Keeping this vague as I have spoken to a few people about this, although I've name changed. This is long so I don't drop feed.
I have a hobby that requires a certain piece of equipment. Let's say it's cycling. My "bike" was damaged accidentally a month or so ago and is irreparable.
I asked DH if he would buy me one for Christmas. I don't need or want anything else. To replace my "bike" is in the region of £300, so outwith our normal budget for Christmas gifts for each other but certainly affordable for him - it wouldn't make a significant dent in his back account.
I mentioned it again a week after I'd initially asked, saying I'd send him some links to ones that would be suitable if he wanted to pick one or should I just pick the exact one I wanted. He doesn't know anything about the type of "bike" I need and hadn't asked about my requirements. He looked confused, said he'd forgotten all about it, and purchased me a gift already. How he'd forgotten in a week, I don't know, but I didn't push the issue.
A suitable "bike" came up for sale locally for half the price of a new one. Perfect, I thought, and made arrangements to buy it. I told DH about it and he was annoyed, telling me he'd arranged a surprise and found one for free, he was collecting it this afternoon. I was, I admit, frustrated and said so. I told him I wasn't sure one that someone was giving away for free would be suitable or do the things I needed it to do. I likened it to me buying him a drill, he likes DIY, but getting him a cheap, underpowered one with a broken handle and expecting him to be happy with it when it wasn't suitable and I could afford a better one. He insisted I have faith and give it a chance, calling me ungrateful and unreasonable for being upset before I'd even seen it, I didn't trust him, etc. I relented and apologised, assuring him I'd give it a go.
Of course, it's awful. Old, clunky, doesn't do a third of the things my old one did let alone all features of the new one I had my eye on. It stinks of smoke and, while the basic functions work, it's not great at them. It's not fit for purpose. DH thinks I'm ungrateful and should be happy he got me a replacement, it's not what I want but I should suck it up and be happy he's so thoughtful.
The thing is, I don't have £300 to buy a new "bike" myself. He earns 10x what I do and although he pays all the bills (including childcare and grocery), my wage is for extras so Christmas presents fall down to me. Usually that's fine and I have spare money but it's Christmas and I've budgeted for all the DC gifts (and for him) and treats for this month, I don't have £300 spare and he knows this. I could use the joint credit card but this would cause a row no doubt. I don't often buy things for myself or ask for expensive items. If this were something I needed for any other reason - clothing, shoes, new glasses, etc - he wouldn't blink at the cost. I only participate in my hobby during the evenings/weekends when he's busy with his or when the DC are sleeping, it doesn't take away from my time with my family, so there's no problem there. If it were an item he needed for a hobby he'd buy it without consulting me and I wouldn't have a problem with it.
The way he's gone about this has made me feel manipulated and unappreciated. AIBU?