Aibu to feel pissed off by this..

[Survivingastorm]

Ex and I don't have a good relationship but we do have a beautiful 2 yr old dd. There is a lot of history and in comparison to some of the things he has done this isn't the worst but has for some reason pissed me off.

He has said to me I don't need to pack clothes for dd as he has some for me to find they are from poundland and due to the poor quality haven't kept dd warm. Don't get me wrong I'm not a snob, but exp earns 80k and buys his clothes from good retailers yet he gets our dds clothes from poundland. I'm actually so mad, I earn less than 15k but I always make sure I buy quality clothes for dd (tu, george, next etc) I mean id much rather her be in good clothes than buy for myself and yet her dad has gone to poundland.

Does anyone else think aibu to feel this pissed off by it? Probably a build up of all the other let downs but I would have thought I'd be used to it by now

I totally get where you are coming from op. My ex done something similar, would buy himself top dollar and on the one and only ocvasion he bought ds clothes he got a used bundle of ebay...iv nothing against used clothes of ebay, iv bought them myself but when someone is sitting with money you know they are sending you an underlying message..absolutely nothing to do with snobbery...hes just trying to control and hurt you..rise above..hard as that is

As long as she is being dressed appropriately it doesn,t matter where the clothes come from.

@Edel2019 as stated dd wasn't warm but it wasn't about it from being poundland. Just couldn't figure out why I was so annoyed by it

@Edel2019 op did later say that the issue is not so much the price of the clothes but that she comes back cold as he does not dress her warm enough.

I haven’t read the whole thread, only your original post but YANBU.
I would imagine he can afford more than Poundland clothing, sorry if that makes me a snob.
I’m not sure what pp Poundland stores are like, they must be exceptional to stock Asda quality clothing IMO.

Poundlands clothing is absolute shite. YANBU I'd go fucking crazy. Primark's clothes are in the same price range as poundland and better material! No excuses.

Hi Op
I get it where you are coming from with this..

Your ex spends good money on himself,but on his little daughter he buys as cheap as possible,not caring whether her clothes are warm enough/weather appropriate.
(Even though you have told your ex before that you are concerned the clothes are of such poor quality not warm enough for her,(he still insists on ignoring (underming your genuine concern as a good enough mum..
(Your genuine concern does not have anything to do with Poundland Brand,you just care,(i can't understand why he, my ex can't be bothered to make an effort to buy enough quality clothes/weather appropriate clothes at a reasonable price for her ?

Your ex only only makes a big thing of looking after your daughter for overnight stays,as it makes him look good,
(almost like he is doing Op a favour by helping her out in that way !
(Its for show,
As most of the time he could not care less about her( especially when our daughter has been. !!!
(the issue about him not wanting
his daughter to have a jacket, even when its freezing cold in December,

(I wonder if this is just, a subtle way to undermine way Op.
One Poster asked how do you know if a 2yr or 3yr olds are cold?
Its quite easy if you check their small hands are cold, or if they are shaking a bit/or by their facial features its not rocket science is it !

At 6months old in November we would often have battles on my concern of our daughter wearing inadequate weather appropriate items of clothing
Such as my ex putting our daughter in a short sleeved bodysuit and blanket in the height of bitter Cold winter monthsmonths

(Why does my ex have to score points, to such an extent it Compromises, Our small daughter's well being ??

Its just not fair my ex does this to our daughter.
I am frankly fed up of my ex using my daughter as pawn to get back at me as her mother,
Just because I am no longer a mug/push over like I was in the past in abusive relantship with my ex my little girls daughter dad.

My ex cause he can't no longer emotionally manipulate me,

He my ex Often the tries to get back at me for finishing this relantship with him.
By provoking a reactions often so than can still carry on undermining me showing me things haven't changed that much, that he my ex can still can be corceive, etc
He my likes to get kick out of doing this..

He knows, everybody knows being a single parent can be a hard at times, but my ex insists on making that much stressful for me,

Hi Op

I really can not understand why on earth most of the other Posters could not understand your ex is a emotionally abusive to you,
That he your ex is in the wrong not dressing your small daughter properly in wrong weather clothes often/most of the time and he battles over this..

