I don't want my kids to be vegetarian

[HowToTrainYourTeen]

DC (15 & 13) have decided they want to go vegetarian. I don't want to go vegetarian and neither does DH, so they'd have to have different meals. I/DH don't want to be wasting time making 2 different meals whenever we want meat or fish, and we don't really have space for 2 people to be cooking at once. WIBU to say no?

It’s really not difficult to cook veggie and non veggie meals together, I do it most days

It’s not that I feel morally superior. However I do think it’s wrong to feed your children a plate of two veg in an attempt to discourage than from going vegetarian. Not only it is nutritionally inadequate but it’s also very unethical. Going vegetarian is a valid ethical decision that can, when done healthily, have numerous health benefits. Why on earth would you have a problem with that? Nobody is telling YOU what to eat.

The problem is expecting parents to suddenly spend twice a long in the kitchen preparing 2 or 3 possibly 4 different meals (I have 4 kids, they could each have different ethical choices if you go there) when I do not agree that meat and fish are a wrong choice anyway.

So I wouldn't FORCE them to eat meat, my solution is to serve them the veggie option of the meal. Funnily enough, their vegetarian phase doesn't last. Whilst they enjoy the luxury of living with us, they have to put up with our ways 🤷

I do love the irony of it all, especially after battling hard to make them eat vegetables in the first place 😂 Good thing we didn't listen to them then isn't it?

@NoPainNoTartine

If your kids are so "MORAL", teach them about sweat factories, slave labour, animal testing, life condition of kids dealing with our leftover electrical equipments...

and ask how consistent they will be with their choices. That helps too.

Asking them to buy their eggs locally instead from the supermarket doesn't last long either

What kind of creep gets a kick out of disrespecting and manipulating their own children?

What I have noticed however, is posters who clearly have zero respect for their children

you know you only say that because you disagree with omnivores poster. You don't talk about "respect" about any other decision made by the parents...

I'm vegetarian and DS1 decided to go vegetarian a few years ago. I expect DS2 will have a go at some point - I'm fine with whatever he chooses.

DH eats meat and loves nothing more than chucking ham on top of a meal to perk it up. I couldn't give a shit. I'm not vegetarian to feel superior, I'm vegetarian because it suits me.

TibetanTerrier
what kind of hypocrite is being a vegetarian for ethical reason but is happy to shop in Primark, wear a leather jacket, leather boots, use computers and mobile phones and ignore the effect of THESE on others?
You can't have it both ways...

The kind of hypocrite who knows no one is perfect but tries to do what they can within their means ?

@NoPainNoTartine

What I have noticed however, is posters who clearly have zero respect for their children

you know you only say that because you disagree with omnivores poster. You don't talk about "respect" about any other decision made by the parents...

I eat meat. My husband eats meat. My children eat meat. If any of them decided they no longer wished to eat meat, I would respect that. Why wouldn’t I? I make many decisions for my children, but forcing them to eat something they don’t want to is not one of them.

YABU not to let them cook for themselves even if it inconveniences you.

I didn't let DD become completely vegetarian at 14 though. At that time I wasn't convinced she could eat a healthy diet.

You can't do everything, Tibetan.

Vegetarians go as far as they can.

Vegans go a lot further.

I don't think it is difficult to cook a vegetarian meal and a similar meal with meat. A lot of the cooking will be the same, you just need two pots. For example, pasta dishes of various kinds, variations on cottage pie, etc. The important thing is for the vegetarians to have sufficient nutrients (and plenty of omnivores don't have that).

I think one of my girls will most probably ultimately go vege. She eats a couple of bites of the meat at most meals.

They're old enough that if they want to go vege, they can prove to me that they can plan and produce a balanced diet for themselves.

I do one meal per meal per day. There is a choice. Eat it or don't.

I'm sorry, I don't covet the polishing of the martyred mother badge.

@NoPainNoTartine

It’s not that I feel morally superior. However I do think it’s wrong to feed your children a plate of two veg in an attempt to discourage than from going vegetarian. Not only it is nutritionally inadequate but it’s also very unethical. Going vegetarian is a valid ethical decision that can, when done healthily, have numerous health benefits. Why on earth would you have a problem with that? Nobody is telling YOU what to eat.

The problem is expecting parents to suddenly spend twice a long in the kitchen preparing 2 or 3 possibly 4 different meals (I have 4 kids, they could each have different ethical choices if you go there) when I do not agree that meat and fish are a wrong choice anyway.

So I wouldn't FORCE them to eat meat, my solution is to serve them the veggie option of the meal. Funnily enough, their vegetarian phase doesn't last. Whilst they enjoy the luxury of living with us, they have to put up with our ways 🤷

I do love the irony of it all, especially after battling hard to make them eat vegetables in the first place 😂 Good thing we didn't listen to them then isn't it?

I don’t think the OP needs to spend twice as long in the kitchen to accommodate her children’s wishes.

If she is cooking fish, chips and peas, she could give them veggie sausages instead. Same goes with a roast. This would take literally no extra time. If she only gave them the veg part of the meal, for example, just chips and peas they would likely have sub optimal levels of protein and other key nutrients so I think that’s abit irresponsible to do as a parent.

