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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel pissed off by this..

95 replies

Survivingastorm · 05/12/2020 19:10

Ex and I don't have a good relationship but we do have a beautiful 2 yr old dd. There is a lot of history and in comparison to some of the things he has done this isn't the worst but has for some reason pissed me off.

He has said to me I don't need to pack clothes for dd as he has some for me to find they are from poundland and due to the poor quality haven't kept dd warm. Don't get me wrong I'm not a snob, but exp earns 80k and buys his clothes from good retailers yet he gets our dds clothes from poundland. I'm actually so mad, I earn less than 15k but I always make sure I buy quality clothes for dd (tu, george, next etc) I mean id much rather her be in good clothes than buy for myself and yet her dad has gone to poundland.

Does anyone else think aibu to feel this pissed off by it? Probably a build up of all the other let downs but I would have thought I'd be used to it by now

OP posts:
lughnasadh · 05/12/2020 19:13

There's not really a lot of difference in clothes from Poundland and the other supermarket/high street stuff.

I assume she owns a coat and jumper?

FoxyTheFox · 05/12/2020 19:14

YANBU to be annoyed about but you don't get to say what he dresses in her in during his time just as he doesn't get to during your time. Make sure you send her with a good, warm coat and warm vest/tights/socks

Original poster
Survivingastorm · 05/12/2020 19:15

He doesn't like me to send her with her coat, I always send her in woolen jumpers just to keep her warm.

OP posts:
LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 05/12/2020 19:17

I don't think it matters what he wants, it's winter, send her in a coat.

jgjgjgjgjg · 05/12/2020 19:19

You are being ridiculous and snobby. It doesn’t matter where clothes for 2 year olds come from. They grow out of or ruin them so fast that Poundland is a sensible option IMO.

By all means remind him that toddlers don't keep their temperature well and she might need more layers than he wears himself. And if she's nearer to 3 than 2, make sure she knows what cold feels like so she can recognise it and has language to say that she's cold.

Original poster
Survivingastorm · 05/12/2020 19:19

Well he picks her up in the car so I don't have her wearing her coat as it's quite big but maybe I'll buy a thinner one. When I have sent her with a coat he hands it straight back.

OP posts:
BlueDaysTillChristmas · 05/12/2020 19:22

As long as she is in age and weather appropriate dry clothing that fits it doesn’t matter where it came from, what it cost or what he earns (or what you earn).

RosesandPumpkins · 05/12/2020 19:22

Yeah sorry but you need to stop interfering.

lovepickledlimes · 05/12/2020 19:25

Could this be a potential power play on his side? my dad was very similar with me. My mum would pack me clothes to take with me to my grans and everyday he would simply lay out the clothes him and my gran bought for me etc. He would purposely do everything completely opposite from my mum etc

Findahouse21 · 05/12/2020 19:27

I buy dd's the odd 'nicer' item, but I don't see much point in spending huge amounts on their clothes as they grow out of them so fast. My winter coat is 5 years old so was worth spending £60 but I will get both children ones from either the supermarket, or on sale as a) I have 2 be mcause they're more likely to leave it at school or get it muddy so always have a spare and b) they grow so quickly that they've grown out of stuff well before it wears out. Dd has some pj's from pound land (it's not all £1 either) and they have washed so well, they're amazingly soft.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 05/12/2020 19:28

Presumably she has a coat when she goes out with him? So is it only for the few minutes of handover she has no coat and is not warm enough? If so I'd say pick your battles on this one.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 05/12/2020 19:28

He ought to put her in warm clothing, its December and the temperature is dropping atm. He's irresponsible

SmileyClare · 05/12/2020 19:29

Pick your battles Op. The children's clothes in Poundland aren't actually a pound, the prices are similar to Asda. I understand if she's not properly dressed for cold weather though.

I imagine this is an accumulation of things your ex has done to annoy you. It all sounds difficult, perhaps he purposefully tries to undermine you (e.g. taking her coat off and refusing to take it with him? How silly) He is perhaps controlling and purposely trying to wind you up.

Rise above that if you can Smile

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 05/12/2020 19:30

Confused you're just being snobby. I don't see how your Asda clothes are warmer than his Poundland clothes. Its not really any of your business where he buys her clothes to wear when she's with him. Same as what she wears with you is none of his business.

SmileyClare · 05/12/2020 19:30

Agree with LovePickled

Original poster
Survivingastorm · 05/12/2020 19:31

They aren't weather appropriate which has been discussed with him. To be honest I think I'm projecting, he doesn't take any interest in dd only when it comes to overnight stays.. doesn't ask how she is even when she has been in hospital and extremely ill shown no care at all and never has done and I think this for me is just like another thing. That sort of I can afford to live this lifestyle and splash cash but I'm going to buy the cheapest thing possible for my dd. Also I'm not interfering I wouldn't bring up the fact that they're from poundland it just truly pissed me off.

OP posts:
Lou98 · 05/12/2020 19:31

YABVU about not wanting him buying her clothes from Poundland. You mention George as one you buy from, I have clothes for myself from both George and Pep and Co (Poundland) and the quality is the same. They grow so fast at that age. It isn't the buying from Poundland that's "not warm" 🙄

Had your post been that he doesn't put a jacket on her when they're outside then I'd agree with you, but it isn't, your point is about where he chooses to buy her clothes, definitely very snobby

sofiaaaaaa · 05/12/2020 19:32

How do you know she’s cold? And then tell him your reasoning and ask him to buy her some layers

feministbias · 05/12/2020 19:32

When dsd used to come over we'd quite often get her changed into something cheaper and more appropriate to romping about in the mud in a her mum would deliberately send her in light expensive stuff and hit the roof if we sent her back dirty.

His time his rules

Soubriquet · 05/12/2020 19:33

I see where you’re coming from

It’s the fact he will spend top dollar for himself but would get half decent clothing for his own daughter

And why won’t be allow a coat?!

sofiaaaaaa · 05/12/2020 19:35

I agree that it doesn’t matter where he buys her clothes from. She’s only 2. The clothes she has now won’t last her longer than a few months as she will continue to grow. Whereas adults generally will get more wear out of their clothes so his own buying choices are fine. It makes sense to get the cheaper option for toddlers - it’s not like he’s put in her in ripped, tatty, dirty clothes is it?

Original poster
Survivingastorm · 05/12/2020 19:35

@lovepickledlimes you are probably right. The relationship was abusive, once he lost control of my he started on dd to control me at which point I left. One of our battles was him taking dd out at 6 weeks old in November in just a short sleeved bodysuit and a blanket.. so he knows not dressing her properly will get a reaction from me.

Also I'm not trying to be snobby as I wouldn't look down on others who brought from poundland, but I do think it's just another thing so it feels bigger than what it really is.

OP posts:
MoMoxX · 05/12/2020 19:36

YANBU

I don’t understand why people are calling you a snob, I would dress my children before I dress myself!

mollypuss1 · 05/12/2020 19:36

Despite what you may think, you are a snob.

A t-shirt from Asda wouldn’t keep her any warmer than a t-shirt from Poundland. If she is cold then the issue is not where the clothes come from but the fact she’s not wearing enough seasonally appropriate clothes.

sofiaaaaaa · 05/12/2020 19:37

All you can do is involve the courts and get the access sorted through there, where you can raise your concerns that he isn’t dressing her appropriately and therefore there are safeguarding concerns

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