20 to size 12 and I was treated so differently. Like I actually existed, living in a small community I started being included in stuff I hadn’t before just because my appearance was different? I’m no different I just look different but it’s made me realise people definitely overlooked me before.

Zerrin13 · 05/12/2020 23:01

Beauty is worshipped

mena51 · 05/12/2020 23:06

So true and it's unfair! I did let my hot but rubbish ex boyfriend get away with so much shit and found it hard to get angry because I take one look at his hot face and forget why I was mad.

Gncq · 05/12/2020 23:13

This is really difficult to answer unless there is anyone on here who has somehow been both and has noticed a difference.

It's such an interesting thread.
I consider myself to fall into the category of a person who has been both unattractive and then "attractive" (quotation marks there so as not to big myself up)

I went through my early adulthood with tattoos, nose piercing, bad hygiene looked rather scruffy, and I tell you I got blamed for so many things that weren't connected to me at all in the slightest, various thefts, friendship fallouts, things I had no idea had happened were apparently my fault. I seemed to be the one person that problems could be explained away just by my very existence.
Then I lost weight, dressed more smartly got into makeup, had a bit of a makeover.

My internal character has never changed.
I've always been a person who treats people fairly, with respect and decency, but at the same time I'm still a normal person with flaws and emotional reactions like anyone else
The only thing that has changed is the way I dress, my figure and the way I wear my face.

I must say since I started looking more "standard" I haven't had near so many problems as before.

Smellbellina · 05/12/2020 23:18

As a teacher I would say true and starts early, it starts early and is something I try to make an effort to override.
On the plus side, it is true that everyone has different ideas of what they find attractive.
Also, I had a moment in ‘the sun’ of attractiveness, hated it, people seemed to see nothing else and it caused lower self esteem for me personally, I wore baggy men’s trousers, desert boots, cut my hair off and dyed it badly to get away from it.

MRC20 · 05/12/2020 23:22

Studies have also shown that attractive people who need emergency medical care have better outcomes than unattractive people.

PinkFlamingo888 · 05/12/2020 23:34

But could it be that attractive people are a bit more confident which therefore makes them more approachable and likeable?

sofiaaaaaa · 05/12/2020 23:37

As someone that constantly gets told they’re good looking...yes. I could probably get away with murder

Pretty much whatever negative thing I do, someone turns a blind eye. When I was 21 I crashed into someone’s Range Rover, but he said not to worry and asked me on a date! I was so nervous as first accident and thigh he was going to rip me apart. He never asked me for money or claimed on insurance.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 05/12/2020 23:43

Yeah but less chance of being creeped on and leered at so you know, it's six of one and half a dozen of the other

sofiaaaaaa · 05/12/2020 23:43

I’m 23 now and feel like I’m not as attractive as I used to be, but maybe that’s just COVID related. Before whenever I’d go out, random people would talk to me and ask me out pretty much every time I would leave the house. Whether that was Tesco or “out out”. Or friends of a friend would always ask about me etc before I even knew they existed as they saw me on my friend’s socials. I’m getting that “invisible” feeling now, but again could be COVID related as not everyone is as social as they used to be!

Regardless, being conventionally attractive definitely has its benefits. Doesn’t mean you won’t be treated like shit in some situations though.

Poptart4 · 05/12/2020 23:46

@dayswithaY

This can work against you though. Lots of "average" looking women can be quite hostile and unkind to attractive women.
This

My teen daughter is very pretty. This is not just my opinion. Complete strangers will compliment her regularly.

Shes on the receiving end of alot of hostility from other teen girls. They can be vicious.

Beauty is a doubled edge sword.

Porridgeoat · 05/12/2020 23:48

very attractive people can seem quite ugly if they have rubbish personalities.

CounsellorTroi · 05/12/2020 23:49

Yes it's true. I was always surprised that the courses we did at work on unconscious bias in recruitment etc never mentioned this.

msrobot · 06/12/2020 00:47

But could it be that attractive people are a bit more confident which therefore makes them more approachable and likeable?
But where did the confidence come from... perhaps being treated better? I don’t think we’d see a trend with attractive people being more likely to be confident if being attractive wasn’t perceived as more valuable

Not to mention there is even academic evidence where confounding variables (personality or skill) have been controlled for (e.g. applying to jobs with attractive / unattractive candidate photo - for both genders the attractive candidates had much higher success rate of being progressed to next stage).

gingingerbread · 06/12/2020 02:13

Attractive women don't fair as well as attractive men. Attractive men do well, get promoted, get away with stuff. When it comes to attractive women, other women tend to turn on them, are suspicious of them, men are only friendly with them if there is a chance of something more, or if the woman is willing to flirt with them.

RoyalChocolat · 06/12/2020 06:10

@DonnaQuixotedelaManchester the worst thing was my own mother's reaction. Up to then I had always been invisible, and she was an attractive woman.
I will never forget the look in her eyes when we were food shopping together and the man at the fruit stall complimented me. She looked so incensed that he actually took two steps back and blubbered something about where I got my beauty from.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 06/12/2020 06:27

Yeah look at Ted Bundy, I mean ultimately he didnt " get away" with much, but despite being a psychopath and necrophiliac serial killer, he had women falling over themselves even after he was convicted. Good looking people literally get away with murder.

SpectralPlot · 06/12/2020 06:39

I think there are stats on this aren't there? When it comes to job interviews for sure.

And then there is often an added element of sexism, racism, disabilism. Depressing but true.

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