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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She doesn’t have a bedroom

42 replies

Totp1990 · 05/12/2020 12:58

Sort of inspired by another thread.
Our 2.5 year old Dd doesn’t have a bedroom of her own, is that normal/ok?
We have a two bedroom house and live abroad, so we tend to use the other room as a spare room for my parents/family who come over a few times a year.
The plan was to make it into a nursery before she was born and have a put up bed for guests or give them our room. With all the craziness of pregnancy etc, it never happened. Dd co-sleeps, we have her large cot bed attached to ours and I still bf to sleep.
We’ve just cleared all the spare room out and are planning the decor for her room now, is that weird that she’ll only probably have her own room at nearly 3 years old? She has so many lovely toys downstairs and in the garden as that’s where she plays.

OP posts:
Givemeabreak88 · 05/12/2020 13:01

My 3 year old is still in my bedroom but that’s because my other daughter has autism so can’t share a room. I wouldn’t worry

Osteomancer · 05/12/2020 13:01

if you're old enough to have a child, then you are old enough to make your own decisions about where they sleep

Why are you even worrying

HazelWong · 05/12/2020 13:03

I think there are two different questions. Is it normal? Not really, I don't think many people are still doing sidebar cot at 2.5 especially if they have a spare room. Is it ok? Well, yeah, in that all of you have been happy with it.

VestaTilley · 05/12/2020 13:27

I think it’s later than usual, but you’ve set out reasons for why it is - the bigger problem you may have now is getting her to accept it, but she will in time.

I think it would be mean if you were deliberately depriving her of a room - and space - of her own, but provided she’ll have one soon then it’s fine.

BuffaloCauliflower · 05/12/2020 13:29

Co-sleeping is completely fine and normal for humans, and has been the norm for our entire existence until recently, and only in the weird West. If you’re all happy with the setup don’t worry about it.

BuffaloCauliflower · 05/12/2020 13:29

*and only now isn’t the norm in the West

Audreyseyebrows · 05/12/2020 13:33

Not a problem at all unless she’s showing signs of wanting her own space and not wanting to co sleep.
If it’s working for you don’t change it!

Wynston · 05/12/2020 13:38

My boys have a room they share......every night I feel their little bodies come into my bed. They are 4 and 8........the eldest wont do it for much longer he is growing up and is wanting us less now.
Enjoy them being small we have them for such a small amount of time

LastChristmas20 · 05/12/2020 13:47

My DD did have her own room, but there wasn't a bed in it until she was 3 and a half.

Do what suits you. X

20wedding19 · 05/12/2020 14:17

My ds is only 6 weeks old but due to circumstances won't have his own room till 2 and a half/3 years old. Dont think its a problem at all. As someone said upthread, its a lot more "normal" in other countries

Waveysnail · 05/12/2020 14:19

That's fine. We were the same with our first. The two other bedrooms needed gutted but we were broke and trying to get house up to scratch. So our dc was around same age when he went into his room.

Msfoxy17 · 05/12/2020 14:23

My daughter is 3 and has decided she prefers my room to hers.. It's a struggle to get her to sleep in her own room in her own bed!
I really wouldn't worry about it !

mindutopia · 05/12/2020 14:28

Sounds fine. Both of ours slept with us until they were 3. They did have their own rooms, mostly because they have a lot of stuff and no room to put it in our room. But they only ever slept in there part of the time (if at all really) before 3. If you look at the bigger picture, most of the world's children probably don't have their own rooms at all. It's very normal to share with parents and also when a bit older, with siblings, either in the same bed or at least in the same room.

Aloethere · 05/12/2020 14:33

Can you reverse time and do things differently? No. So why does it matter now?

justicedanceson · 05/12/2020 14:34

Mine have their own lovely room and still spend the vast majority of their time with us or downstairs. It’s not a big deal at that age. Probably not really a big issue until 6 to be honest.

merryhouse · 05/12/2020 14:34

My son co-slept till 2y4m, then had a small bed in our room for a couple of months. We linked the move to finally dropping the going-to-bed nurse (the last thing to go). His younger brother was roughly the same ages.

Neither of them has any recollection of it, and neither had any trouble being or getting to sleep in the other room (and have never slept in our bed since).

UndertheCedartree · 05/12/2020 14:40

We did decorate our 2nd bedroom as a nursery when I was pregnant with my 1st. But it wasn't used as a bedroom properly til our DS was 7 as that was when he wanted to start sleeping in there. There was a bed in there from when he was about 5 and a half and he would sometimes start the night in there and then come into my room during the night. He slept in my bed until 4 when his little DS arrived. He then slept in a little bed in my room. His DS was about the same age when she transitioned from my bed to her own.

kwiksavenofrillsusername · 05/12/2020 15:20

At that age, it's fine, but I think in a couple of years she might want more privacy. Once she's big enough for a proper bed, you could get a trundle bed, so it can be a single when she's sleeping in there and open into a double when you have guests stay.

daisypond · 05/12/2020 15:40

It’s fine. My DC - three of them - never had their own room - until they moved out. They went from sleeping alongside us to their own shared room.

LH1987 · 05/12/2020 15:47

If she is happy and you are happy then of course it’s fine.

PatriciaPerch · 05/12/2020 15:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nonamesavail · 05/12/2020 15:52

Dd3 is 3 and co sleeps in ours. So its our bedroom now!

BefuddledPerson · 05/12/2020 15:56

What is normal anyway? Globally speaking loads of children share with parents.

Is everyone ok? That's what matters.

Backbee · 05/12/2020 16:01

As long as everyone is happy with the arrangements then there's no issue. Although it will be nice for her to have her own space imo, even if not to sleep in.

RedToothBrush · 05/12/2020 16:02

DS didn't have a bedroom of his own until he was nearly 5.

It was something we didn't have a choice in, but in all honesty I think it was a blessing in disguse which me and DH appreicated.

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