Saying that the children are old enough to take some responsibility and help mum in the kitchen to ensure her work load is not increased.

Other examples, chicken curry... Add chickpeas leave the chicken out till last minute. Chilli... add beans and leave mince out till last minute. Cook meat separate and add last minute. Or get them in the kitchen helping to make a separate pot of something. If you are doing a chicken stir fry, just have two pans going.. one with chicken and one with quorn. This would take five minutes extra time. Get kids to help wash up the extra pan.

It really needn’t be extra work. Five minutes here and there. Not a big deal especially if kids are doing their bit and helping mum.

Oh, and I'm already doing coeliac/non-coeliac.

Two years I had to have this hell. I wasn't happy but it wasn't my choice. The only thing I insisted on was that it had to be done properly, all food groups, no trash food, real meals etc, this might put them off

I do love the irony of it all, especially after battling hard to make them eat vegetables in the first place 😂 Good thing we didn't listen to them then isn't it?

That is so condescending.

@NoPainNoTartine it seems as though you've met the wrong vegetarians. I don't feel morally superior one bit but believe that when we all live under one roof we should respect each other's choices and make amends where possible. This does not mean I want the parents to be vegetarian but for them to have an open conversation about it how the parent feels and how it might get difficult, let the children express their views, let them come up with alternatives as well as the parents and how this new situation can be dealt with at home.

Shouldn't we as parents in a safe way support our children's choices, guide them and be their gentle leaders rather than force our beliefs upon them? We might learn something - this is the next generation, our views might be outdated and can be re-reviewed. Children, especially teenagers should not be moulded into what we see as right or wrong - mutual respect is very important to me especially with my children, all people really. I don't want to be my children's superior, I want to walk beside them, guide and not stand over them their entire lives.

I went veggie at about 10 or 11. My mum was amazing and just took it in her stride and cooked various things for me. I'm still veggie 40 years later, and always felt grateful to my mum for being so understanding and supportive. I don't think we'd have had such a good relationship if I'd had memories of my beliefs being ignored/laughed at and being forced to eat something I couldn't stomach or not allowed an alternative.

You could have family veggie meals a couple of times a week - which many families probably do anyway, without necessarily thinking of it as veggie. Stock up on veggie options to substitute for when you have a meat & veg type meal - Linda Mccartney type things, veggie burgers, etc. And then ask your dcs to cook when it's not possible to make a veggie version of your recipe.

@Lizadork I wasn't allowed to give up meat until I left home for university. It was our house our rules. My folks thought it was a ridiculous fad. I was vegetarian by Christmas of the first year away. Everyone said I'd soon get sick of it but 25 years on I still haven't magically started liking meat.

I'm sceptical of the moral choice arguments. I wonder if it would be the same if the child of an atheist decided to keep kosher or halal etc. There are a lot of posters in this thread who think that it should be supported because it's a moral choice that they think is right in the first place. What if it were flipped and the child of a vegan decided it was unhealthy not to eat meat?

I wouldn't force a child to eat meat, but it's not a moral question for me; it's about successful parenting.

I think it's fine to tell a teen that they can make moral choices, but making more work for you is another question. They're not toddlers who can't cook themselves a meal. If they want to eat differently they can chip in and cook too. I don't think it's a particularly good lesson to children to teach them that they can have their own way on someone else's labour (and let's be honest in the majority of households this still falls on Mum not Dad).

Going veggie has made my teen eat far more vegetables! We started out with a very restrictive palate of Quorn and cucumber and avocado. Over time, using meal boxes and eating out, she eats all kinds of vegetables she would have never eaten before. I love vegetables anyway and pulses so eating a chickpea curry instead of a chicken curry is no issue for me, I'll eat either!

When you are having a meat and veg meal it's no extra effort to have frozen veggie sausages and bakes. Many pasta dishes are curries are veggie, resorting to ready meals as required

I don't think it's a particularly good lesson to children to teach them that they can have their own way on someone else's labour (and let's be honest in the majority of households this still falls on Mum not Dad) nope, my 15 year old cooks twice a week for the whole household, and more times for herself, it's absolutely propelled her along cooking-wise.

I agree that if it all falls to mum and dad, then you could go the 'suck it up' route, it's quite an old-fashioned way of parenting though compared with chatting about it and being a bit flexible (e.g. you both agree to cook one veggie dish each per week, the rest of the time they get a side of pre-prepared Quorn/veggie ham/quiche or whatever, and work your way up to trying more veggie food).

I genuinely cannot see the health benefits of things like quorn or ready meals.

Also I'm fairly dogmatic about children eating family meals not separate kids meals, being fussy for no reason etc. But it's fine to have preferences still. I love all fish and seafood, DH likes some not all and DC likes a very small selection. If I want something that I love then I don't force them to eat it. I'll cook the same sauce/ sides etc but maybe do Quorn instead of fish for DC or a different fish. Really no more effort.

@NoPainNoTartine

I genuinely cannot see the health benefits of things like quorn or ready meals.

I can’t see the health benefits of red meat or cheese.

I’m a lifelong vegetarian and I have only tried quorn a handful of times, I don’t eat ready meals, but I did once try some packet noodles, it was like slimy salt.