(Does he your ex and other Posters
realize what Op ex is doing is called Child neglect it is allways important for a child especially a very small child to wear the right type of clothes,especially a small child may not be able to express adequately how they feel,or be able to regulate body temp well..

Op I think the problem with thread is that a hell of a lot of Posters thought mistakely you were being snobbish, up yourself in a high horse looking down sort of Arrogrant way..

I say that is all Bull shit I got it Totally !!!

(Op unfornately for you some of the Posters were not "switched on "
enough to be more understanding towards you,
They should have been !
Its not rocket science to understand your Thread..
It was the Poundland Brand thing, that confused/fried/dazzled some Posters empathy part of their minds human beings are suspose to possess !!!
Which is a not good really..

Hope you are ok, at least a couple/few got it Op

You are in the right by the way,(just cause most of other Posters didn't get it it does not mean you were in the wrong..

It was Just the way Op you put came across in your Thread, that started off negative Posters its quite interesting how one or two Posters can set the scene for the rest of all/most of the Posters quite weird how this was in your situation..

Hi Op

Your ex is cruel nasty manipulative Arse hole

What your ex is doing towards your daughter is essentially child/neglect child Abuse
He even neglects your daughter,when she been in hospital./only wants to know his daughter when he feels like it...

And you get the worry. Concern of social services causes of your ex??wtf.!!!

Not defending him here but If he is picking her up in a car he is correct to take her coat off. Children should not be in a winter coat in a car seat. Have you asked him. If she’s going straight inside the other end that’s fine. Google thick coats in a car accident. A thick coat can render a car seat useless.

You’re not a snob at all OP. Their clothes are shite and he’s on 80k. He can more than afford to pay a bit extra for better quality clothing for his child. It’s not like you want him to buy designer clothes is it? A few bits from Asda isn’t snobby

Yanbu...he sounds a nasty cunt and neglectful 😡

I know she is cold as she returns shivering
I don't see your link tbh.
If she's been in a warm car, then ran/dashed into your home and that's perfectly normal.

@gah2teenagers I am aware of this which I made sure I informed him of. Long story short first few times I handed the coat only to have it brought up in court that I was dressing her inappropriately i.e. no coat. Then I put the coat on her, he would remove which is fine and then drop and leave it on the floor.

And definitely not designer clothes, just warm quality clothes as opposed to the cheapest thing he could find that isn't good quality. For while yes I'll get items from asda I check what material it is, how warm itll be, when it comes to dd I don't shop just based on the price of an item.. I brought dd a woolen all in one that was expensive but as dd has sensory issues plus possibly autism and the fact it had flaps on the hands (she hates gloves) I brought it. I would always equally by a £5 pack of bodysuits for her if they were good quality.

[quote Survivingastorm]@gah2teenagers I am aware of this which I made sure I informed him of. Long story short first few times I handed the coat only to have it brought up in court that I was dressing her inappropriately i.e. no coat. Then I put the coat on her, he would remove which is fine and then drop and leave it on the floor.

And definitely not designer clothes, just warm quality clothes as opposed to the cheapest thing he could find that isn't good quality. For while yes I'll get items from asda I check what material it is, how warm itll be, when it comes to dd I don't shop just based on the price of an item.. I brought dd a woolen all in one that was expensive but as dd has sensory issues plus possibly autism and the fact it had flaps on the hands (she hates gloves) I brought it. I would always equally by a £5 pack of bodysuits for her if they were good quality.[/quote]
I think that yabu and hey up over a brand name.

Who knows the logic of his shopping choices. But I think that you risk looking unhinged focusing on this small detail.

Curiosity has got the better of me. And financially, there's no real difference between a coat for a girl from poundland to primark and asda.

And think you risk sounding obsessive about it and as though only you understand her needs etc, re what you believe are sensory issues, yet he is managing just fine! Be careful, as this could easily be turned around as you having the issues you're projecting....

Imo you'd be better off being less emotive about the little things and look at the bigger picture.

