Presents for nieces ££

[Sarapq2]

Hi
Asked sis in law what kids might want for Christmas , just ideas what they into now , she suggested that a £50 voucher each as then they can get what they want ?
Me and o/h discussed it and to me it's to much.
It's over a day's pay and money is going to be tight for a couple of months .
Yes we both work but this last few month had to rely on food pantry every few weeks, and a charity voucher to have cat neutered .
Am I being unreasonable about this ?

My nephews xmas gifts are over £50 each but if you can't afford it then you can't afford it.

£50 each? Umm, no. "Sorry that's out of our budget range this year. We'll put £10 for each one in a card and as you suggested they can put it towards something they want".
Don't go above & beyond for someone else's kids presents when you are struggling to make ends meet. (Sorry but my chin hit the floor when I read £50 EACH!!!)

It will cause friction but I think we need to stand our ground .

I refuse to give money in a card as I know the kids won't see it and she'll use it on booze !
She was ungrateful last year when o/h gave her a card and she dumped it on table without even looking at it

Every fmily has different amounts they spend and there will be a whole range on here of what people thing is a 'normal' amount to spend on presents, so the point isn't the amount here, so much as "What is usual" in your families, and, if you are changing it from what has happened historically, why haven't you mentioned it sooner. OR, if SiL has suddenly changed from what you've done previously, then just explain, "No, don't be daft, I mean within the usual £10 budget"

What a CF, suggesting the amount you should spend. I'd send a selection box or bugger all.
And don't go apologising for it either!
(Is she planning to reciprocate with £50 for your children? Or let me guess - you don't have children and they don't buy for adults?)

Don't feel bad. Give what you're comfortable giving. Times are tough and she should understand that. Gift cards are also not a great idea in the current economic climate.

Just give what you can afford op and don't feel pressured to give more than what's in your budget (easier said than done I know). Don't go without to spoil someone else's kids that's ridiculous! You have to look after yourselves x

It the nail on the head there !
In fact in the 8 years we been together not once has she bought anything I mean no Xmas cards birthday card not even a mug when we moved into our first home !

Give the cash directly to the children, even if it’s £5. They should be grateful that you are thinking of them.
Explain to your SIL that over a days wages is not something you can do right now

I don’t buy for neices and nephews anymore, nor my sisters or brothers. There are just too many of us.

Well after your update, I suggest that even though you asked for suggestions, get back to her and explain that you and DH have reassessed your finances and unfortunately you'll have to retract your offer of gifts. If she flips out, sod her. And once no gifts are exchanged this year, next year and the ones after that, will no longer be an issue. Good luck.

I can imagine what she thinks we live in a nice house , have a newish car and had a little holiday between lockdowns but both work hard for it .
Cash is definitely out as I don't trust her I can imagine her saying I'll put it away for them!
Yes it is a change to the past but before my o/h earnt 500 + a week but things change .

@Sarapq2 you shouldn't have to explain yourself op. Your money is yours to do what you want with. X

Selection box each then. (Kids only).

Someone suggesting a particular gift is in a way dictating the amount (but in a way I'd expect a range of suggestions) - when it's cash, which in effect a voucher is, stating the amount seems rude and grabby.
Sorry, it IS rude and grabby.
Besides, unless it's Amazon, there's all sots of problems with gift cards and organisations going into administration.
Don't feel pushed into spending anymore that you intend to. The grabbiness of stating cash, and how much would probably make me decide not to give at all.
Make a charity donation in their name.
[[https://onlineshop.oxfam.org.uk/shop/oxfam-unwrapped/all-charity-gifts Oxfam Unwrapped]]

Not sure why the link didn't display properly, but it works.
I'd go for the pile of poo gift card.

One year I gave a friends children, then young teenagers, gift vouchers in a micro loan project - they could choose the projects they loaned to, and withdraw the money if they chose to.
lendwithcare.org/gift-vouchers

Yes. Absolutely. Definitely give each of your nieces £50 in a card, because isn't that's what Christmas is all about? it's what the baby Jesus would have wanted. Not.

Ofcourse you’re not being unreasonable. I think it was a little rude for her to say a specific amount. If it were me I’d just say a gift card would be ideal, but let you to decide how much to want to or can afford to spend. My uncle still sends me a fifteen pound voucher every day. Fifteen pound isn’t a lot of money to me but it’s still special because it’s from him and I that’s a substantial amount of money to him.

Every year*
Stupid phone sorry

My aunt in New Zealand has sent me a £5 note every year on my birthday, and phoned me every Christmas on Boxing Day for the last fifty years, and even though £5 won't buy me much, that £5 is worth a fortune.

That is ridiculous no-one specifies how much a voucher if for- you just say cash or voucher would be nice

Ours get £20 on 1 side plus sweets (lots of children on that side and they all give the same) and £40 on the the plus a small gift (only 2 children and they have no other cousins- they give the same back)

£10 note each inside a selection box (Open and reseal) or I would get £10 coins and put them in a bag of chocolate money- that way the children will get the cash.

We are high earners- no-one thinks we are mean or equates gifts with money. We just fall into what everyone else does to not stand out or make people feel obliged.

It's horribly rude for her to try to tell you how much you should spend on gifts for her kids. She should be ashamed. If she thought vouchers were a good idea, she could've just suggested that. Specifying an amount is embarrassing.

YANBU OP, how old are they? £50 each is ridiculous and it's appalling, if true, that she would spend this money on alcohol. Does she have issues with alcoholism?

I would just buy a small (whatever that means for your own budget) gift for them and leave it at that. The fact you asked her and she gave an answer doesn't need to be something you reply to, nor should you justify why you aren't giving £50. I'd just crack on and spend what i wanted and leave it at that to be honest. It isn't as though she can do anything about it.

I’ve never spent much on my nieces presents! They are fab kids and I adore them but they get novelty or jokey little things from me. Last Christmas they got a multi pack of salt and vinegar hula hoops each because they always fight over that flavour in the mixed multi packs their parents usually buy! They get their big expensive gifts off their parents (my sis and bro-in-law) sometimes with a contribution from their grandparents (my parents) and they definitely don’t go without!