And as I said before, her shivering after being in a warm car and dashing to your house is NORMAL. Gosh, every time we get out of our car and dash to the house my child will declare, "I'm freezing", does that and the fact I don't shop in Next mean I'm a bad parent? No it means it was warmer in the car than it is outside, so we shiver to keep the body heat in!

You need to separate is she dressed appropriately from is she dressed the way you would like. If you are genuinly worried hat she is not being dressed appropriately then you need to tell him. And if it continues then you need to get external services involved.

Wow I have already stated she was inappropriately dressed several times and that social services are involved because of this amongst other issues. I have also said I realised now it isn't about where the clothes were brought but because I couldn't understand why I was so annoyed by it.

@MotherExtraordinaire do you put your children in the car with just a short sleeved top in the middle of December? I didn't say he was a bad parent for not shopping at next, people shop were they need to based on the needs of their child and their financial situation.. as I've realised he has done many things that show he lacks capacity to parenting things social and the courts have picked up on and I wouldn't ever bring this up in court or stop contact because he went to poundland. This thread wasn't to debate his parenting, I know what kind of parent he is, I just couldn't figure out why I was pissed off by the branding he chooses.

As for her sensory issues he isn't managing but my mentioning of that wasn't to highlight he isn't managing merely to show I shop where I need to based on quality. And yet ex has always gone to the cheapest places, got inadequate clothes, refused to take her coat then tried to raise in court that I'm dressing her inadequately.

Again your mentioning shopping in the cheapest places. This to me is not the issue.

OP you are clearly trying to work out in your own head why you are upset by this. That's because abusers manipulate you to doubt yourself. You have every right to be upset. Don't get side-tracked by some of the responses on here. People love to pick up on tiny details and tell you off for phrasing things in a less than ideal way. It's not about Poundland is it?

I bet you wouldn't be upset if you knew your dd was warm and being taken care of, wherever the clothes came from. It's really upsetting even as a stranger on the internet to think of a young child being cold to the point of shivering and not having someone who will care and dress them properly. It's abuse. And he will be getting off on the fact it's upsetting to you and you can't do anything about it. He shouldn't be having contact with her. I'm very glad you've shared this with social services because it's the little things that mess with your head and which can be damaging but they're still abuse.

You are being a good mum caring about this and I hope he doesn't get away with it.

God @Survivingastorm, is it more or less annoying what your ex does than people not even bothering reading all your posts?!

I jest. He sounds like and absolute bellend, imagine being willing to let your child, a toddler, be cold and uncomfortable because you think it gets one over her mother?! What a pathetic excuse for a human being.

Read what @TheAdventuresoftheWishingChair said above, she’s on the money.

Good luck with everything.

@TheAdventuresoftheWishingChair

OP you are clearly trying to work out in your own head why you are upset by this. That's because abusers manipulate you to doubt yourself. You have every right to be upset. Don't get side-tracked by some of the responses on here. People love to pick up on tiny details and tell you off for phrasing things in a less than ideal way. It's not about Poundland is it?

I bet you wouldn't be upset if you knew your dd was warm and being taken care of, wherever the clothes came from. It's really upsetting even as a stranger on the internet to think of a young child being cold to the point of shivering and not having someone who will care and dress them properly. It's abuse. And he will be getting off on the fact it's upsetting to you and you can't do anything about it. He shouldn't be having contact with her. I'm very glad you've shared this with social services because it's the little things that mess with your head and which can be damaging but they're still abuse.

You are being a good mum caring about this and I hope he doesn't get away with it.

This in bucketloads.

Ignore the posters being keyboard warrior pedants.
Poundland clothes are mostly shit and its symbolic of how little care he has for his own child.
He should be ashamed.

Yes I agree that he just sounds like a bellend, letting his child go cold just to spite you and her.

Unfortunately the world is full of bellends like him. He’s just the sort to not brush her teeth or hair while he has her, and let her drink fizzy pop and eat sweets instead of fruit and veg. Partly he’s doing it to get a reaction from you, partly because he’s an abusive twat.

Yanbu I would be pissed off two! Why is he dressing your child in poverty clothes yet can afford to dress himself in expensive clothes? I didn't even know you could get clothes from poundland! So are you telling me he spends a pound on each item of clothing?!

Too*